A Witch’s Tail, Pt 2

Written by: Monica Breen and Alison Schapker
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick

Season 5, Episode 02
Episode Number: 90

[Scene: Under the sea. Phoebe is swimming around the bottom of the ocean. She spots a pretty pink shell and picks it up. She smiles and swims off.]

[Cut to the manor. Living room. Piper and Paige are sitting the on the couch. Leo orbs in. He is soaking wet.]

Piper: Leo, the Persian.

Leo: I found Phoebe.

Piper: You did? Well, why didn’t bring her?

Leo: She’s too fast… and slippery.

Paige: It’s official. Phoebe’s on the run.

Leo: On the swim, technically.

Piper: Well, what the heck’s she swimming from? She’s got billboards, TV interviews, she got her divorce, she should be loving life.

Paige: That’s right, you don’t know.

Piper: I don’t know what?

Paige: Well, I didn’t wanna make you mad, you know, you getting so panicky and all.

Piper: Yes, we’ve established, I was a spineless coward in the face of evil. Now, what don’t I know?

Paige: Cole’s back.

(Piper starts to panic.)

Leo: What? Why don’t I know about this?

Paige: What Phoebe told me confidentially.

Leo: Yes, but I’m your Whitelighter. As a witch you have a duty to let me know this sort of thing.

Paige: I have a greater duty to my sister.

Leo: Excuse me, but he’s the former Source of all evil. (Piper tries to get their attention.) This is not something you just sweep under the rug. (Piper falls on the floor. Leo and Paige run over to her.) Take a deep breath, take a deep breath.

(They help her up and she sits on the couch.)

Piper: Does he want my baby?

Paige: Oh, no honey, of course not. He’s in love, he wants Phoebe back.

Leo: Hey, that’s it. If Cole and Phoebe declare their love…

Paige: Cole’s love is the problem, not the solution.

Piper: Paige, I know you hate Cole…

Paige: Yeah, I do, I loathe and despise him, but that’s not the point. Mylie said that mermaids are cold hearted, maybe that’s why my spell turned Phoebe into a mermaid in the first place.

Piper: Wait a minute, we’re talking about Phoebe here. Since when did Phoebe become cold-hearted?

Paige: Well, maybe she’s been in the deep freeze ever since Cole came back.

Leo: So where do we go next?

Paige: I don’t know. Book Of Shadows, library of congress, internet. Anywhere we can to get rid of Phoebe’s tail.

[Scene: The Sea Hag’s cavern. Necron zaps in. He walks around.]

Necron: Hag? I want my eternal life. Or your life, it’s your choice.

(He sees a pile of dust on the floor where the Sea Hag was vanquished. He waves his hand above the pile and the dust blows away, revealing the auger shell. He picks it up. Phoebe swims into the cavern and places a shell onto a pile of shells she’s collected. Necron notices her and walks over to her.)

Phoebe: Who are you?

Necron: You have something I want.

Phoebe: They’re all yours!

(She throws the shells at Necron and dives under the water. Necron throws electricity at Phoebe and hits her tail. She swims away, bleeding.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Paige is there on the phone.]

Paige: I am so sorry I am missing work, Mr. Cowan. I-I it’s just my sister, she’s had a fishing accident. Of course I’m grateful for the promotion, of course I am. And I’m gonna prove to you how grateful I am as soon as I get there and… Mr. Cowan? (Leo orbs in.) Hello? (She hangs up.)

Leo: I lost Phoebe.

Paige: You lost Phoebe?

Leo: Yeah, somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico. I was tracking her and, she’s getting harder to sense. I think the mermaid in her’s starting to take over.

 Paige: I’ll just have to find a way to turn her back. (She sits down.) Look through these books.

(She places a book in front of her.)

Leo: Uh, you’ve been working on this all night?

Paige: Yeah.

Leo: What have you learned so far?

Paige: I’ve learned that mermaids are cold blooded, they like shiny baubles, sea chanteys are the only songs they know, and my adoption file is short one document.

Leo: You lost me with that last one.

Paige: Leo, it’s my first day as a social worker and I’m already screwing up and failing big time. This kid’s adoption is gonna fall apart without me.

Leo: Well, you can’t let that happen.

Paige: I’m so glad you agree. I was thinking I can just cast a spell from here and create a file…

Leo: That’s not what I meant. Go to work.

Paige: But what about…

Leo: But what about what? You’re just an orb away.

Paige: You sure you can handle this alone?

Leo: I’m not alone, I have Piper.

Paige: Piper. Okay, Leo, I don’t know if it’s because she’s afraid of the demons or she has a guilt over Phoebe, but she’s not doing so well. I had to come down here to get any work done at all.

Leo: What do you mean?

Paige: Go up the attic and see for yourself.

(Leo leaves the kitchen.)

[Cut to the attic. Leo walks in. He looks around for Piper. He sees her sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, scribbling words on the wall with chalk. He walks over to her.]

Piper: (mumbles something) No. (She rubs a word out with her hand.)

Leo: Honey, it’s okay.

(He touches her arm.)

Piper: Let go of me, almost done.

Leo: Piper, you need to take a break.

Piper: I just need one more verse.

Leo: Piper, this is not helping Phoebe.

Piper: Leo, I’m scared.

Leo: I know.

Piper: No, you don’t. I’m scared all of the time.

Leo: Piper, you’re pregnant. Your hormones and adrenaline are running very high. It’s okay to be afraid.

Piper: No, it’s not. Did you see what my fear did to Phoebe? I’m supposed to be stronger than ever now that I’m pregnant, for our daughter and my sisters. It’s my job to take care of this family.

Leo: Sometimes it’s this family’s job to take care of you. Sometimes it’s my job.

Piper: What do I do?

Leo: You need to figure out what’s behind your fear.

Piper: Okay, well, therapy takes years and Phoebe needs me now.

Leo: The only way you can help Phoebe is by removing your fear.

Piper: What did you say?

Leo: I said you need to remove your fear and I can help you do that.

Piper: I think you just did. (She stands up.) Right now I just need some time to figure this out, alone.

(Leo leaves the attic. Piper walks over to a blank wall and writes “Fearless” with a piece of chalk.)

[Scene: A dock. Phoebe is sitting on the edge, breathing heavily. She touches the bleeding gash in her tail. She hears voices and dives into the water.]

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige is walking across the room with Mr. Cowan following.]

Mr. Cowan: So how is your sister doing after the fishing accident?

Paige: Oh, we’re not sure, we haven’t found her yet.

Mr. Cowan: What is she, lost at sea?

Paige: You could say that.

Mr. Cowan: But-but Paige.

(They stop walking.)

Paige: Look, Mr. Cowan, I may be stubborn at times and late to work often and I don’t always know when to shut up like right now, but trust me, even if I told you the truth you wouldn’t believe me, so if you’ll excuse me I have an adoption to save.

Mr. Cowan: You forgot insolent, you’re very insolent.

Paige: You’re right. Can I go now?

Mr. Cowan: Don’t make me regret giving you this promotion, Paige.

(Paige nods. Mr. Cowan leaves. Paige turns and sees Cole heading towards her.)

Cole: Wait, before you say anything.

Paige: Not to say, do, because I’m about to orb your family jewels far, far away.

Cole: Yeah, that would hurt, but I’m sure you don’t want to use your powers in front of all these people, do you?

Paige: What do you want?

Cole: I want to prove that I’ve changed. Not just to Phoebe but to you and Piper as well.

(Mr. Cowan walks back over holding a file.)

Mr. Cowan: Copies of the adoption application and the police clearances. Fax them ASAP. It might sway the agency’s decision.

Cole: I’m familiar with family law, maybe I could do some good here?

Mr. Cowan: Didn’t we fire you?

Cole: Actually, I quit. But now I’m a partner at Jackman, Carter and Kline.

Mr. Cowan: So what are you doing here?

Cole: I came to help Paige.

(He puts his hand on Paige’s shoulder and she pulls away.)

Paige: Who doesn’t want or need his help.

Mr. Cowan: A good social worker knows when to use outside resources. They don’t get much better than Jackman, Carter and Kline.

(Mr. Cowan walks away.)

Cole: Well, you heard him, they don’t get much better than me, so let me help you. It won’t be any trouble at all.

Paige: No, trouble? You’ve been nothing but trouble. Phoebe was finally happy and now you’re back and suddenly she’s a…

Lunch Lady: Yellowtail? (The lady that delivers the lunches stands beside Paige.) Your usual lunch order.

(Paige pulls a face.)

Paige: Ugh, no fish, not now, not ever.

(Paige races into another room. Cole follows.)

Cole: Uh, Phoebe’s a what?

(She pulls him into the photocopying room.)

Paige: You wanna know what Phoebe is? She’s a mermaid. Do you wanna know why?

Cole: I’m sorry, did you say mermaid?

Paige: Yeah, gills, fins, scales and all.

Cole: Well, you can fix that, right?

Paige: No, Cole, we can’t fix that because she wants to be a mermaid because you broke her heart.

Cole: I never meant to hurt her.

Paige: You didn’t mean to do a lot of things but they happened. You are a one man death squad. Bodies, blood and pain follow you wherever you go.

Cole: Well, there may be some truth to that but it’s in my past, I came back to make up…

Paige: Make up for it? Do you want to make up for it? Go to Tibet, join a monastery, pray for absolution, but don’t put your guilt on us.

Cole: You don’t understand. I love…

Paige: Love Phoebe? Uh, what is it with you guys, like it’s all about you and your feelings.

Cole: What about Phoebe’s feelings? She still loves me.

Paige: Wrong. She doesn’t love you. She things you’re an evil freak with super powers from hell and battery acid for blood. She doesn’t love you, she wishes you’d stayed dead.

Cole: She told you this?

Paige: Told me? She didn’t have to tell me, she’s a mermaid. Her body erupted in scales. She had to turn into a fish to get away from you, do you get it now? Listen, the only way you can help us get our sister back is for you to disappear forever.

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper has written a spell on the wall with chalk.]

Piper: “Locked in, boxed in, full of fear my panic grows manic till I can’t hear, in need of reprieve so that I can breathe, remove my fear please make it leave.”

(Piper glows. She looks in a mirror.)

[Scene: A fishing boat. Three fisherman pull a large net full of fish out of the water. They tip it into a large wooden box. Phoebe falls out of the net. The fisherman look at her.]

Fisherman #1: What the hell?

(Phoebe wakes up and hits a fisherman with her tail.)

Fisherman #2: Watch it.

(Fisherman #1 tries to grab her.)

Phoebe: Get your filthy meat hooks off me!

Fisherman #3: Check out the mouth on her.

(They laugh.)

Fisherman #1: All I care about is the tail.

Fisherman #3: How much do you think the tabloids would pay to see this?

Fisherman #1: I don’t know about you guys but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life on that boat. Maybe we should be thinking bigger than tabloids here.

Fisherman #3: Bigger?

Fisherman #1: Yeah. We bring her in like this, sure, we’ll get a small fee, but mostly we’d just get credit for finding her. On the other hand if we say we found her dead, we could sell the body for a fortune.

(Necron zaps in.)

Necron: Sorry, her life belongs to me.

(Fisherman #2 grabs a fishing spear and shoots at Necron. It pierces through Necron’s neck and sticks in a wall. Necron moves forward and the spear slides out. His neck magically heals. He throws electricity at Fisherman #1 and #2 and they turn into dust. He does the same to Fisherman #3 and he turns into dust. He glides over to Phoebe.)

Necron: Mermaids are such poor, defenseless creatures. I almost feel pity.

Phoebe: Pity this! (She hits him with her tail and pulls on a rope. A large heavy hook hits Necron and knocks him over.) Leo! I’m ready to go home now!

(Leo orbs in.)

Leo: I’d glad you finally came to your senses.

(Necron gets up and Leo orbs out with Phoebe.)

Necron: No! (He holds out his arm and two crows appear on a beam.) Go. Find the mermaid.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe and Leo are there on the couch. Leo is dabbing Phoebe’s wound with a cloth.]

Phoebe: Ouch.

Leo: Sorry, I was a medic, not a vet.

(Paige walks in holding a jug of water and a cup.)

Paige: Here’s your water.

Phoebe: Oh. (She slurps it down.) Ugh, could use a little salt.

Leo: That’s about all I can do for you.

Phoebe: Okay, well, good enough. Will one of you orb me back to the ocean please.

Paige: Wait, isn’t there a demon after you?

(Piper walks down the stairs.)

Piper: Demon? Did somebody say demon?

Leo: Yeah, one chased Phoebe back home.

Piper: Well, that was nice of it, welcome home.

Phoebe: This isn’t my home anymore.

Piper: So, what about this demon? Where is it? I’d like to thank it and then kill it.

Paige: Are you sure you’re okay?

Piper: Yeah, never better. Ready to face my fears. (She stares at a painting on the wall.) Like that painting. I hung it on the wall because I was afraid to tell Leo that it was ugly but now… (She blows it up.) No offense, honey. (She sits on the couch.) So, uh, what does this demon look like?

Phoebe: Tall, dark and skeletal. Shoots electricity.

Piper: Paige, we need the Book Of Shadows, can you orb it down here?

Paige: You want me to use magic for household chores? I thought you had a total fear of personal gain?

Piper: Ah, see, there’s that word again, fear. It’s very debilitating. Just do as I ask.

Paige: Book Of Shadows.

(The book orbs into Paige’s hands and she hands it to Piper.)

Phoebe: Okay, um, I told you everything I know. Can I go home now?

Paige: You are home. And you’re insane if you think that I am going to take you anywhere.

Piper: Relax, Paige, everything will be fine.

Leo: Glad you’re so calm. Why are you so calm?

Piper: Well, I just did as you suggested and now I feel fine. So can we save Phoebe?

Phoebe: Okay, you guys, I don’t need saving. Okay, all I need are my sea friends and little shiny objects and to lay on a rock and to comb out my hair. I need water.

(She reaches for the jug. Piper finds Necron in the Book Of Shadows.)

Piper: Got him.

(Phoebe drinks straight from the jug.)

Phoebe: Yeah, that’s him.

Leo: “Necron… A skeletal being that hovers between life and death. Has the power to incinerate any living…”

Piper: Yada, yada, yada.

Paige: No wonder he’s after Phoebe. If mermaids are immortal and he’s stuck between life and death, then immortality would place him squarely in the life column.

Phoebe: Well, he can not have my immortality. Will someone please get me back to the ocean before I suffocate. I need the water!

Paige: You want water? I’ll get you some water.

[Time lapse. Bathroom. Paige puts Phoebe in the bath.]

Phoebe: You are holding me hostage!

Paige: Yep, looks like it.

Phoebe: Look, I am not a common goldfish. I can not ignore the call of the sea.

Paige: Well, the call of the common bathtub is just gonna have to do.

(Phoebe flicks water at Paige.)

[Scene: Cole’s apartment. Cole is on the phone, using speaker phone. He is pacing up and down the room.]

Cole: Why are you being so difficult?

Voice: The regulations concerning this matter are clear. We can not accept anything but the original medical report for a legal adoption.

(Darryl walks in the room. )

Cole: Well, that really just doesn’t work for me. (He waves his hand above the phone.) Are you absolutely sure you can’t use the fax copy I sent you?

Voice: Of course we can, Mr. Turner. I’ll finalise the adoption immediately.

Cole: Thank you.

Voice: Any time.

(They hang up.)

Darryl: What was that?

Cole: Just helping Paige cut through some red tape.

Darryl: And she’s okay with you using voodoo powers to cheat the system?

Cole: Well, she doesn’t know that I’m helping her and they’re not voodoo powers.

Darryl: Oh, well, what powers are you packing these days? Maybe the power to turn men into dust?

Cole: What’s that supposed to mean?

Darryl: Three fisherman mysteriously vanished today. They left behind what medical examiners believes to be piles of bone dust.

Cole: And you think I killed them?

Darryl: Damn right I do.

Cole: You think I killed them? Me, the guy who saved your surprisingly small brain from a bullet yesterday.

Darryl: You don’t expect me to believe that you did that for me? I’m just a pawn in your twisted scam to win Phoebe back.

Cole: I realise that people’s reputations precede them, but contrary to popular opinion, I am not the Source of all evil anymore. In fact, I’m not the source of any evil anymore. (He sits down.) I just want my wife back.

(Darryl sits down.)

Darryl: Let’s pretend for a second here, just for the sake of argument, that you saved my butt because you are my friend. So as your hypothetical friend, can I give you some advice?

Cole: Yeah.

Darryl: Don’t do this to yourself.

Cole: I can’t help it.

Darryl: You love her, I get it. And your love, it’s epic. Okay. But look what it’s doing to you.

(Cole stands up.)

Cole: Paige says she hates me. She says I should leave for good. You’ve known her for a long time, Darryl, what do you think? Should I leave?

(Darryl stands up.)

Darryl: I know you don’t want to. But what you want really doesn’t matter, right?

Cole: Right.

Darryl: Well, there you go.

(Darryl leaves.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper puts an ingredient in a pot and it explodes, blowing everything in the room to pieces. Piper is knocked backwards.]

Piper: Oops.

(Paige runs in.)

Paige: What is going on? Are you okay?

Piper: Minor setback, it’s fine.

(Paige grabs a fire extinguisher and puts out some small fires.)

Paige: Minor setback? The room is on fire! You’re supposed to be figuring out a way to vanquish Necron, not yourself.

Piper: Oh, come on, we weren’t using any of this junk anyway. Where’s the fish girl?

Paige: She’s downstairs cooling off in the tub. What are you mixing up here anyway?

Piper: Oh, a little burdock root and, uh, some eye of newt.

Paige: What? You’re never ever supposed to mix those two things together. That is a volatile combination.

Piper: Well, Necron’s a serious threat, we need a serious potion. Did you know in the book there’s a witches be warned on skeletal beings? The last two that vanquished him, actually the only two that vanquished him, died in the process.

Paige: Great, so the rate you’re going you’ll be number three. You know, you oughta be more careful.

Piper: Hey, a good plan violently executed this week is better than a perfect plan executed next week. That’s Patton.

Paige: Why are you quoting Patton?

Piper: So I figure if I just double the burdock root…

(Piper bends down to pick something up.)

Paige: Ay, no touch. I don’t want you or my unborn niece around that. (Piper sighs. The doorbell rings.) You shouldn’t be inhaling all this smoke when you’re pregnant anyway.

(Piper goes to answer the door.)

Piper: Ah, Paige, you’re such a worry wart.

(Leo walks in.)

Leo: What happened?

Piper: We were just getting ready to kick some demon ass. That’s what we do, right? (She hits Leo on the butt. The doorbell rings again.) I’ll get it, it’s probably Phoebe’s interview.

(Piper goes downstairs.)

Paige: Well, send them away! (Leo walks over to Paige.) Don’t look at me, she’s your wife.

Leo: Does it seem like she overcame her fear a little quickly to you?

Paige: I don’t know. I guess it’s better than her almost having a nervous breakdown like she was this morning.

Leo: Not so sure.

(He walks over to the wall with Piper’s chalk writings on it.)

Paige: What are you looking at?

Leo: See if she had any help.

Paige: Magical help? Piper would never do that. (She sees the fearless spell on the wall.) Oh, no, it’s a fearless spell. Piper wrote a fearless spell.

Phoebe: (from downstairs) Paige!

[Cut to the bathroom. Piper, Phoebe, Nancy O’Dell, and a camera crew are there. Phoebe is still in the bath, but now with bubbles added.]

Nancy: Gosh, I am so sorry. Your sister said we were doing the interview in the bathroom.

Phoebe: Well, that should’ve been your first clue that my sister sprang from the shallower end of the gene pool.

Piper: Oh, come on, Phoebe, you wanted fame. Go ahead and grab it. Carpe diem.

Phoebe: Don’t you mention carp around me, please.

Piper: I am doing you a favour. People will think you’re bold and daring. What’s better than a celebrity who wants to do an interview in the nude?

Phoebe: I can be just as fascinating with my clothes on in a TV studio, thank you.

Nancy: Well, actually, you can’t. My show is called “At Home With Nancy O’Dell”.

Piper: See? Fabulous. (Phoebe lays there in awe.) Fire away.

(Piper leaves.)

Phoebe: Piper.

[Cut to the hallway. Piper is listening against the bathroom door. Paige and Leo walk down the hallway.]

Paige: What is going on? We heard Phoebe’s scream…

Piper: Shh… She’s doing a TV interview.

Paige: In the bathtub?

Piper: Don’t worry she’s not showing any tail. That Nancy O’Dell has, like, perfect teeth.

Leo: You can’t be serious. You’re risking exposure to all of us.

Piper: Now see there’s your risk-aversion side rearing its ugly head again.

Paige: Piper, we know you cast a fearless spell.

Piper: Not a fearless spell, a freedom spell. You told me to get rid of my fear so that’s what I did.

Leo: Yes, but you didn’t get rid of it, you just suppressed it.

Piper: Well, what’s the difference? I’m free to be myself and to help others be themselves.

Paige: Okay, but Phoebe’s self is a mermaid, and that self is about to be broadcast on the six o’clock news unless we stop it fast.

Piper: Now, see, you’re only seeing the downside here.

Paige: What’s the upside?

Piper: The upside is Phoebe loves her job more than anything else and doing this interview will remind her of that and help bring her to her senses.

[Cut to the bathroom.]

Phoebe: People are chewing entire species into extinction.  Take Chilean Sea Bass. I have yet to even spot one. And swordfish for example, you might as well be munching on a bald eagle.

Nancy: I, uh, I didn’t realise you had such a passion for fish.

Phoebe: Yeah, I do.

(Piper, Paige and Leo walk in.)

Paige: Okay, we’re gonna have to end this now.

Phoebe: It’s okay, ask one more question.

Nancy: Um, well, so back to your advice to lovers, it’s so real, so heartfelt, especially lately. Is there a lucky guy in your life that you get your inspiration from?

Phoebe: No, there’s not.

Nancy: Really? Then what’s with all the love columns?

(Paige realises something.)

Phoebe: I don’t know.

Paige: I think I do. Okay, I’m sorry, we’re really going to have to wrap this up. Leo.

Leo: Okay, come on, I’ll show you downstairs.

Nancy: But we’re not finished yet.

Leo: I think you are.

Nancy: Oh. We’ll reschedule. I’ll have my people call your people, okay.

Phoebe: Thanks.

Nancy: Alright, bye-bye.

Piper: Bye, Nance.

Nancy: Bye-bye.

(Leo, Nancy and her crew leave.)

Piper: So how do you feel?

Phoebe: Actually, thanks to you, I feel free. Free from the shallowness of human pursuit. From craving wealth and fame. Now all I crave is the serenity of the sea.

Paige: Ooh, good job on the fearless spell.

Phoebe: What fearless spell?

(The two crows fly onto a tree branch outside the window.)

Piper: What the heck is their problem? (They hear a zapping noise in the hallway.) Orb Phoebe to the attic.

Paige: What about you?

Piper: Just do it. (Piper goes out in the hallway. Necron zaps in. Piper blows him up. She walks further down the hallway.) Okay, static man, very impressive.

(Necron zaps in behind her, grabs her and then zaps back out with her.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Phoebe is spraying herself with a water sprayer. Paige is writing a spell.]

Leo: How long is this spell gonna take?

Paige: I don’t know, it’s tricky, there’s a lot of factors involved.

Phoebe: Okay, why can’t we just orb to Necron and try the vanquishing potion that Piper was working on?

Paige: Because Piper was under the influence when she mixed  that potion, as you can tell by the lovely remains of our burned out attic.

Leo: So what happened?

Paige: Well, thanks to her fearless spell she went straight to an offensive place with her explosion potion and I don’t think that’s the answer.

Leo: Why not? It sounds good to me right now.

Paige: Well, because the last two witches that vanquished skeletal beings were vapourised in the process. I think a power of three spell is our best chance of killing Necron and staying alive.

Phoebe: Can you sense her?

Leo: Yeah.

Phoebe: Is she hurt?

Leo: Who knows? All I can sense is courage. Lots and lots of courage.

Phoebe: Well, don’t worry, honey, he’s not going to kill her, he needs her alive if he’s gonna get to me.

Paige: Yeah, well, we still have to hurry before Piper does something stupid, like get Nancy O’Dell an exclusive with Necron.

Leo: You know, I’m beginning to wonder if this whole power of three spell is even worth it.

Phoebe: What do you mean?

Leo: Well, firstly, it’s not really a power of three spell. It’s more like a power of two and a half spell, considering you’re half a witch. Secondly, I’m afraid my fearless wife won’t let us interfere to take on Necron.

Phoebe: She isn’t exactly using her best judgment right now.

Leo: I don’t even know why she cast that spell, you know, I could’ve helped her through it.

Paige: Try to see where she’s coming from. She’s barely been able to function and she blames herself for what happened to… Phoebe.

Phoebe: What do you mean what happened to Phoebe? What happened to me is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am swimming with the dolphins now, I am basking with belugas.

Paige: Uh, Leo, I actually think I’ve got something but I need to talk to you about it alone.

Phoebe: Okay, you see? This is exactly why I love being a mermaid. There are no secrets under water, you know, there are no walls to keep you trapped.

Paige: Okay, enough. Uh, Leo, downstairs.

(Paige and Leo leave the attic.)

Phoebe: You guys? Wait, wait, you guys.

(She falls off the chair.)

[Cut to the stairs.]

Paige: If we orb Phoebe to the ocean, the second Necron is a pile of dust, she’s outta here for good.

Leo: Do we have another option?

Paige: I don’t know. Something Nancy O’Dell said in that interview got me thinking. What if Phoebe’s heart isn’t as cold as we thought.

Leo: Look, we don’t have time to find out.

Paige: Well, let’s take the time, okay. I don’t wanna save one sister just to lose another.

Leo: Well, I’m sorry, Paige, that is a risk that we have to take.

[Cut to the attic. Phoebe is still on the floor. Paige and Leo walk in.]

Phoebe: Alright, what’d you guys say about me?

Paige: I said I thought you were gonna swim away the moment we save Piper. Are you?

Leo: Come on, we have to hurry.

(Phoebe and Paige take Leo’s hand and he starts to orb out. Paige lets go of Leo’s hand and he orbs out with only Phoebe.)

Paige: This better work.

(She runs out of the attic.)

[Cut to the beach. Leo orbs in with Phoebe.]

Phoebe: Where’s Paige?

[Scene: The cavern. Piper and Necron are there. Piper is tied to a steal rack, above the sea water.]

Necron: I think we’ve given your sisters enough time to worry about you. Now, call for your Whitelighter.

Piper: Or what? (The rack sinks down knee deep into the water.) Oh, please, please, somebody help me, the mean demon is dipping me into the water and it’s really cold.

Necron: Attack!

(Electric eels swim past the rack and electrocutes Piper.)

Piper: Is that the best you got?

Necron: Again.

(The eels wrap themselves around the rack and electrocute Piper. She screams.)

[Cut to Cole’s apartment. Paige walks in.]

Paige: Cole?

Cole: Paige, you don’t have to break into my apartment, I’m leaving, I’m taking your advice.

Paige: Don’t. I’ve been known to give very bad advice.

Cole: I beg your pardon?

Paige: Phoebe needs your help.

Cole: Oh, I know, that’s why I’m going away. It’s the best way to help her. Now, if you’ll excuse me.

Paige: No.

(She touches his arm.)

Cole: What are you doing?

Paige: Please, I can’t let you leave.

Cole: What kind of game are you playing?

Paige: I’m not playing any games. I told you, Phoebe needs your help.

Cole: And you need psychological help.

Paige: Okay, that’s probably true, especially because I can not believe what I am about to say but I think Phoebe’s still in love with you.

Cole: Oh, yeah. “Phoebe hates you so much her body erupted in scales.” That’s what you said this morning.

Paige: Okay, maybe an unfortunate choice of words. I thought Phoebe was running away because she hated you but now I think it’s because she loves you.

Cole: You think?

Paige: It’s a theory. Her advice column has been obsessed with love ever since you left.

Cole: You told me to go away, Phoebe said it, Darryl said it, I get the message, now you’re changing your opinion based on a theory?

Paige: What if I can prove it?

Cole: Only Phoebe can prove that she still loves me.

Paige: You’re right. “Open Phoebe’s heart to Cole, reveal the secret that it holds, spring forth the passion of love’s fire, that he may feel her true desire.”

(An orange ring of light circles Cole’s head.)

Cole: What’d you do? (The light hits him in the chest and disappears. He starts to cry.) Phoebe.

(The light comes out of Cole and disappears.)

Paige: I guess she loves you more than either of us realised.

[Cut to the beach. Phoebe is basking in the sun on a rock. Leo orbs in beside her.]

Leo: Paige wasn’t in the manor, I don’t know where the hell she is.

Phoebe: Okay, well, forget her, let’s go find Piper.

Leo: Yeah, but she needs the power of three to take on Necron. He’s hurting her again.

Phoebe: He wants me, I’m going alone.

Leo: No.

Phoebe: Leo, I can’t let anything happen to Piper and the baby.

Leo: Yeah, but Phoebe…

Phoebe: You wait here for Paige. I’m gonna go buy us some time.

Leo: Phoebe!

(Phoebe jumps in the water and swims away.)

[Cut to the cavern. Piper is being electrocuted. The rack rises out of the water.]

Piper: Okay, I’ve had enough. The treatment of me is shocking. Get it? Shocking?

Necron: Do you have a death wish?

Piper: You’re not demon enough to kill me. You would’ve done it already if you were.

Necron: On the contrary. I wasn’t hungry until now. But it’s just about my feeding time.

(He holds out his hand. Phoebe comes up from under the water.)

Phoebe: Let her go, it’s me that you want.

(The auger shell appears in his hand.)

Piper: Oh, look out, Phoebe, he’s packing the sea shell.

Necron: You know what this is.

Phoebe: Yeah. Auger shell. Sucks eternal life. Look, I will give you my immortality if you let my sister go. (The rack flies across the water and hits the rock wall. Piper’s chains come undone and she falls to the ground.) No!

(Phoebe swims over to Piper.)

Necron: I promise I’ll kill her unless you give me what I want first.

Phoebe: Piper, are you okay?

(Piper touches her bleeding stomach.)

Piper: What did you do!

(The auger shells disappears and reappears on Phoebe’s heart.)

Necron: Keep your promise, witch.

[Cut to the beach. Leo is waiting there. Paige orbs in.]

Leo: Where you been?

Paige: I forgot the vanquishing spell in the attic.

[Cut to the cavern. Paige and Leo orb in. Leo rushes over to Piper.]

Leo: Honey, it’s okay, I’m here.

(Necron zaps Leo and he flies across the room. Paige hides behind a statue.)

Paige: Phoebe! (Necron zaps the statue.) Shell! (The shell orbs onto Necron’s heart. Paige holds Piper’s hand.) Piper, take Phoebe’s hand. (She does so.) Prepare for a big blast. “Tide of evil wash the shore, bring it darkness evermore, with all our strength we fight this fate, make this evil obliterate.”

(Necron makes a huge explosion and knocks the girls across the room. Phoebe falls into the water. The rack slides into the water and drags Piper in by her foot. She frantically tries to free her foot but can’t.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Cavern. Piper is still under the water. Phoebe pokes her head out of the water and sees Paige unconscious near by.]

Phoebe: Paige, wake up! Paige! (She flicks water at Paige with her tail.) Wake up!

(Paige gains consciousness and sits up.)

Paige: No wonder those demons carry warning labels.

Phoebe: Tell me about it.

Paige: Leo, are you okay?

Leo: Yeah, I think so. (He gets up.) Where’s Piper?

[Cut to Piper under the water. Patty appears under water in a bright light.]

Patty: Piper, I know why you’ve been so afraid. You don’t want to leave your baby the way I left you. But spells won’t make that fear go away, only faith will. Have faith that your destiny is different than mine. Take my hand, sweetie.

(She holds out her hand. Phoebe dives under the water. Patty disappears. Phoebe grabs Piper’s hands. Her foot is freed from the rack and Phoebe pulls her to the top. Piper coughs.)

Piper: Mum.

Leo: It’s okay, sweetie, it’s us.

Phoebe: Leo, heal her stomach.

(He reaches for her wound but it heals itself.)

Paige: How’d you do that?

Leo: I didn’t.

Piper: The baby did.

Phoebe: What?

Piper: I guess she takes after her daddy. (They smile.) That must’ve been what mum meant.

Phoebe: Mum?

Piper: She came to me in the water. She helped me understand why I’ve been so afraid. I don’t wanna leave my baby without a mother.

Leo: You have something that she didn’t.

Piper: Oh, yeah, what’s that?

Leo: Me.

Paige: And me.

(They notice Phoebe gone.)

Piper: But not her. What do we do?

Paige: Nothing. I have a feeling she’ll come back again.

Leo: How do you figure?

Paige: Just say I have a pretty good idea about what’s going on inside of her head.

[Cut to the beach. Cole is standing there with his arms outstretched and eyes closed. Phoebe magically appears lying down in front of him. He opens his eyes.]

Phoebe: How did I get here?

Cole: I brought you here.

Phoebe: This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. This goes beyond stalking.

Cole: I’m not stalking you. Paige sent me. I know why you ran, Phoebe.

Phoebe: You don’t know anything about me.

Cole: You thought you could escape into this big ocean, that the waves would wash away your pain? But they won’t. Not until you admit what drove you here in the first place.

Phoebe: I know what drove me here. You.

Cole: Yeah, but why? And don’t say because you’re scared of me, because you’re not. Come on, you don’t want to spend eternity alone just to avoid the truth. If not for me, be honest for your own sake. Don’t lose yourself because of me.

Phoebe: What do you want me to say?

Cole: You don’t have to say anything. All you have to do to free yourself is admit how you truly feel about me. In your heart.

(They are silent for a moment and Phoebe turns back into a human. He helps her up and takes off his coat.)

Phoebe: How could you be so sure?

(He wraps his coat around her.)

Cole: I had a feeling.

Phoebe: I do love you, and I always will but it doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t matter. It’s over between us.

Commercial Break

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige is packing up her desk and putting stuff in a box. Mr. Cowan walks over to her.]

Mr. Cowan: Paige, I know I’ve been tough on you but I don’t want you to quit. You’ve got a real gift at helping people.

Paige: Don’t worry, I’m gonna keep helping people. I just don’t wanna split my focus anymore. Thanks for everything.

(She hugs him.)

[The song “Blame It On the Weatherman” by B*Witched plays during these last scenes.]

[Cut to the manor. Phoebe is sitting at the table looking at a picture of her and Cole. She puts it down and signs a Formal Notification of Divorce Action form.]

[Cut to Piper’s room. Piper and Leo are sitting on the bed looking at a photo. Leo gets up and walks away. Piper closes a photo album and opens another. She sticks the photo of her and Patty on a page. “Grandma and Mommy” magically appear on the page. Piper smiles and closes the book.]