Chick Flick

Written by: Chris Levinson and Zack Estrin
Transcribed by: 
Shay Fitzpatrick

Season 2, Episode 18
Episode Number: 40

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue’s kneeling on the floor holding her camera and taking photos of Piper, who’s looking out the window.]

Prue: Hmm, so I think I’ll call this “Woman not pretending to look out the window.”

Piper: How about “Girl about to pour hot tea on sister’s head.” Let me see. (Prue shows her the photo.) Either I’m that transparent or you’re that good.

Prue: Well, I don’t think I’ll comment since you do have hot liquid over my head.

Piper: I’m sorry, I just, I was watching Dan come home alone and I think a more appropriate title for that photo would be “Witch with a severe case of the guilts.” And he was a nice guy who did nothing wrong and…

Prue: Piper, you had to end the relationship, all right? Your heart wasn’t in it and it was the only way not to break his.

Piper: I know, I just feel like Dan got the short end of the stick.

Prue: There are so many ways that I can go with that but I think I’ll just…

Piper: Thank you.

Prue: Besides, you shouldn’t be worried about your past when your future is in town tonight for dinner and a movie.

Piper: I know, I know, I know. My first real date with Leo as a normal couple. And normal couples usually shower before their dates, so I’ll see you later.

Prue: Okay.

(Piper walks out of the living room and Phoebe walks in.)

Phoebe: Hi doody.

Piper: Hi doody.

Prue: Hey. (Phoebe sits down on the couch. She has a smile on her face.) Someone’s in a good mood. What’s his name?

Phoebe: Billy.

Prue: Phoebe, you didn’t?

Phoebe: What?

Prue: You went to go see “Kill It Before It Dies” at the revival house didn’t you?

Phoebe: No, why would you think that I… (Prue raises her eyebrows.) Okay, I did. But you know what? It was research.

Prue: Okay, what kind of class sends you to the movies?

Phoebe: No, not for school, for me. I mean, if I’m supposed to figure out what I want from a guy, I might as well start with the first guy I fell for, don’t you think? Billy is the ideal man.

Prue: He’s a character in a movie. One that I might add you weren’t even supposed to watch.

Phoebe: When I was twelve. I think after a year and a half of battling monsters I can handle a scary movie. Did I mention that Billy is the perfect man?

Prue: Once or twice.

(The doorbell rings.)

Phoebe: I will get that. (Phoebe gets up and answers the door. The camera stays focused on Prue.) Can I help you?

Prue: Pheebs, who is it?

(Suddenly Phoebe goes flying through the foyer.)

Phoebe: Aaahhh!

(The demon of Illusion walks in the foyer.)

Demon: Get up you miserable witch.

Prue: Hey, if you don’t have anything nice to say.

(Prue uses her powers and the demon crashes into the grandfather clock.)

Demon: And then there were two.

(He runs outside.)

Phoebe: Ow, ow.

(Prue helps her up.)

Prue: You okay?

Phoebe: Oh, sure.

Prue: Come on, come on, come on.

(They run outside. Piper comes down the stairs.)

Piper: All right, who took my loo… fa.

(She notices the mess on the floor.)

[Cut to the movie theatre. Prue and Phoebe walk in. The movie “Kill It Before It Dies” is playing. The seats are empty except for one guy who’s sitting in an aisle seat eating popcorn.]

Prue: I can not believe they made us pay.

Guy: Shh.

Phoebe: Sorry.

Prue: He’s gotta be hiding in here somewhere.

Guy: Excuse me, but do you think you might keep it down. This is my favourite part.

Phoebe: Ooh, mine too. This is when Billy comes on and then th…

Prue: Pheebs, we need a spell.

Phoebe: Okay, but we know nothing about this guy. I can’t just whip one up.

(They see him near the front row.)

Prue: Oh, he’s making a break for it.

Phoebe: Um, “Evil that has travelled near, I call on you to disappear, elementals hear my call, remove this creature from these walls.”

(The demon disappears in a puff of smoke.)

Guy: That was the most coolest thing I have ever seen.

Phoebe: It’s all part of the show, sir. (to Prue) I can not believe that that just worked. It seemed too easy.

Prue: Wow, we are getting way too tough for these guys. (They start walking out of the cinema and Phoebe keeps watching the movie.) No, no.

(They leave. The demon appears on the screen. He laughs evilly.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are cleaning up the mess.]

Phoebe: How am I supposed to know what his deal is? He likes moonlit walks, thinks holding hands is underrated, and enjoys in his spare time killing witches.

Piper: It was a question for the room, Pheebs. When a demon makes a house call, my curiosity gets piqued.

Prue: Yeah, well, the house is a mess again. I mean, how come we can’t fight the demon of cleanliness or the demon of housekeeping, or even that really big bald guy, Mr. Clean? I would so totally take him on.

Piper: But I don’t get is the order of things. Don’t we usually start some place dark and dreary and then end up at the manor for the big old vanquish?

Phoebe: Wait a minute. He followed me home. I knew I recognised him from somewhere. He was at the movies and then he followed me home.

Prue: Well, he had a reason to attack us, so he would of found us sooner or later.

Piper: But the question is why? I mean, we usually don’t vanquish someone without knowing who, what, where, when…

Prue: Well, what about the how? How did you know how to vanquish him?

Phoebe: Well, remember the spell that we used for the bunyip? Well, I just combined that with the one for the demon with the horn coming out of his…

Piper: Forehead?

Phoebe: Yep.

Piper: Nice work. I wish they all went this smoothly. Oh my God, I’m late, I’m so late, I have to get ready. (She gives Prue a broom.) Hold this, here take this. I’ll help when I come back but Leo…

Prue, Phoebe: Go.

[Scene: Restaurant. Leo’s sitting at a table looking bored. Piper walks up to the table.]

Piper: How’s the date so far?

Leo: It just got better.

Piper: You can do your homework, pick the right restaurant, the perfect wine waiting and chilled but it helps if you show up. I’m sorry.

Leo: It’s all right, you’re here now. (Piper looks down.) What?

Piper: Nothing. It’s just this guy, warlock or demon or something burst into the house and somehow Phoebe managed to vanquish him but we still don’t know who he was. Something just feels off. I’m sorry, no work talk, we promised.

Leo: It’s alright, you’re the one who wanted to keep tonight magic free. I’m okay with it.

Piper: Wanna start over?

Leo: Okay.

(They lean over the table and kiss.)

Waiter: Pardon me.

Leo: Oh, I hope you don’t mind, I got the munchies.

Piper: No, not at all. (The waiter places something on the table.) Thank you. (The waiter walks away.) Uh, there’s no salt. Could you ask that table for theirs?

Leo: Sure, um, excuse me, may we borrow your salt?

(The guy turns around and it’s Dan.)

Dan: Leo. Piper.

Piper: Hi Dan… and Dan’s date.

Dan: Amelia, this is Leo and Piper.

Piper: Amelia as in someone-I-just-work-with Amelia?

Dan: Um, here’s your salt.

Piper: Thanks.

Leo: Well, at least he’s not pining away.

(An accordion player is playing the accordion fairly close to them. Piper gets fed up and freezes the whole restaurant.)

Piper: Is this some kind of test? (She unfreezes Leo.) Okay, so I’d like everything to be normal but there’s only so much a girl can take. Here’s to our first real date. (They are just about to clink their glasses and the Whitelighters call Leo.) What are you doing? They need you? Okay, well, I guess it would be the same thing if I was dating a doctor, right? I just wanted tonight to be perfect.

Leo: Well, it was. I was with you.

(Leo starts to orb out.)

Piper: Wait a minute.

(He stops orbing.)

Leo: What’s wrong?

Piper: If we can’t have a normal date, can we at least have a normal exit? Enough with the disappearing guy stuff.

Leo: Okay.

Piper: Okay. (She unfreezes the restaurant. Leo stands up and kisses Piper. He walks away. Dan turns around and looks at Piper.) Check!

Commercial Break

[Scene: 415 magazine. Prue and Mr. Corso are walking down the corridor. Mr. Corso is talking on his cell phone.]

Mr. Corso: Talk to anyone who was in the movie theatre at the time. Well, find out what happened before the fight broke out. No, but I got a location which is where you should of been fifteen minutes ago.

Prue: Are you talking about the revival house on Larkin?

Mr. Corso: Not unless you know something I don’t. Do you?

Prue: Well, maybe not about this.

Mr. Corso: Okay, you’re gonna be working with one of our staff writers. Finley’s running late to the interview so you’re gonna have to shoot him…

Prue: Finley? Finley, as in in Finley Beck? (They walk in a room.) Finley Beck?

Mr. Corso: You know him. And here I thought you were just a beginner.

Prue: Okay, he is the whole reason why this beginner got started. He is amazing. Have you met him?

Mr. Corso: Not in person. I just know him through his press.

Prue: All right, well, (she grabs his book off the table) I mean, the prose in this is mediocre at best. They didn’t even cover his-his period in Germany. Not only is he a gifted photographer but he just seems so, so giving and warm.

Mr. Corso: A fan?

(The door opens and Finley is there yelling at someone.)

Finley: And you can tell him I said so. (He walks in.) Can we get started? I’m on a schedule.

Prue: Hi, I’m, um, Mr. Beck, I’m-I’m Prue Halliwell.

Finley: So when’s this photographer blessing us with his presence?

Prue: That would be me.

Finley: You’re twelve.

Prue: Oh, I’m good.

Finley: I’ll decide that. Oh, please tell me you’re not planning on shooting me in digital. Oh, no, no, no, not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Digital is for amateurs. Careful dear, your true colours are showing. Why don’t you do something useful and get me some tea.

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper’s there. Phoebe walks in the back door.]

Piper: Hey, honey, how was school?

Phoebe: Will someone please tell me what is up with guys?

Piper: You don’t really expect me to have an answer for that do you?

Phoebe: Okay, so I have lunch with this guy from lab, right? He is totally melatonin boy.

Piper: That bad?

Phoebe: I’m keeping his number in case I have trouble sleeping.

Piper: That bad.

Phoebe: So I’m sitting there trying desperately not to fall asleep and all I kept thinking about was yesterday.

Piper: I know, we still have no idea who he was or how you vanquished him.

Phoebe: No, not that. Billy. The guy from the movie and I know that this is reality but why can’t a guy like that exist in my reality? (Leo orbs in.) Here I am talking about the shortage of perfect men and in orbs yours.

Piper: I found one of the good guys.

(Piper and Leo kiss.)

Leo: Unfortunately, I’m here to talk about the bad guys.

Piper: No shortage of those.

Leo: Yeah, they sent for me last night so I could warn you.

Piper: Okay, fill in a blank. It’s the demon of…?

Leo: Illusion. Apparently he uses magic somehow to create violence in society. They told me he’s here to make San Francisco his treat. He’s got a scar below his eye.

Phoebe: And a goatee? Not a problem, we vanquished him last night.

Leo: Are you sure? ‘Cause they wouldn’t send me…

Piper: Unless the demon isn’t gone.

Phoebe: Okay, you call Prue, I’ll go to the Book Of Shadows. We gotta get back to that revival house.

[Scene: In the movie theatre. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in. Piper freezes the audience.]

Piper: All right, now what?

Phoebe: Well, when we last saw the demon, we vanquished him in aisle six.

(The demon appears on the screen.)

Prue: And now he’s in act three. Up on the screen.

Demon: Actually I was just leaving. I should’ve known the disappearing-demon routine wouldn’t fool you for long.

Prue: Yeah, all you really did was piss us off.

(She tries to use her power on him but it doesn’t work.)

Demon: Silly wiccan. Tricks are for kids.

Prue: Piper.

(Piper tries to freeze him.)

Demon: This is the world of Illusion and you girls are reality. You powers, unlike mine, can not cross between the two.

(Billy comes on the screen.)

Billy: Sally Mae? Sally Mae, where are you? It’s getting dark an… (He notices the demon.) I thought you said you weren’t gonna cause anymore-

Demon: Shut up!

Phoebe: Hey! (Billy looks at Phoebe.) Oh my God, I think he’s looking at me.

Billy: Hi.

Phoebe: Hi.

Prue: Okay, I hate to put a damper on your little love connection here, sis, but we need to kick some ass.

Demon: Oh, is that what you’re gonna do? How cute. How clever of you. (Phoebe smiles and winks at Billy.) Any idea on how you intend to do that? Or are you just gonna flirt me to death like your little tarty sister.

Billy: Watch your language in front of the ladies. Consider that a warning.

Demon: I’m sorry, was it the word ‘sister’ that bothered you? How about bitch. Does that go down easier?

(Billy jumps on the demon and they both come out of the screen and they roll around on the floor.)

Phoebe: Prue, stop him.

(Prue uses her power and the demon is thrown through the air. Billy stands up and he’s still in black and white.)

Demon: You’re off the screen. How did you…? Thanks for the inspiration, sport.

(He runs outside.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Leo and Billy are there. Prue puts the Book Of Shadows on a table.]

Piper: So what does he want?

Prue: Well, it doesn’t matter, right? Let’s just get rid of him.

Billy: I don’t mean to interrupt but is there a point in this scene where someone explains my part to me?

Piper: Phoebe, you brought the fictitious character back for a play date, you tell him.

Phoebe: You’re right, we should have left him at the movie theatre, he would’ve really blended in there. Um, Billy, this isn’t a movie. Uh, this is reality as in we’re all real and you… I haven’t quite figured that part out yet.

Billy: But you…

Leo: They’re the good guys.

Prue: Right, okay, um, we know that the demon can go from the real world to the world of Illusion and now he can bring a buddy along for the ride. The question is what does he want?

Piper: Leo, they told you that his goal was to create violence in society.

Leo: Yeah, but they left out the how part.

Billy: He goes into movies. That’s where he does it.

Prue: Does what?

Billy: Well, first he… Where’s the music?

Phoebe: Music? What music?

Billy: This is around the second act, right? When everything’s about to be explained. Where’s the music we’re supposed to talk over, to build suspense and hide the exposition? Don’t you just hate exposition?

Phoebe: Don’t even get me started.

Prue: All right, you said that he does something in the movie. Like, what, to the story?

Billy: No, to the audience. When they leave they’re different, angry.

Piper: So that’s his shtick? He casts a spell in the movies?

Leo: Must be how this demon spreads his particular brand of violence.

Phoebe: Wait, that’s why he looked so familiar. He wasn’t at the movie, he was in the movie.

Piper: So if he can use Billy’s movie, then he can use other movies.

Leo: If he’s gonna spread violence, he’s gonna pray on people who are already open to it.

Prue: All right, so he’ll be in horror movies. I’ll grab a paper, head out to the theatres that are playing those.

Piper: Okay, Leo and I will go with you.

Phoebe: I’ll call Morris, give him a heads up.

Prue: Uh, Phoebe, maybe you should do something with Billy. You know, add a little techni-colour to him.

[Cut to the foyer. Leo, Piper and Prue are walking down the stairs. Prue’s cell phone rings. She answers it.]

Prue: Hello?

Finley: Miss Halliwell.

Prue: Mr. Beck. (They walk towards the door.) Uh, how did you get…

Finley: You realize I have photo approval?

(Piper puts on her coat.)

Prue: Yes, I’m totally aware that you have photo approval.

Finley: I want to see them.

Prue: Now?

Finley: Yes.

Prue: Well, no, see actually I’m not at home right now. (Piper helps Prue puts her coat on.) So maybe we can meet at the magazine later.

Finley: That won’t work for me.

Prue: Later’s not good for you?

Finley: No.

Prue: Well, when would be good for you, exactly?

Finley: (from outside) Now. (They all stand still.) Little late don’t you think? I can see you moving. (Prue hangs up and opens the door.) Dark room would be where?

(He walks in.)

Piper: So that’s Finley?

Prue: My hero. Well, I guess the plans has sort of changed.

Piper: All right, we’ll call you later.

(Piper and Leo leave.)

Finley: (from another room) Don’t mind me. I’m just wandering through your house.

[Scene: Movie theatre. “Axe Husband” is playing. The axe murderer murders a girl and the demon comes on the screen.]

Demon: How would you like to do that for real? I can get you out of here. Take you to a place where the movie never ends. (The audience start talking and wonders what’s going on.) Simmer down. (Dust comes out of his hand and floats over the audience.) I’ll get back to you in a moment. (to the axe murderer) So, interested? (He nods.) Uh, as with most things, there is one catch. I get to pick three victims. They’re choice little morsels and I think you’ll find them quite powerless against your charms. Feel free to kill anyone you like on the way. Just get me those girls. (The axe murderer walks out of the screen.) Now, ladies and gentlemen. Let’s make your PG lives rated R. Who needs violence when you can make it yourself.

(The audience start fighting and yelling at each other.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe’s putting make-up on Billy. He’s all colour now except for a little spot on his forehead.]

Phoebe: And then that part when Sally Mae gets her hair caught in the car door right when the monster’s about to get her. I love that part. Oh, I’m sorry. Not only have you seen it, you’ve lived it.

Billy: It’s all right. I like to hear what you think.

Phoebe: Okay, now you have to be careful not to say that because every girl will know that you’re not for real. (Billy smiles at her.) You make me feel like a kid again. I mean, I-I must’ve seen you… well, the movie a thousand times.

Billy: I’m glad you liked it.

Phoebe: Yeah, and even with that ridiculous dialogue and that predictable story, you just… you made your character seem really real, you know.

Billy: Phoebe, I am those lines. That’s how I was written. I don’t exist outside that movie.

Phoebe: Until now.

Billy: I never minded. I always knew what scenes to show up for or what to say. But then he comes into the movie and I’m getting to write my own lines. Be more like you. I think you’re swell, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Thank you, Billy.

Billy: But I don’t know how this happened or how I’m supposed to be. Everything I’ve ever known, understood, touched, it’s all been scripted. I had no choice but here you have options. Where to go, what to say, what to do.

Phoebe: Well, you’re in my world now. What do you wanna do? (Billy takes off Phoebe’s glasses and they kiss passionately. When they end the kiss, Phoebe notices his lips have turned back to black and white.) I almost forgot. (She starts putting the make-up back on his lips. The phone rings and Phoebe answers it.) Hello?

Morris: Hi Phoebe. Thanks for the heads up on the movie theatre thing.

Phoebe: What happened?

Morris: Mission multiplex. One dead, four injured, six in custody. Can you believe that?

Phoebe: You know what? At this point I think I would believe anything. Okay, thank you for calling but keep your eyes open. I think this day’s gonna get worse before it gets better, okay? All right.

Morris: Bye.

Phoebe: Bye. (She hangs up and then dials a number.) Piper, we found our demon.

[Cut to downstairs in the dark room. Prue and Finley are developing the photos.]

Prue: Um, you know, maybe you’d like to take those home. Relax, ponder, choose which one you’d like.

Finley: Maybe you’d like to be quiet while I see if I can save these things.

Phoebe: (from upstairs) Prue, is it okay to come down?

Prue: Not really a good time.

Phoebe: Okay, well I really need to demon-strate something for you.

Prue: Okay, what is it?

(Phoebe pokes her head around the curtain.)

Phoebe: Uh, once you finish your thing and I finish my thing, then we really need to go meet Piper and Leo to fix the thing that we saw at the…

Prue: Thing.

Phoebe: Exact… I love you. I’ll be back upstairs.

Prue: Okay. (Phoebe leaves. Prue notices Finley looking at her.) Sisters.

Finley: Here. Print this one again. But you need to flag a gradual fade on the wall behind the me and burn in the key under my chin. Would you like me to hold your hand this time? (Prue turns on the light. She puts a photo under a magnifying glass.) I figured out what’s wrong with your photos, Miss Halliwell. Absolutely no depth.

Prue: Really? Now would that be the technique or the subject?

Finley: Excuse me?

Prue: I wish I could. Your work meant more to me than you will ever know and because of that, I have carried around this illusion of what it would mean to me to meet you and to learn from you and how that would make me appreciate your work even more, but now it is so hard for me to even look at your pictures because I think of the man who took them. And it is devastating to me to realise that the brilliance of your eye is completely destroyed by the ignorance of your mouth.

(The photo under the magnifying glass catches on fire.)

Finley: See that’s the thing about art, Miss Halliwell. If you leave your subject under the light too long, it burns.

(Finley leaves and starts to walk up the stairs. Prue grabs her camera.)

Prue: Mr. Beck. (He turns his head and she takes a photo.) Thank you.

Finley: You’re welcome.

[Scene: Movie theatre. The movie with Bloody Mary in it is playing. Piper and Leo walk in.]

Piper: It wasn’t much of a date last night. You wanna find a couple of seats in the back and make out before demon hunting? (The demon appears on the screen and dust comes out of his hands and floats onto the audience.) Okay, well, I’m okay, you’re okay. Magic perk.

Demon: Didn’t you hear the management? Please refrain from talking. Oh, well, I guess I’ll have to kill you. Better yet. Mary, oh Bloody Mary. (Mary walks on the screen.) There’s one of the girls who’s been getting in my way. Don’t stab her all in one place.

(Bloody Mary come out of the screen and heads for Piper and Leo. Piper tries freezing her.)

Piper: Okay, uh, that didn’t work but my legs still do. Okay let’s go.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Billy are making out.]

[Cut to the dark room. Prue’s putting things away.]

Prue: I’ll be right there, Pheebs. (The axe murderer chops down the curtain and then aims for Prue. She screams and ducks. She tries to use her power on him and starts to run up the stairs. He trips her and he raises his axe. Prue stands back up and he chops the stair. Prue kicks him in the face and runs out of the basement.) Phoebe! (She runs up the stairs.)

[Cut to the attic. Phoebe and Billy are still making out. Prue runs in.]

Phoebe: Hello, privacy.

Prue: Hello, axe murderer. (Prue uses her power and moves a table in front of the door. The axe murderer chops his way through the door. Phoebe and Prue stand behind Billy. Then they run towards the back of the room and Prue moves a dresser in front of them with her power. The axe murderer continues to chop things with his axe. He rips off a dress that was hanging on a stand with his axe.) Oh, that was an antique, you assho- (Billy covers her mouth.)

Phoebe: He’s very, very sensitive about the language.

[Cut to the foyer. Piper runs in and locks the door.]

Piper: (She wanders through the house while saying this.) (Panicking) Okay, dead woman with a knife on her way. Leo stayed behind to calm down the… Where is everybody?

(She hears screams from upstairs and runs up the stairs.)

[Cut back to the attic. The axe murderer is still chopping through things. Prue grabs a chair and holds it up but the axe murderer chops it. Then all of sudden he stops and falls to the floor. You see a piece of wood sticking in his back and Piper standing there.]

Phoebe: Pretty sneaky, sis.

(Prue goes over to Piper.)

Prue: Phoebe, does this guy look familiar to you?

Phoebe: Uh, yeah, kinda.

Piper: When Leo and I tracked down the demon, he sent some white pasty hag literally off the screen to kill us. I think he called her Bloody Mary.

Phoebe: Wait a minute, this Paul Bunyan with a lobotomy, he’s from “Axe Husband”, I saw that last week.

Prue: We so have to monitor your viewing habits.

(The axe murderer moves and they all scream and run down the stairs.)

Piper: We can’t kill them, they’re not real, they’re fiction.

Prue: We can’t kill something that doesn’t exist.

(Bloody Mary appears from around the corner and they all scream. Billy grabs her and she stabs him.)

Phoebe: Billy!

Billy: I have something in common with the bad guys. Run!

(Bloody Mary pulls the knife out. Everyone runs in different directions.)

[Cut to the bathroom. Piper runs in and shuts the door. She looks around for a place to hide. She gets in the shower and pulls the shower curtain across.]

Piper: I am being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower.

(She hears the door open and she stands still. Then she hears footsteps getting closer and closer to the shower. She crouches down and you see a shadow through the shower curtain and an arm reaches up and pulls the shower curtain across. Piper screams. It’s Prue and she screams too. They calm down and Piper gets out of the shower.)

Prue: Okay, okay, oh, oh, at least they’re not in the bathroom with us, that’s-that’s kinda good.

(The door opens and Bloody Mary walks in.)

Bloody Mary: Pretty little girls.

(They scream again and run out the other door. They run around the corner and run into Phoebe and Billy. They all scream. They calm down.)

Phoebe: I think I figured out how to kill these guys. (You see the axe murderer’s shadow coming around the corner. He walks around the corner and Billy pounces on him.) Billy!

Billy: He can’t hurt me. You run. I’ll see if I can hold this one off.

(They run back upstairs into the attic.)

Phoebe: Okay, okay, so Billy said that the only thing he knows is what’s written for him in those movies, so maybe this is the only way the psycho’s know how to die is how they were killed on screen.

Piper: Well, how am I supposed to know that? I’m a romantic-comedy girl. Why go to the horror movies when they come to us?

Prue: All right, that leaves you, Pheebs.

(Bloody Mary enters the attic.)

Bloody Mary: Miss me?

Phoebe: Okay, that’s Bloody Mary and she was, uh, thrown out of a window. And that axe guy, he was, uh, he was, he was electrocuted. So go tell Billy and…

Prue: And see if the slasher will stick his finger in a socket, sure.

(Prue walks around Bloody Mary and leaves the attic. Bloody Mary walks towards Phoebe and Piper.)

Piper: Okay, get her, get her.

Phoebe: We have got to do something about that complexion.

(Phoebe grabs her and flips her over her head. Phoebe then holds onto a beam above her and kicks Bloody Mary and she crashes through the window. Piper and Phoebe look outside and she disappears.)

Piper: One down and one to go.

(Suddenly, Prue comes flying through the doorway and lands on the ground.)

Phoebe: Prue.

Prue: He wasn’t real receptive to the plan.

(She stands up.)

Piper: Does anybody else get tired of cleaning up after these guys?

(The axe murderer walks in. Piper sees a bucket of water and pulls it close to her. Prue then sees a heater on. Billy comes in.)

Billy: It’s okay, (he rolls up his sleeves) the man is here to save the day.

(He holds his fists up.)

Prue: Billy, it’s the 21st century, it’s the woman’s job to save the day.

(Prue uses her power and the heater flies up over to the axe murderer catches it. Phoebe throws the bucket of water on him and electrocutes him. He disappears.)

Piper: It’s over.

Phoebe: Don’t ever say that. Every time someone says that in the movies, something always…

(The doorbell rings.)

[Cut to downstairs. They all cautiously walk through the foyer up to the door. Piper slowly reaches out to grab the door knob.]

Morris: It’s Darryl.

(They all jump. Piper opens the door.)

Piper: Hi. (Prue, Phoebe and Billy go in the living room.) Serious face. It’s okay, we’re too tired for pleasantries. Just tell us.

(Morris and Piper walk in the living room. Everyone sits down except for Morris. He looks at Billy confused.)

Phoebe: He’s okay.

Morris: It wasn’t just an outbreak at one theatre. I’ve got stuff going down on multiple locations. And on top of that, I got a series of murders straight out of the movies. I think we’re looking at a copycat.

Phoebe: Only there’s more than one cat.

Prue: How much do you want?

Morris: Only what I need.

Prue: It’s not someone imitating what happens on the screen. It’s someone from the screen doing what comes naturally.

Phoebe: Killing without scripts. So we, um… well, let’s just say we rewrote them.

Morris: So is it over?

Piper: Not even close. We don’t know how many more are out there and we have no way of stopping the demon from tampering with the audiences, so…

Morris: You used the ‘d’ word again.

Piper: Sorry.

(Morris’ pager beeps.)

Morris: I gotta get back to the station. Call me.

Phoebe: Thanks, Darryl.

(He leaves.)

Piper: We have to find this guy before it gets any worse.

Prue: Yeah, only we don’t know where he is.

Billy: I know where he’s gonna be tonight.

Phoebe: Don’t ya just love it when he does that?

Billy: The demon didn’t just show up at my movie today. He’s been there before. Every time we leave for a new city, he goes there too.

Piper: You mean he’s traveling in the print?

Phoebe: And tonight’s the last night in this city. That’s where he’s gonna be.

Prue: Right, so the midnight show will be his final performance. We can’t kill him in our world so we’ll have to do it in his.

Piper: You mean, go into the movie? Can we even right a spell for that?

Phoebe: I could probably whip up a potion or something.

Piper: Well, how about two. One to make sure we can get in and one to make sure we can get out.

Prue: Phoebe’s pharmaceuticals.

Phoebe: (to Billy) That means I’m gonna have to leave you there.

Billy: So, you’ll always know where to find me.

Prue: So let’s go to the movies.

[Scene: Movie theatre. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Billy walk in. Sally Mae’s on the screen. The same guy as before is asleep in the front row.]

Sally Mae: Billy, you’re back. Just in time. Well, this is the part where we’re supposed to be… You brought company. Oh, Billy, how could you? We were going steady. And you… you pinned me.

Billy: That’s because the writers told me to, Sally Mae. I mean, you’re a nice girl and all but… (he looks at Phoebe) Anyway, these people, they’re here to help us.

Piper: Phoebe, do you have the potion?

Phoebe: Mmm hmm.

(She hands them little jars of green potion.)

Prue: Oh, couldn’t you at least have made it look like it tasted good?

(Billy and Phoebe take the lids off the jars and clink them together. They drink it and throw the jars behind them. Billy walks in the movie and holds out his hand for Phoebe. Phoebe walks in the movie and looks at herself. She laughs.)

Phoebe: Check me out. I’m retro.

(Piper drinks her potion.)

Piper: Ugh, it tastes like ass… (Billy gives her a look.) phalt.

(Piper goes in the movie. The demon walks on the screen.)

Demon: And now for the final climax.

(The guy in the seat wakes up and pushes Prue on the floor. He goes to jump on her but she kicks him in the stomach.)

Piper: He’s under a spell.

Prue: Piper, behind you. (Piper turns around and punches the demon in the face.) Deep down I know that you’re an innocent so I can’t really kill you but I can… (Prue uses her power and throws him across the room.) Sleep tight, film boy.

Demon: You’re outta your league. In fact, you’re outta your world. Didn’t anybody ever tell you what happens once the movie ends if you’re still in it? No? Well, I’d love to explain it to you but we’re out of time.

Piper: Prue?

Prue: Piper, Phoebe, get out of there quick.

(Phoebe and Piper run towards the screen but smack straight into it.)

Piper: Oh!

Phoebe: Ouch.

(The movie starts getting dark.)

Piper: Prue, why is it getting dark? Prue, what’s going on?

(“The End” shows up on the screen.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Movie theatre. Continued from before.]

Piper: Prue, do something.

Prue: Where are you? What can I do? (Prue astral projects in the projector room. The projectionist is asleep in his chair. She walks over to the projector.) Where the hell is reverse?

(She pushes a button on the wall and the movie rewinds.)

Phoebe: Prue?

(Prue astral projects back in her body.)

Prue: Are you guys okay?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Piper: Yeah.

Prue: Get outta there quick.

(Phoebe and Piper drink the other potion and walk out of the screen. They hug Prue.)

Demon: That’s right. Run away, little witches. So these are the mighty Charmed Ones. Ooh, watch me run in fear.

Piper: Prue, I don’t know what else we can do.

Demon: And you’re supposed to be the perky one. You should really try not to be so negative. How does it feel to finally know someone you can’t defeat?

Prue: I don’t know, you tell me. (Prue uses her power and turns to picture head monitor off.) You know, if you leave a subject under the light for too long it burns.

(The film starts melting.)

Demon: No!

(The film melts.)

[Scene: Later on in the projector room.]

Projectionist: Thanks for waking me up to warn me about the film burning. I could’ve lost my job.

Piper: (to Prue) I guess you learnt something from Finley after all.

Prue: Yeah, I guess he did come in handy. You can love the work but not the man.

Piper: What if you love them both?

[Cut to Phoebe. She’s talking to Billy. Billy’s in the screen.]

Phoebe: I guess it’s only fair. I got my first glimpse of romance from watching you on the big screen. Other girls deserve that same view. Thank you for restoring my faith in the male species.

Billy: Now all you have to do is hold out for one that’s three dimensional.

(Billy holds his hand up against the screen. Phoebe does the same. They start walking away and then look back at each other. They walk away.)

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper and Leo are cuddled up on the couch.]

Piper: You’ve gotta be kidding, the date was a disaster.

Leo: I had a great time. I especially liked the look on your face when the accordion player broke out in that song.

(Piper hits him playfully.)

Piper: Are you making fun of me?

Leo: No.

Piper: Yes. (They kiss.) It was our first date, I wanted it to be, I wanted us to be…

Leo: A normal couple?

Piper: Yes.

Leo: Well, you’re a witch and I’m a Whitelighter. You know, busy, being called away are probably the only normal things about us.

Piper: Hmm.

(They kiss.)

[Cut to the doorway. The door is open slightly and Dan walks in.]

Dan: Hello, door’s open.

[Cut back to the living room. Leo and Piper stop kissing. Dan walks in the foyer.]

Dan: Is anybody, uh…

(He sees Leo and Piper.)

Piper: I, uh… (Dan walks back outside.) No, Dan, wait. (Piper walks in the foyer. She notices he’s holding a small box of stuff.) What’s this?

Dan: This is yours. Some of the things you left over at my house.

Piper: Oh.

Dan: I kept them around because part of me was hoping that maybe… maybe that you’d come back. After last night I realised that I have to move on too.

Piper: Um, thanks.

(Prue comes barging through the door.)

Prue: Hey. (She sees Dan.) Dan, hi, um, are you…

Dan: Just leaving. I, uh…

Piper: Yeah. (Dan leaves.) Does it never get any easier? Okay, talk to me of something else. What happened at the magazine?

Prue: Oh, I had another run in with Finley. (They walk in the living room. Prue sees Leo.) Hey, you. (They sit down. Phoebe comes in.) Anyway, it all worked out.

(Phoebe sits on the same chair as Prue.)

Phoebe: Did you get to tell off the demon of crankiness again?

Prue: No, once was enough but my editor did love this shot that I chose of him. (She shows them the photo she took when he was on the stairs.) Said that it captured the real man. Speaking of, I will never see another horror movie again but I ran across this and thought…

(She gives Phoebe the video of “Kill It Before It Dies”.)

Phoebe: Prue, oh, Prue. I love it, I love it. I’m gonna go watch it right now.

(She runs out of the living room and up the stairs.)

Piper: Should we worry?

Prue: I-I think she’s just saying goodbye.

[Cut to Phoebe’s room. She’s lying on her bed watching the movie. She’s miming the words they’re saying in the movie.]