Written by: Krista Vernoff
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick
Season 5, Episode 04
Episode Number: 92
[Scene: Manor. Phoebe’s room. Phoebe is asleep in bed. She is dreaming about Cole, having flashbacks.]
Cole: Ladies, my name’s Cole Turner… I won’t hurt you.
Phoebe: It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?
Cole: Phoebe, I’m telling you, I’m not evil anymore… I come to you, a man, nothing more, nothing less.
Piper, Phoebe, Paige: Vanquish this evil from time and space.
(Phoebe wakes up with a jolt.)
[Scene: An apartment. A man and a woman are on the bed. The woman is humming a song. She strokes his chest and then his face. She gasps.]
Man: Don’t stop.
Woman: But it’s time. Can’t you feel it? Your wife is almost here.
Man: Oh, my wife. Melissa.
Woman: Yes, didn’t I mention? (A door opens and closes from outside.) I always like to let the wives watch their men die.
(She walks in.)
Woman: Now. (She kisses David passionately and hums a song. Smoke rises from their lips and turns into flames. David falls back on the bed, dead.) Wow. Oh, your husband was so much fun. It’s time to snap out of it and feel the pain.
(She throws her against a table and it smashes.)
Woman: Oh, he can’t hear you. (She waves her hand in front of the curtain and it bursts into flames.) Not anymore.
Melissa: Oh, god!
(She races over to David but she stops her.)
Woman: Ah-a-a-a. You see, I was burned for my sins. Only fair you should burn too.
(Melissa coughs from the smoke. The woman smokes out.)
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe’s office. Phoebe’s sitting at her desk, talking on the phone.]
Phoebe: Death did us part, Cole. Just because you figured out a way to come back, doesn’t mean that I didn’t keep my end of the bargain.
Cole: Come on, Phoebe, a quickie divorce…
Phoebe: I just thought since we weren’t gonna ride off into the sunset…
Cole: You want sunset? I can have us on horseback in five seconds flat.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah? What, are you gonna steal a horse from one of those apocalypse guys?
Cole: Haven’t I proven to you that I’m not evil anymore?
Phoebe: Cole, we’ve been through this, okay. Your powers are evil, your blood is acidic and everything that you are you stole from the demonic wasteland.
Cole: This morning my firm agreed to pro bono work. You can’t say that’s evil.
Phoebe: Well, if you use demonic mind control to convince your firm to do it, then yeah.
Cole: I also used my powers to vanquish three demons this week. What about that?
Phoebe: Cole, it doesn’t matter who you’re helping. If you’re using your evil powers then it doesn’t help, count.
(Cole turns up the volume on the TV.)
Reporter: The neighbours fear that some residents may be trapped inside.
Reporter: The flames are so intense the firefighters have been unable to get inside to help.
Phoebe: Cole? (Cole disappears.) Cole?
[Cut to the Bay Mirror. Some employees are watching the news. Suddenly, Cole walks out of the building on the TV, carrying a woman.]
Employee: He saved that woman!
Employee #2: He saved her.
(Phoebe watches the TV in awe.)
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Paige is there making a potion. Piper walks in slowly, holding her stomach.]
Piper: Paige? (Piper hiccups and a fizzy bubble floats out of her mouth.) Paige.
Paige: Yeah, just a second.
(Piper hiccups another fizzy bubble. Piper picks up a pan and drops it on the table. Paige gets a fright and drops something in the pot. The potion explodes.)
Paige: Uh! Are you trying to kill us?
Piper: No, I’m trying to get a little attention around here, which these days seems to require a small explosion.
Paige: Well, excuse me for trying to focus.
Piper: Focus? Paige, ever since you quit your job you’ve been on some weird witchcraft mission. Now, I miss my sister and I can not stand the constant reek of your potions.
Paige: Well, since when do your nasal passages take precedence over my potions?
Piper: Since I got pregnant and my senses went into over drive. But that’s alright, you know, you’ve been busy, maybe you haven’t noticed.
Paige: Look, I gave up a promising career so I could focus on the craft and no offence, Piper, I’ve still got a lot to learn. Which means I can’t just sit around the house chit-chatting.
Piper: Paige, I don’t wanna chat. I got problems here. Geez, you look like my husband with boobs.
(Piper hiccups a fizzy bubble. She sighs.)
Paige: Uh, what the hell was that?
Piper: That was the latest in a series of wacky tricks my growing baby is playing on my body. You know, because the constant nausea and the torturous breast pain was not enough.
Paige: That orbs, is that normal?
Piper: This is what I’d like to know. You’re half Whitelighter like the baby, did you ever…
Paige: Burp white light? No. What else is happening to you?
Piper: What’s happening is I think my baby is trying to turn me into some kind of pacifist.
Paige: Huh. What does Leo say about this?
Piper: Well, mostly Leo says “Sorry, honey, I gotta go”. (They hear the TV on and they walk into the living room. Leo’s there watching TV.) Oh, good, you’re home. You would not believe what’s happening with my…
Leo: Did you see this?
Paige: You came home to watch TV?
Leo: No, look.
(The news is showing replays of Cole saving Melissa.)
Piper: Is that Cole?
Paige: Oh my god, I can’t believe he’s doing look at me I’m a good guy routine on prime time. Phoebe must be thrilled.
Leo: Well, she should be. The Elders said the woman he saved, Melissa, is a future Whitelighter and if he hadn’t saved her, she would never get the chance to do the good that would earn her her wings.
Piper: Well, speaking of Whitelighters, I dreamt an animated musical last night. Is that normal?
Piper: Yeah, in case you haven’t noticed which I know you haven’t, my body, my thoughts, my dreams have all gone wonky.
Leo: Well, I’m sure it’s all just normal pregnancy stuff. I mean, we could talk about this later if you want to.
Paige: Oh, I think you should talk about it now.
Leo: Okay, well, I think this attack on Melissa was demonic and the Elders want me to watch after her until she’s safe.
Piper: Fine. Go.
(Tears well up in her eyes.)
Leo: Oh, not the crying thing.
Piper: Leo, I have growing powers inside of me. Powers that I do not understand, and the only person who does understand them never has time to talk. Add that to raging hormones and I guarantee you I am absolutely entitled to do the crying thing!
(She hiccups another fizzy bubble.)
Paige: Okay, is that normal?
Leo: I am sure that it’s just all this arguing has got the baby upset.
Piper: Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mummy.
Leo: Okay, honey, look, I’m sure that it’s nothing to worry about. Right now I need to watch after Melissa and you need to figure out who’s after her. I’m sorry.
(Piper looks away. Leo kisses her head and orbs out.)
Paige: You want me to orb his butt back here for you?
Piper: No, he’s right. Innocents come first. And besides, the smell of his aftershave was making me wanna vomit a little.
(She heads for the door.)
Paige: Where you going?
Piper: To Darryl. To see if the police found anything at the crime scene that might help.
Paige: Okay, not to sound too simplistic but if she’s a Whitelighter-to-be, doesn’t that mean we’re after a Darklighter?
Piper: No, Darklighters use poison arrows, they don’t usually set fires.
Paige: Well, why would a demon wanna kill her anyway?
Piper: I don’t know, but the sooner we find out, the sooner I’ll probably be able to finish a conversation with my husband.
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe’s office. Phoebe’s sitting at her desk. There’s a knock at the door.]
Phoebe: I’m not here, go away.
(The door opens and Elise walks in.)
Elise: Ahh, if it isn’t the little wife.
Phoebe: Actually, it’s not. My marriage is over. All except for the paperwork.
Elise: Don’t let your readers here you say that. Who wants to take advice from the woman who’s divorcing Superman?
Phoebe: Elise, he’s no hero. And if you’re here to make me give an interview that’s exactly what I’ll say.
Elise: Which is why you’ll be getting the interview instead.
Phoebe: Excuse me? No, I’m not a reporter.
Elise: No, but you’re the wife. It’s called human interest. Call your husband and get an exclusive with him. Consider this a personal favour. By favour I mean order.
(Elise leaves her office. Phoebe races after her.)
Phoebe: Elise. Woman to woman, okay? Cole was the love of my life. And I’m finally learning to live my life without him. Now calling him for a favour would be opening up a can of worms that I have worked so hard to close.
Elise: Woman to woman, if you’re still describing this guy as the love of your life then the can is open, the worms are out and you may as well use them to go fishing.
[Scene: A club. The Siren is sitting at the bar. She smiles at a man sitting at the bar a couple of stools down.]
Siren: Shouldn’t you be at home with your wife?
(She moves to the stool next to him.)
Siren: Rough day?
Man: Rough month.
Siren: You know what might make you feel better? A little music. (She starts humming a song. She strokes his face. The news comes on a TV near by.) What? She’s alive?
Man: I’m sorry, what?
Siren: You have no idea how lucky you just got.
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe’s office. Phoebe and Cole are there.]
Phoebe: Alright, let’s get this over with, shall we? (She sighs.) What was going through your mind while you were in the fire?
Cole: Uh, well, mostly I was hoping that one of the powers I picked up from the demonic wasteland would protect me from the flames.
Phoebe: You know what? Let’s just forget it. Let’s just forget this whole thing.
Cole: No, no, no, I’m sorry. I’ll, uh, I’ll rein it in.
Phoebe: Alright. Well, what was going through your mind when you were in the fire?
Cole: I was thinking, um, I hope I make it out of this. I’d hate to never see my wife again.
Cole: I’m serious. All day long, every thing I do I’m thinking of you.
Phoebe: Okay, do you think this is some kind of game? Do you have any idea how disturbing it was for me to watch you walk through a wall of fire.
Cole: I saved a woman’s life, how is that disturbing?
Phoebe: Well, because you have more powers than any demon I have ever met. And the city may think that you’re just this brave guy, but I know the truth, okay, and it’s freakin’ scary.
Cole: I will not use my powers for anything but good.
Phoebe: I know you believe that and I know you want it to be true but, Cole, it’s just a matter of time.
Cole: You’re wrong.
(He stands up.)
Phoebe: Cole, evil is inside of you, it’s who you are. And no amount of good deeds will ever change that.
Cole: You’re wrong. And if I have to hunt down and kill every demon in San Francisco to prove it to you, then that’s what I’m gonna do.
Phoebe: Cole. What about the interview?
Cole: You know me so well, make it up.
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige and a Darklighter are there. The Darklighter is in a crystal trap. Piper walks in.]
Paige: In the attic.
Piper: Okay, so the good news is it’s not a… Darklighter.
Darklighter: That’s what I’ve been telling her.
(Paige throws a crystal at the trap and shocks him.)
Paige: Shut up!
Darklighter: I told you, I don’t know anything!
(She touches the trap with a crystal and shocks him. He doubles over in pain.)
Piper: Paige. What are you doing?
(They walk away from the trap.)
Paige: Relax, Piper, I summoned him into a trap so he can tell me which one of his lovely friends is trying to kill Melissa.
Piper: I’m sorry, did you say relax? You brought a Darklighter into our home and you want me to relax?
Paige: Don’t worry, the Book Of Shadows is safe downstairs.
(The Darklighter tries to disable the trap but zaps himself.)
Piper: I’m not worried about the book. Paige, you have Whitelighter genes which means this guy could kill you, not to mention my husband an my unborn child.
(The Whitelighter disables the trap and escapes.)
Paige: It’s not like he’s in a power position or anything. (The Whitelighter’s crossbow appears and he shoots for Piper and Paige. They move out of the way.) Okay, I was wrong, blow him up!
(Piper tries to blow him up but fireworks appear above him.)
Piper: What the hell?
(The crossbow orbs into Paige’s hands and she shoots at the Darklighter. He is vanquished.)
Piper: See? This is why we do not summon Darklighters to the house!
Paige: Noted. Now what the hell is going on with your powers, lady?
Piper: I don’t know. I think my half-Whitelighter baby thought that fireworks would be prettier than demon guts.
Paige: Okay, we need to teach your also half-witch baby the joys of maiming and killing demons.
(She points at her with the crossbow.)
Piper: Get that thing away from me. (Paige puts it down.) Leo!
Paige: What, are you gonna tell on me now?
Piper: No! We need help, especially if my baby’s gonna be messing with my powers. Look, Melissa’s husband’s lungs were incinerated before the apartment burned. Leo! And Darryl said three other men died the same way recently. So the fact that Melissa is a future Whitelighter might be just a coincidence. For god’s sakes, Leo! (Her mobile phone rings. She answers it.) Hello?
Leo: Yeah, what’s up?
Piper: What’s up? Now you don’t even come home when I call?
Leo: Well, I haven’t had a chance to get in to heal Melissa. She’s in really bad shape but I think the doctor’s about to come out any minute.
[Cut to Leo at the hospital.]
Piper: Yeah, okay, but we’re in pretty bad shape here too. We’ve got some fire breathing demon to deal with.
(A nurse walks up to Leo.)
Nurse: Uh, sir, that phone is for staff use only.
Leo: Okay, just one second. (to Piper) Now’s my chance, I have to go.
[Cut to the attic.]
Piper: No, no, no, you don’t understand. My powers are on the fritz and I have no idea how to… (Leo hangs up.) Control them.
[Cut to the hospital. Leo walks into Melissa’s room. The Siren smokes in.]
(He holds out his hand and the Siren sees his wedding ring. She starts humming a song and moves closer to Leo.)
[Cut to the manor. Attic.]
Paige: Maybe he got disconnected?
Piper: Oh, no, he hung up on me. Okay, vanquish demon first, kill husband later. Let’s just get to the book… (She hears the Siren’s humming.) Leo.
Piper: It’s so beautiful.
Paige: What is? Hello, anybody home?
[Cut to the hospital. The Siren is kissing Leo. Smoke is rising from their lips. Paige orbs in with Piper.]
Paige: Hey! (She grabs an IV stand and hits the Siren over her back. She is knocked to the floor. Leo coughs.) Orb her out, Leo!
(Leo orbs out with Melissa. The Siren gets up.)
Piper: Kiss this, bitch! (Piper tries to blow her up but colourful leaves fall from above her.) Oh, bad baby!
(The Siren pushes Piper out the window. Paige throws a pole at the Siren and it goes right through her stomach. Paige orbs out. The Siren smokes out.)
[Cut to outside. Piper is falling from the room. Paige orbs in and grabs her. They fall into a dumpster.]
Piper: I hit her with flowers?
Paige: You’re welcome.
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Leo and Melissa are there. Melissa is lying on the couch while Leo heals her. Piper and Paige orb in and Piper freezes Melissa.]
Paige: Well, at least that power still works.
Leo: Are you alright? What happened?
Piper: Before or after you were making out with the demon?
Paige: Well, I’ll just go get the book.
Piper: No, don’t you honey me. Leo, our pacifist offspring just turned my best offensive power into flowers. Which got me blown out a window.
(Leo goes over to her.)
Leo: Wh- are you alright? Did she heal you?
Piper: Oh, is that what you think? Because I’m self healing now that you don’t need to be around?
Leo: No, I don’t think that at all. Look, let’s just focus on what’s going on with your powers.
Piper: No, I’m sick and tired of focusing on everything but us. I feel like I’m going through this whole pregnancy thing by myself and I do not like it.
Leo: Well, what am I supposed to do? I have a job.
Piper: Yeah, you have a wife too.
(Paige walks in with the book.)
Paige: I think I found the demon. Am I interrupting something?
Piper: Yes. What does the book say?
Paige: Well, as a mortal the Siren fell in love with a married man but when they were caught the man was held blameless.
Paige: The village women cheered as they burned her to death and her rage turned her into a Siren, a vengeful demon who seduces married men with her song, then destroys the couples with the very flame that consumed her.
Paige: Nothing we can’t handle with a good potion.
Leo: I wouldn’t be so sure, you didn’t feel her power.
Piper: Looked to me like you felt a little bit more than her power.
Leo: Yeah, right, like I really wanted to.
Piper: Yeah, well, if you were home instead…
Leo: What? What am I supposed to do? Abandon my charges? Clip my wings?
Piper: I expect you to care, and notice, and ask what’s going on with me. I expect you to make me a priority and not just when demons are involved.
(Orbing light appears out of Piper and Leo’s backs.)
Paige: Uh, Piper, Leo?
Leo: Look, it’s not like I’m out golfing or screwing around. I’m working and my work is very important.
Piper: I’m not saying that it isn’t.
Leo: Then what are you saying?
Paige: You guys?
Piper: Forget it, you don’t understand.
Leo: I don’t understand? You don’t understand.
Piper: Well, I understand that your charges are more important than your family.
Leo: You have no idea what I go through every day.
Piper: Yeah, well, you have no clue what I go through every day.
(The two orbing lights hit Piper and Leo and knock them to the floor.)
Paige: Ooh, that can’t have been good.
Leo: What happened?
(Piper and Leo get up.)
Paige: Well, I tried to tell you guys. Orbs were swirling and…
(Melissa unfreezes. She gets up, frightened.)
Melissa: Where, where am I?
Leo: Freeze her again.
(Piper tries to freeze her but she orbs out and back in instead.)
Piper: Whoa. (Melissa gasps.) What just happened here?
(Melissa gets scared and heads for the door.)
Leo: Melissa, wait!
(He reaches out for her and blows up the glass on the door.)
Melissa: Oh my god!
Piper: Hey! That’s my power!
(Melissa opens the door and runs away. Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Okay, why do I have the feeling my day’s about to get worse?
[Scene: The Siren’s place. The Siren and a demon are there. The Siren still has the pole stuck in her stomach. The demon is making a black paste.]
Demon: Hold on, almost there.
(He pulls out the pole.)
Siren: Was it the Charmed Ones?
(He smells the pole.)
Demon: Smells that way. There were only two? (She nods.) Lucky you didn’t meet all three. You wouldn’t have had the luxury of calling me for healing. (He spreads some paste on her wound.) You should leave before the witches find you.
Siren: I want them to find me. Save me from having to sing for their husbands.
Demon: So eager for vengeance. Foolish girl. You barely got away the first time.
Siren: I wasn’t ready for them, this time I will be.
Demon: But how can you hope to fight such powerful witches?
Siren: They may be powerful but they are no different than any other woman when it comes to love.
[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Piper, Phoebe and Leo are there. Paige is in the foyer pacing up and down with the Book Of Shadows.]
Leo: I need to go after Melissa.
Phoebe: And what? Blow her up?
Leo: Damn it. (to Piper’s stomach) Give daddy his powers back now.
Phoebe: Don’t blame my niece. She magically swapped your powers because the two of you were not communicating.
Piper: We were communicating, we were just communicating loudly.
Phoebe: Well, think what you want, I think my niece is a genius. She did exactly what any good marriage counsellor would’ve done.
Leo: A good marriage counsellor would’ve swapped our powers?
Phoebe: No. She would’ve made you walk a mile in each other’s shoes.
(The broken glass on the door magically gets repaired.)
Phoebe: Nice job!
Piper: You did all that with abracadabra?
Paige: Nah, I used a spell. I just always wanted to say that. Come on, we need to go make the Siren’s potion before she starts singing again.
Leo: Uh, shouldn’t we concentrate on swapping our powers back?
Paige: Come on now, Leo, you know how that works. You two are only gonna get your powers back once you’ve learned your lessons.
Piper: Ugh, I hate that. It’s just so very after school special.
[Time lapse. Everyone’s in the kitchen. Phoebe and Paige are making the potion. Piper is standing there patting her head.]
Piper: Okay, uh, what’s with all the chatter in my head?
Leo: It’s probably one of my charges. Does anyone sound panicked?
Piper: How do you differentiate? Wait, do you hear these voices all the time?
Leo: Pretty much.
Phoebe: Okay, can we just focus on the Siren? Power swap or not, if she came after you once you’re still vulnerable.
Paige: Hey, you’re still married too, she might come after you.
Phoebe: Yeah, technically. Besides, if she’s stupid enough to go after Cole it’ll be her swan song.
(They hear knocking.)
Piper: Knocking, okay, I’m hearing knocking sounds.
Paige: Yeah, honey, we all are.
Cole: What? I knocked.
Piper: Doors, people use doors.
Cole: No time. I came to warn you there’s a Siren in town. I think she might be the one that…
Paige: Set the fire? Yeah, yeah, we got that.
(Leo burps and a fizzy bubble floats out of his mouth.)
Cole: Whoa, what was that?
Piper: Hey, how did you do that?
Leo: I don’t know but I’m feeling really nauseous.
Piper: Oh, god, and I’m not. Wait, how, why… Why does he have my pregnancy symptoms?
Cole: Wait, w-wait, you’re pregnant?
Piper: Well, I was but now I think Leo is.
Leo: No, no-no-no-no.
Paige: Relax, you guys. Leo blew the door up, he didn’t cover it in flowers, which mean clearly you’re still pregnant.
Piper: Mm. Then why…?
Phoebe: Because magic has a sick sense of humour. Just enjoy it.
Leo: Are your boobs always this sore?
Cole: I’m a little confused.
Phoebe: Cole, maybe you should leave.
Cole: Phoebe, the Siren is dangerous and since your powers are obviously a little off, maybe I could help.
Piper: Uh, that’s okay, we don’t need your help. We’ve got enough demons to deal with around here.
Cole: Fine. I’ll find her and vanquish her myself.
Phoebe: He’s trying so hard to be good, maybe…
Paige: Phoebe, we’ve been down this road before.
Piper: Panic! Somedbody’s panicking!
Leo: Who is it?
Piper: Uh, I don’t know, it’s close. I think it might be Melissa.
Paige: Is the Siren after her?
Piper: No, she seems more overwhelmed than scared.
Leo: Well, yeah, everything she’s been through. I have to go to her.
Phoebe: You’re not going anywhere. She’s going.
Piper: Me? Why?
Phoebe: Well, because you have Leo’s powers now. That means you’re the Whitelighter.
Piper: No-no-no, but that doesn’t mean I know what to do.
Phoebe: I think that’s the point. Walk a mile in each other’s shoes.
Piper: Ugh. Ahh!
(She holds her head.)
Leo: Alright, you have to hurry. Paige will show you how to orb.
Paige: Nah-uh, I have to stay here and make the potion.
Phoebe: I’ll do it.
Piper: Come on, come on, she’s giving me a migraine.
(She grabs Paige’s arm.)
(Paige orbs out with Piper. Phoebe puts some stuff in a pot.)
Phoebe: So you ready to kick some demon ass… sis?
[Cut to Melissa’s burnt apartment. Melissa’s there. Piper and Paige orb in.]
Paige: Okay, we’re here, now what?
Piper: I don’t know. I mean, she’s afraid of us, I don’t wanna make her more upset.
Paige: Well, let’s just cast a spell to help her deal with what she’s been through today.
Piper: Call me crazy but somehow I don’t think witchcraft is the solution here.
Paige: Well, I’m out of ideas.
Piper: Paige, there is another part of you. Your first father was half Whitelighter.
Paige: Yeah, he also has blue eyes, doesn’t mean that I do.
(They stand on something and Melissa spins around.)
Melissa: Who are you? Why won’t you leave me alone?
Piper: Melissa, we’re just trying to help you, and get you some clothes.
Melissa: Get away from me! Just leave me alone!
Piper: Whoa. Another charge is in trouble. Oh, big trouble. You go after her, I’ve gotta go.
Paige: What? No, you can’t expect me to… (Piper orbs out.) I’m not a Whitelighter, I’m a witch! Uh!
[Cut to an alley in France. Piper orbs in. A woman is hiding behind some boxes. A rooster is walking around. The woman sees Piper and runs over to her.]
Woman: (in French) Where is Leo?
Woman: (in French) Please, you have to help, they’re after me.
Piper: (in French) Calm down, I’ll protect you. (in English) Whoa, was that French?
Woman: (in French) They’re coming!
(Two men with guns run around the corner.)
Piper: Let’s go!
(The men shoot.)
[Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Leo blows up the glass on the kitchen cupboard.]
Phoebe: Nice shot.
Leo: I was aiming for the plant. These powers are useless, they’re completely out of control.
Phoebe: Well, that’s because you’re a little out of control. You just need to relax.
Leo: Relax? I’m sore all over, I’m without my powers, and I’m about to have to fight a demon. My own aftershave is making me sick. How’s Piper do this?
Phoebe: Well, she too sometimes gets a little cranky.
Leo: The Elders are gonna kill me if anything happens to my charges, they’re gonna clip my wings and… (He hiccups a fizzy bubble.) Oh, this is ridiculous. Piper! Piper! Why do they call it morning sickness if it lasts all day?
(Piper orbs in holding the rooster.)
Phoebe: (laughs) What the hell? A rooster?
Piper: Long story. (She puts the rooster down.) Since when do you speak French?
Leo: Whitelighters speak whatever language their charges are speaking in.
Piper: Uh-huh. We’ve been together four years and I don’t know this?
Phoebe: Hey, where’s Paige? Because this potion’s almost ready.
Piper: She is with Melissa, and she’s not real happy about it either. Whoa, I gotta go, somebody’s calling.
Leo: Okay, Piper, wait. I need help with your powers… and with your nausea.
Piper: Uh, well, honey, I’m sorry but somebody’s really in trouble.
(She starts to orb out.)
Leo: But I’m really in trouble.
Piper: Try saltines.
(She orbs out completely.)
Phoebe: Okay, (she walks over to Leo) here are your crackers, here’s a pad and a pen, we need a summoning spell.
Leo: Now I’m supposed to rhyme?
Phoebe: Yeah, no rest for the whiney. The potion won’t work on the Siren unless we can find her. Do it.
[Scene: The Siren’s place. Cole is there. He pushes the demon up against the wall.]
Cole: Where is the Siren?
(He grabs the demon around his throat. Cole hears the Siren’s singing. He lets the demon go.)
Demon: I’m sure you two will want to be alone.
(The demon disappears. Cole walks over to the Siren. She strokes his hair and he leans in for a kiss.)
Siren: Uh-uh. Patience. Right now I need to sing for your witch.
(She starts humming a song.)
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe is sitting on the floor.]
Phoebe: Hey, let’s here the spell, Leo, we’ve got a Siren to vanquish.
(Leo walks in and sits down.)
Leo: “O singing lady of the dusk, who preys on men turns love to lust, we hearken ye…”
Phoebe: We hearken ye? What, are we trying to summon a leprechaun here?
Leo: I told you I wasn’t very good at this.
Phoebe: Give me that. (She takes the spell.) It’s okay, honey, we’ll just rewrite that last line.
(Paige orbs in.)
Paige: What’s going on? Is it all over?
Piper: No, you’re just in time. We have a potion, we have a barricade, we almost have a summoning spell.
Paige: Okay, let’s get to it.
Leo: Wait, where’s Melissa?
Paige: Melissa… Well, she got herself arrested. I know, I know, I was trying to talk to her and then I was running after and she just kept running and then she ran into the middle of the street and she caused a big giant traffic accident.
Paige: Well, you know, she’ll be safe now… in jail.
Leo: Paige, you were supposed to be taking care of her. Look, don’t you get it? This could be the final straw. The beginning of a downward spiral from which she may never recover. (Phoebe and Paige watch him in awe.) I’m sorry. (He walks into the living room and sits on the couch. He picks up a pillow and hugs it. Phoebe and Paige walk in.) I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Paige: Dude, it’s the crying thing.
Phoebe: It’s the hormones.
Leo: Really? I just thought that was an excuse.
Phoebe: Welcome to our world.
(Piper orbs in.)
Piper: What happened to Melissa?
Paige: Ooh, word travels fast.
Piper: I feel like she’s in trouble but I’m getting so many damn signals, I can’t find her. (Phoebe hears the Siren’s song.) Wasn’t she supposed to be the one charge I didn’t have to worry about?
Paige: I’m sorry, Piper, I tried.
Piper: Yeah, well, while you were trying I evaded assassins, I prevented two crimes of passion in Portuguese no less, and delivered a baby. I think the least that I could ask for in return is a little help from my family.
Paige: Well, I told you I wasn’t any good at this Whitelighter thing.
Leo: But it’s in you, it’s half of who you are.
Paige: Obviously the latent half.
Piper: No, Paige, it’s the half that made you become a social worker in the first place. But it’s like when you quit your job you quit half your personality.
Paige: But my job is being a full time witch and I intend to be good at it and I don’t think there’s a problem with me concentrating on magic.
Leo: Well, there is when you’re in such a hurry to get back here for a vanquish that you leave an innocent alone and in pain.
Piper: Paige, it’s our compassion not our powers that separates us from the bad guys. It’s the part of you you can never afford to lose. And it’s that part of you that Melissa needs now.
Paige: I guess I’d better get back to her.
(Paige orbs out.)
Leo: You know, you’re a pretty good Whitelighter.
Piper: Well, I learn from the best.
[Scene: A police station. A room. Melissa is there. Paige walks in and sits down.]
Melissa: How’d you get them to let you in here?
Paige: I have a friend who’s a police officer and he knows I’m not here to hurt you. Look, I know you don’t know me and after everything you’ve been through today, I know you have no reason to trust me.
Melissa: Who are you? What are you? What do you want from me?
Paige: My name is Paige Matthews and I’m a witch and a sort of part guardian angel. I know it’s a lot to process and really hard to believe but I really do just want to help you.
Melissa: I feel like I’m going crazy.
Paige: Yeah, I think after what you’ve been through today anybody would. My friend, he’s working on getting you out of here.
Melissa: I don’t care. I don’t care if I ever get outta here.
Paige: Melissa, I’m so sorry about your husband.
Melissa: I just can’t believe that he’s gone.
[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Leo’s there. Piper comes down the stairs.]
Leo: Phoebe’s not anywhere.
Piper: What if Phoebe underestimated the Siren? What if the Siren has Phoebe and Cole?
Leo: Can you sense her?
Piper: I’ve been trying but there’s all this chaos in my brain. I keep hearing voices and there’s all this pain and I can’t isolate anything.
Leo: I know it’s hard but you have to try. Breathe. Concentrate.
Piper: Screw that. Let’s just cut to the chase.
(They orb out.)
[Cut to Cole’s apartment. Piper and Leo orb in.]
Leo: Cole’s place? Did you sense her here?
Piper: No, I just decided to rely on some good old fashion common sense. Phoebe?
Leo: Okay, well, that’s not working and we can’t orb all over town trying to find her, you have to sense her.
Piper: Well, I can’t.
Leo: Piper, you have to.
[Cut to the Siren’s place. Cole and the Siren are there on the bed. The Siren is humming a song.]
Siren: Oh, she’s almost here. It’s too bad. I was actually having fun with you.
(Phoebe walks in. The Siren kisses Cole and smoke rises from their mouths. Cole falls back unconscious.)
Siren: He was cute. But this is still my favourite part. (She uses her power and slams Phoebe against a wall.) Nobody hurts me and gets away with it, you little witch.
Phoebe: Wanna bet?
(Phoebe throws the potion at the Siren but it disintegrates in midair. The Siren turns to Cole, who’s sitting on the bed.)
Siren: You’re alive. That’s not possible.
Phoebe: Cole, that was the vanquishing potion.
Cole: I know. (He walks over to the Siren.) I want her for myself.
(She starts to smoke out but he grabs her.)
Phoebe: Do me a favour, make it hurt.
(Cole kisses the Siren.)
[Scene: Cole’s apartment. Piper and Leo are there. Piper’s sitting on the couch with her eyes closed.]
Leo: Piper, you have to focus. Take a deep breath and imagine white lights flowing around you, flowing through you.
Piper: If I breathe anymore I’m gonna pass out.
Leo: Damn it, Piper. I hear those voices, I feel that pain all the time. How do you think I do it? How do you think I separate myself?
Piper: I don’t know.
Leo: By coming home to you. I’ve been walking around in your life all day and I honestly don’t know how you handle it. The way I handle mine is by coming home to you. It’s your love that keeps me whole and sane and balanced, and I need you to allow me to do the same thing for you right now. So look into my eyes, breathe.
Phoebe’s Voice: Piper?
Piper: Oh god. Phoebe.
[Cut to the Siren’s place. Cole grabs Phoebe by the neck and holds her down.]
Phoebe: Cole, get off of me. Leo! Piper!
Siren: I think he’ll come in handy with your sisters.
(Piper and Leo orb in.)
Piper: Leo, it’s all you. (Leo tries to blow up the Siren but blows up a vase instead. It knocks the Siren backwards. Piper races over and tries to get Cole off Phoebe. He knocks her across the room.) Leo, come on now, focus. (Piper jumps on Cole’s back. Leo tries to blow up the Siren but misses.) Hurry! (Phoebe falls unconscious. Leo blows up the Siren. Piper gets off Cole and Cole lets go of Phoebe. He moves away.) Phoebe, wake up. Come on, come on, wake up. Phoebe.
Cole: Oh, no.
Leo: Heal her.
Leo: You can do it.
(Piper holds her hands above Phoebe and heals her. Phoebe wakes up.)
Piper: Hey, how you doing?
(Phoebe sits up and looks at Cole.)
Cole: Phoebe… I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Leo are there watching the rooster.]
Piper: I’m a nag.
Leo: No, you’re not.
Piper: Yeah, I am and that’s why we don’t have our powers back yet because I’m a nag and I never learn.
Leo: Piper, I am the reason why we don’t have our powers back. I’ve been an insensitive lout and I clearly haven’t gotten…
Piper: Leo, your work is very important.
(The white lights appear behind Piper and Leo. Paige walks in.)
Leo: Not more important than my family.
Paige: Uh, guys?
Leo: I mean, you’re pregnant and you need me and I should’ve understood that instead of…
Piper: But I could’ve been a little more patient.
(The white lights hit Piper and Leo and knock them to the floor.)
Paige: I just thought you might wanna take cover.
(They stand up.)
Leo: I’m not nauseous.
Piper: Hey, I am! Wait, that’s not good news.
Leo: What about your powers?
(She throws a bagel and blows it up.)
Piper: Very nice.
Paige: No more floral arrangements.
Piper: Yeah, I guess I got in touch with my inner Whitelighter.
Paige: Yeah, helping Melissa helped me too. It’s good to know I have it in me.
(She leaves the kitchen. Piper and Leo smile at each other.)
Piper: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? (Translated to: Want to sleep with me?)
Leo: Ooh, mais oui. (Translated to: But yes.)
(Piper giggles and they leave the kitchen.)
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe’s office. Phoebe’s there flipping through her mail. There’s a knock at the door and Cole walks in.]
Phoebe: Hey, look who’s back to using doors.
Cole: Yeah, I’m trying to, uh, limit my use of powers.
Phoebe: Probably a wise decision.
Cole: So, uh, did you get my flowers?
Phoebe: Yep. Sorry I tried to strangle you? Probably not a card that the florist gets to write every day, huh?
Cole: I didn’t…
Phoebe: I know. I know you’re sorry, I know you were under the Siren’s spell.
Cole: You do know her magic feeds on love.
Cole: She couldn’t have lured us if we didn’t love each other.
Phoebe: Right. So once again our love was nearly fatal.
Cole: I never would’ve hurt you if I wasn’t under her spell.
Phoebe: Most men don’t try to kill their wives when they’re under the Siren’s spell. Most men just kiss and die. But because you’re a demon…
Cole: I’m not…
Phoebe: Okay, well, because you have demonic powers and a lot of them, you became a bigger threat than the Siren. And that’s only one way out of a thousand that your powers can turn against me.
Cole: I guess I didn’t want you to be right.
Phoebe: Neither did I.