Written by: Doug E. Jones & Andy Reaser
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick
Season 6, Episode 18
Episode Number: 129
[Scene: P3. It’s dark. Chris is sitting at the bar reading his future with tarot cards. He flips over the judgment card and sighs. The lights turn on in the room and a guy walks down the stairs.]
Chris: Dennis, what are you doing here?
Dennis: I work here, remember?
Chris: No, I know, I mean, what are you doing here so early?
Dennis: Piper called. Wanted me to set up for the band.
Chris: Piper called? From where, the doctors?
Dennis: I don’t know, maybe. Is something wrong? Is she okay?
Chris: Yeah, it’s just a regular check up for the baby, I’m sure everything’s fine.
Dennis: You mind if I ask you a question?
Dennis: You know Piper pretty well, don’t you? I mean, you guys seem close.
Chris: Yeah, real close.
Dennis: What’s the deal with the ex of hers, Leo? Dude gets her pregnant, right? Then what, just skips town on her? I mean, what’s up with that?
Chris: It’s a long story.
Dennis: As far as I’m concerned, she deserves a hell of a lot better.
Chris: Couldn’t agree with you more.
[Scene: Doctors Surgery. Hallway. Piper and Paige are standing by the elevator doors with about five people frozen behind them.]
Paige: Are you hormonal or just plain crazy?
Piper: One woman can only take so much.
Paige: Okay, if these people walk out of their offices, what do you think they’re gonna see?
Piper: Well, I think they won’t be touching my stomach anymore, that’s what I think.
Paige: Piper, that is not a good enough reason to freeze people.
Piper: I think it is.
(The elevator doors open. Piper unfreezes the people and walks in it. A lady that was standing behind Piper stumbles forward. Paige catches her.)
Paige: It’s okay, it’s okay, we all just get a little vertigo sometimes. (Paige gets in the elevator with Piper.) No wonder Chris grows up to be such a neurotic little freak. (The elevator doors close.) So you excited?
Piper: About what?
Paige: About what the doctor said. That it’s gonna be a healthy baby.
Piper: Well, I know he’s healthy. I’ve seen him twenty-two and walking around.
Paige: Well, you never know, something could happen.
Piper: Oh, don’t be such a worry wart. Now you’re starting to sound like…
(Chris orbs in.)
Paige: Okay, if this is about demons, I don’t wanna hear it, ’cause I am on my lunch break.
Chris: No, no, no, I just wanted to know how it went with the doctor.
Piper: Well, you’ll be happy to know that you’re a boy.
(Piper holds up an ultrasound picture.)
Chris: That’s not what I meant.
Paige: I don’t see it.
Piper: Oh, see, it’s this little thing right here.
Chris: Whoa! (He snatches the picture off her.) Excuse me. Do you mind?
[Cut to the car park. The elevator doors open and Piper, Paige and Chris walk out.]
Piper: Why are you so edgy, anyway? Relax.
Chris: Well, it’s not me in there I was thinking about, it’s you. I’m just making sure you’re okay.
Paige: See, that’s where I’d ask for money to go to the movies.
Chris: Very funny. Actually, in the future, you’re the one I go to for money.
Paige: Ooh, why, am I rich?
Chris: I can’t tell you that.
Piper: What about me? I’m your mother. Why didn’t you come to me for money?
Chris: Because I don’t want to bother you, you’ll have too much to deal with.
Paige: What about your dad?
Chris: Uh, Leo’s not much of a factor.
Paige: What does that mean?
Chris: I’d rather not talk about it.
Piper: Future consequences?
Chris: More like future issues.
Paige: Ooh, father-son problems.
Chris: I have an idea, let’s change the subject.
Paige: To what? (A woman drops in front of them from the roof and Chris pulls Piper out of the way. The woman scratches Chris’s neck.) Extinguisher! (The fire extinguisher flies towards the woman and she jumps over it. Piper tries to blow her up but she turns into a spider and runs away. Chris helps Piper up.) You guys okay?
(Chris touches his neck.)
Chris: I don’t know. Am I? (They look at three scratches on his neck.) Am I?
Piper: I don’t know.
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Paige and Chris are there. Piper is dabbing Chris’s wound with a cloth. Paige is looking through the Book of Shadows.]
Chris: So I’m okay, right? I mean, mini me in there?
Piper: Well, if he wasn’t, I think you’d be the first to know. Now, sit still.
Chris: Well, then why were you so worried back there?
Piper: I wasn’t worried. Alright, I was a little worried about the force field.
Chris: What force field?
Paige: The one she had when she was pregnant with Wyatt.
Chris: Wait, you had a force field with Wyatt but not with me?
Piper: Well, I didn’t have one, he had one. It was all his doing.
Chris: From the womb? He had powers from the womb? That’s unbelievable! It’s not like I don’t have an inferiority complex with him already. Thank you.
Piper: (to Paige) Did you find that demon yet?
Paige: Yes, actually, I did. It’s the Spider Demon. An evil creature that emerges from its hidden lair every hundred years, to capture and feed off the most powerful and magical demon it can detect. In this case that would be you.
Chris: And me. Sorta.
Piper: You must be so proud.
Paige: It’s kinda creepy how she knew to lay a trap for you. Obviously she didn’t count on us being there.
Piper: Well, at least there’s a vanquishing potion here. Okay, what do you say we make this eight-legged freak wish it’d never been hatched.
Chris: Whoa, hold it. You are not going anywhere, mum, this is way too risky.
Paige: He’s actually right. Without the Wyatt force field thing.
Chris: Okay, do you have to keep rubbing that in?
Paige: Aren’t there any therapists in the future?
Chris: We need Phoebe.
Piper: No, I don’t want to interrupt her date with Mark.
Paige: Actually, it’s Mike this week.
Chris: No, it’s Mitch. But who cares, we need her.
Paige: Ever since she had that vision thing in magic school, you know, the one about a demon-free life, and her being with child, she’s kind of been on that whole future thing.
Piper: And she wishes to accomplish that by speed dating?
Paige: I don’t know.
Chris: So does that book say anything about that spider being poisonous?
[Scene: A Cave. It is covered with spider webs. The Spider Demon walks over to a body wrapped in spider webs.
Spider Demon: Miss me?
Man: I was hoping that you would let me die in peace.
Spider Demon: I’m sorry. I was raised to never leave any food on my plate.
Man: Please, have mercy.
Spider Demon: Oh, don’t worry. There’s not much of you left to dine on, anyway.
Man: My misery will soon be over but I suspect yours is just beginning.
Spider Demon: Oh, how so?
Man: You’ve come back empty handed. You will starve.
Spider Demon: Hardly. I’ve already found my next meal. A powerful witch, a Charmed One.
Man: A Charmed One? I’ve heard of their coming.
Spider Demon: Really? Must be more powerful than I thought. Hope my eyes aren’t too big for my stomach.
Man: You will never trap one.
Spider Demon: But I already have. I have infected her Whitelighter. Soon he’ll be my ally. As for you, my little wizard, it’s been a pleasure.
(She digs her finger nails into the wizard’s sides and sucks in all his powers. The wizard turns into a skeleton.)
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper, Paige and Chris are there. Piper is dabbing Chris’s wound.]
Chris: Gentle, please.
Piper: Oh, quit your complaining, I’m almost done. Paige, could you call the club for me and tell them I’m gonna be a little bit late?
Chris: No, I thought we already discussed this. You’re not going anywhere without a force field.
Piper: Why? Because it’s so much safer here? I have to go to work, I booked a band tonight.
Chris: Let Paige cover for you.
Paige: No, I can’t, I have to go back to my temp job. I’m already late.
Chris: Blow it off. This is more important.
Paige: My temp jobs are important. It’s how people who need help find me.
Chris: Okay, I get that, I do, but right now your sister needs your help, okay?
Paige: Why don’t we just call Leo?
Chris: No, no.
Paige: Why not? He can help us. Besides, Piper’s in danger, which means the baby’s in danger, which means you are in danger.
Chris: Because we don’t need him.
Piper: Yeah, he’s right, I don’t want to open up that can of worms.
Paige: He doesn’t even know you’re pregnant.
Piper: This is my point exactly.
Paige: Look, I’m not suggesting some sort of reunion…
Chris: He has been gone for six months. If he’s not there for us in the future, why is he there for us now?
(Piper sits down on the chair.)
Paige: Hey, are you okay?
Piper: Yeah, I just need to sit down for a minute.
Paige: Okay, well, I’ll go deal with the club, you work on the vanquishing potion and call Phoebe and I when it’s done.
Chris: I’ll clean up.
(Chris closes the first aid kit and his hand sticks to box.)
[Scene: Cafe Le Blue. Phoebe walks up to the host.]
Phoebe: Hi, I’m supposed to be meeting someone. (He points to a guy sitting at a table.) Thanks. (Phoebe walks up to the guy.) I’m so sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Guy: It’s okay.
(He stands up and helps her sit down.)
Phoebe: Thanks. Last time I ride BART for a while. The train, not the guy.
Guy: Right, right. Well, you look, you look amazing, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh, that’s very sweet, Mike, thanks.
Phoebe: Mitch! Mitch, right, of course. I’m sorry, I knew that, you know, it’s just, I think I’m a little nervous.
Mitch: You’re nervous? It’s hard to believe.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, we both have a lot at stake here, don’t you think?
Mitch: Yeah, yeah, I guess we do.
Phoebe: You know, we don’t want to waste any time, I think we’re both over the serial dating thing, the loveless sex thing.
Mitch: We are?
Phoebe: Don’t you just want a family? Kids?
Mitch: I don’t know, I-I haven’t really thought about it to be honest.
(Phoebe touches his hand and concentrates.)
Phoebe: Yeah, nothing. (She stands up.) Alright, so it’s great seeing you, you take care.
Mitch: But, Phoebe…
(Phoebe turns around and Chris is standing there.)
Phoebe: Chris, hey. Oh my god, you’re sweating. What happened to your neck?
Chris: Uh, Piper was attacked by a demon. She’s okay though. We need you back at the house to help with the vanquishing potion.
Phoebe: Okay. Take care, Mark.
(Phoebe walks away. A fly buzzes around Chris and he catches it in his hand.)
Phoebe: Chris, are you coming or what?
[Scene: P3. Paige and Jeremy are there. Paige’s phone rings and she answers it.]
Voice: You didn’t show up today.
Paige: Hi, yeah, I meant to call, I really did, I just got a little hung up at, um, at work.
Voice: What do you mean you were at work? Don’t you care about these temp jobs?
Paige: Yes, of course, the temp jobs are important to me…
(A very tall leprechaun walks up to Paige.)
Leprechaun: Excuse me, Miss Matthews? I hate to bother you, love, but…
Paige: Now’s not a good time, okay?
Leprechaun: Huh, you’re telling me. I’m supposed to be a leprechaun.
Paige: Okay, pal, the bar’s not open yet. Why don’t you try down the street.
Leprechaun: You don’t understand. The wicked witch of the enchanted forest put a dastardly curse on me. I know you helped Shamus.
Paige: Um, let me call you back. (She hangs up.) You knew Shamus?
Leprechaun: He was me brother. Of course, all leprechauns are, but the point is we were close.
Paige: Give me a second. (She turns to Jeremy.) Uh, Jeremy, could you check on the beer in the back?
Jeremy: No worries.
(Jeremy goes out the back.)
Paige: Okay, uh, how did you find me?
Leprechaun: I didn’t for sure. I was told to find you at your temp jobs but you don’t seem to be there anymore.
Paige: Tell me about it.
Leprechaun: And I didn’t want to bother you at home.
Paige: Thank you, I appreciate that. Okay, what did this wicked witch do to you?
Leprechaun: Uh, isn’t it obvious? She made me tall!
Paige: Oh, that’s the problem.
Leprechaun: Oh, it’s just not who I am, love. Am more importantly, it’s taken away my power to dole out luck too. Is there anyway you can turn me back? Please.
Paige: Okay, uh, I’m sure I can improvise something. “You who found me in this bar, turn back to who you really are.”
(The leprechaun shrinks to his original size. He chuckles.)
Leprechaun: Oh, god bless you, Paige. The name is Riley and I am forever in your debt.
Paige: Great, you’re welcome, but if you don’t mind, you probably should get out of here.
Riley: Not before I leave you with a token of my appreciation. (He hands her his shillelagh.) I hope you get that wicked witch.
Paige: I’ll try.
(Riley whizzes off. Jeremy walks back into the room.)
[Scene: Manor. Dining room. There are a potions on the table. Chris is there. Phoebe walks in from the kitchen.]
Phoebe: Okay, let’s do this. I have a future to get back to.
Chris: Who doesn’t. You blessed this?
Phoebe: Yes, I blessed it, I sang to it. What’s the matter with you? (Chris sits on the stairs. Piper comes down the stairs.) Are you okay?
Chris: Yeah, I think I’m just coming down with something.
Piper: What do you mean? From the attack?
Chris: Now who’s the worry wart. Look, we still need Paige to bless this. Did you call her?
Piper: Yeah, she’s on her way. She was helping me out at the club.
Phoebe: Who’s watching Wyatt?
Piper: Uh, Sheila. He should be safe there until after this is over.
(A spider crawls in from an open window.)
Phoebe: Okay, well, we gotta get a move on here. Because I need to find my husband, like, yesterday. Seriously. What? I did the math. It’s gonna take me like a year to fall in love, and there’s the whole engagement and the wedding, and then the year of wedded bliss. (Chris notices the spider.) And then I have to wait a year to find out if I really want to have his kid, you know, and the pregnancy’s, like, nine months. Well, ten months, they just tell you it’s nine months. So clearly, let’s move on here. I’m sorry, what’s so funny?
Piper: This whole family needs a shrink.
(Paige orbs in holding the shillelagh.)
Phoebe: Hey. Where’d you get that?
Paige: Don’t ask.
Chris: You need to bless this vanquishing potion.
Paige: Wow. Hello to you too.
Chris: Hey, the book says for all three of you to bless it. Phoebe will help you. Piper, can I talk to you, please?
Piper: Piper? What happened to mum?
Paige: How exactly do I bless this thing?
Phoebe: With your blood. Come on. (Phoebe and Paige walk in the dining room.) This’ll just hurt a little.
(Paige pulls a face.)
[Cut to the conservatory. Piper and Chris walk in.]
Piper: What is it? What’s the matter? Chris, your eyes are dilated.
Chris: Are they?
(The spider turns into the spider demon. Web flies out of her hands and wraps Piper up in it. She gets stuck to the wall covered from head to toe in a spider web cocoon. Phoebe and Paige walk in.)
Phoebe: Okay, we got it. She didn’t even… (She sees the spider demon.) Faint.
(Paige throws a potion towards the spider demon and Chris catches it.)
Paige: What are you doing?
(Chris knocks Paige to the floor and then attacks Phoebe. Phoebe fights back and he drops the potion. The potion rolls over to Paige. Phoebe kicks Chris in the head and knocks him to the floor. Paige throws the potion at the spider demon, missing. She turns back into a spider and crawls away.)
Phoebe: Get it! Get it! (The spider crawls out the window.) Piper.
(They turn around and see Piper wrapped in a cocoon against the wall.)
Paige: Oh, no.
[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Paige is there. She walks up to Piper and touches her. The web zaps her and Paige is knocked backwards.]
Paige: Well, there’s a force field that works.
(Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Alright, I locked Chris in the basement. What are you doing on the floor?
(Phoebe helps her up.)
Paige: Well, not having a lot of luck, that’s why I’m on the floor. I’ve tried orbs, knives, spells. Nada.
Phoebe: God, I hope Piper’s okay in there.
Phoebe: So do you think we should ask Chris for help?
Paige: Yeah, let’s get the mutant who put her in there in the first place to help.
Phoebe: Missy, that is our nephew, he needs help too.
Paige: Okay, fine. How should we help? Uh, how about Leo?
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Piper will kill us.
Paige: Well, she can kill us after she’s saved.
Phoebe: Paige, Piper doesn’t want Leo to know that Chris is his son, okay? So I don’t think I can keep that secret.
Paige: Try. Leo!
(Leo orbs in wearing a gold robe.)
Leo: Phoebe, Paige, how are you?
Phoebe: Not so good, we have a problem.
Leo: Perhaps we should meditate.
Paige: No, I don’t want to meditate. Piper, right there.
(Leo turns around and sees Piper wrapped up in the spider web.)
Leo: Ah, the Spider Demon. She cocoons her victims before feeding on them.
Paige: Great, well, can you get her out of there?
Leo: Uh, well, the only way to get her out of there is to vanquish the Spider Demon. But it’s okay, the cocoon is meant for preservation, so she’s safe for now.
Phoebe: Good, that means Chris is too.
Leo: Chris? He’s in there too?
Paige: No, he’s not in there, Leo, he’s in the basement.
Phoebe: Yeah, he was acting a little crazy so I locked him in the basement.
Paige: Yeah, after the Spider Demon infected him, he got a little crazy, went after…
Leo: I’ll talk to him.
(Leo heads for the basement.)
Paige: Ay, be careful. Good thinking.
Phoebe: I’m telling you, he has a right to know.
Paige: No, he doesn’t.
[Cut to the basement. It’s dark. Leo walks down the stairs.]
Leo: Chris? Chris? Chris, I’d like to talk to you, it’s Leo. (Chris walks out of the shadows.) Chris.
(Spider webs shoot out of Chris’s hand and Leo orbs out before the webs hit him.)
[Cut to the kitchen. Leo orbs in and quickly closes the door. Phoebe and Paige run in.]
Paige: What happened?
Leo: He attacked me.
Paige: I tried to warn you.
Phoebe: He’s got issues.
Paige: Yeah, from being infected.
Phoebe: No, I think his issues precede that, don’t you, Paige?
Leo: Something you’re not telling me?
Phoebe: Look, he’s gonna find out sooner or later and I’m gonna bust.
Leo: Find out what?
Phoebe: If he’s gonna help us, we’re gonna have to tell him.
Paige: It’s Piper’s business.
Leo: Tell me what?
(Phoebe tries to hold it in but can’t.)
Phoebe: Chris is your son. Don’t we all feel better? I know I feel so much better.
(Leo sits down, speechless.)
Phoebe: Uh, spirit realm, six months ago, you and Piper… Leo, she’s pregnant.
Leo: Why didn’t she tell me?
Phoebe: Well, honestly, I think she knows how hard it was for you to leave one son behind. She didn’t want to make it any harder.
(Paige’s phone rings.)
Paige: Great. Excuse me.
(Paige leaves the room.)
Leo: Why is he so mad at me?
Phoebe: I don’t know, sweetie. He’s real tight lipped about the future. It’s a lot for you, huh? Well, uh, you gotta try to pull it together because we need you. Your family needs you.
Leo: Right. You’re right.
Phoebe: That’s the spirit.
Leo: Well, uh, if I remember correctly, the Spider Demon’s last victim was a wizard. So maybe I should go to magic school and see if there’s something there that I can use to scry for him.
Phoebe: Okay, and what about Chris?
Leo: Check the Book of Shadows, I think there’s an antidote.
Phoebe: Okay. Welcome home.
(Leo orbs out. Paige walks in.)
Paige: Hey, will you watch Piper? I have to go back to the club.
Phoebe: Wait, now?
Paige: Yeah, the wicked witch has struck again.
(Paige orbs out.)
[Scene: Manor. Basement. Chris is sitting on the floor, groaning.]
Spider Demon’s Voice: Chris. Chris. Come to me, Chris. (Chris stands up.) That’s right. Over here. Come closer. (Chris walks over to an archway and spins a web in the corner of it. An image of the Spider Demon appears in the web.) You are learning quickly.
Chris: What did you do to me?
Spider Demon: I think you know. Now bring me the cocoon.
(Chris groans in pain and falls to his knees.)
Spider Demon: You can’t resist it, what’s happening to you. Don’t fight it, embrace your new powers. Use them.
Chris: I don’t understand.
Spider Demon: You will, my sweet. All in good time. (She chuckles.) All in good time.
(Chris stands up and pulls down the spider web.)
[Scene: P3. Paige, Jeremy and a man wearing a green dress is there. Jeremy is unconscious on the floor.]
Paige: Who did this? The wicked witch?
Man: Uh, no, actually, that was me.
Paige: You? Why?
Man: I couldn’t let him open the club, let all those people in here. Not until you turn me back into a wood nymph.
Paige: Okay, well, who’s to say that there’s not more coming after you? I can not keep the club closed all night. Piper will kill me.
Man: Cry me a river, sister. (A man and a woman walk down the stairs.) We have lives too, you know. Without me, nature falls out of harmony. Flowers wilt, trees wither, streams dry up. It ain’t pretty. And this guy…
Man #2: Hi.
Man: He’s an ogre. A giant, terrifying ogre. Now tell me, does he look imposing to you in the least?
Paige: No, not so much.
Woman: And me, I’m supposed to be a fairy.
Guy: You see the problem.
Man: Witches curses spread like wild fire. Pretty soon there won’t be any of us magic folks left.
Paige: No offence, but you don’t sound like any of the wood nymphs I’ve ever met.
Man: It’s the curse, I’m telling you, the curse!
Paige: Alright, alright.
(Paige picks up a pen and a notepad off the bar.)
Man: Paper and pen? You’ve got to be kidding. What, are you gonna right the wicked witch a letter?
Paige: Hey, I don’t tell you how to save the forest. No, I don’t. Okay, tell me everything you know about the wicked witch so we can get rid of her once and for all.
[Cut to a cave. The wicked witch is there cackling while stirring a cauldron. She stops.]
Wicked Witch: Uh-oh.
(The wicked witch disappears in a puff of smoke.)
[Cut to P3. The people turn back into their proper creature selves.]
Paige: Ding dong.
Nymph: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Ogre: We owe you, Paige.
Paige: Yeah, great. Now, why don’t you guys get out of here because I know a witch who’s gonna really put a curse on me unless…
[Scene: Magic School. Great Hall. Leo and Sigmond are there looking through books.]
Sigmond: What about this one, sir? “The wizard wrath metre.” He created over five hundred spells and potions before mysteriously disappearing in 1904.
Leo: Sounds like the right year. Any chance you have this wand here?
Sigmond: It should be in the collection.
(Leo and Sigmond turn around to find Gideon standing behind them.)
Gideon: Would you excuse us please, Sigmond?
Sigmond: Of course.
Leo: Not now.
Gideon: Leo, this is a serious matter, and one that we have been over countless times. You abandoned the other Elders without so much as a warning.
Leo: Yeah, well, something came up.
Gideon: You can’t just pop on down whenever you feel the need arise. You’re not just putting yourself at risk, you’re putting all Elders at risk too.
Leo: I’m trying to save my son.
Gideon: Wyatt? Has something happened to him?
Leo: No, not Wyatt, to Chris. I know, I just found out myself, I don’t have time to explain. If I don’t find the demon who hurt him, I may not be able to figure out why he hates me so much.
Gideon: Hates you?
(Leo gets the wand out of the cabinet.)
Leo: Got it. Listen, I dropped Wyatt off in the nursery just to be on the safe side. I hope that’s alright.
Gideon: Of course.
(Leo orbs out. Sigmond walks in.)
Sigmond: Chris is his son too?
Gideon: Apparently. Actually, come to think of it, that does explain why he came all the way from the future to save Wyatt.
Sigmond: Save him from us you mean.
Gideon: If he knew he wouldn’t still be searching. When the time is right, Wyatt will be sacrificed and the greater good will be served.
[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Phoebe and Paige are there making a potion.]
Paige: You need anything else?
Phoebe: No, sweetie. I just hope I’m not too late.
(Leo orbs in.)
Leo: I stopped off in the attic on the way back.
Phoebe: I gotta tell you, Leo, whatever Chris has against you in the future, it can’t be your lack of determination.
(A spider crawls out of the vent and runs along the floor.)
Leo: Still, you might not be in this mess if I hadn’t been gone so long.
Paige: Well, you have to do what you have to do.
Phoebe: My god, Leo, can’t you think of anything but yourself?
Phoebe: Yeah, that was kind of weird.
Phoebe: You totally bailed on us.
Paige: What the hell?
Phoebe: Okay, I think maybe I’m channelling Chris’s anger?
Leo: But he’s in the basement. Can you empath from so far away?
Phoebe: I don’t know, maybe my powers are expanding.
Paige: Or he’s closer than we think.
(The spider crawls into the parlor and turns into Chris. Phoebe and Paige run in.)
(Spider webs shoot out of Chris’s hands and hits Phoebe, sticking her to the wall by her wrists. Paige throws a potion at Chris and he covers it in spider webs. He then sticks Paige to the wall also by the wrists. Leo runs in.)
Leo: Chris, stop, this isn’t you.
Chris: Wanna bet?
(Chris pushes Leo against the wall.)
Phoebe: Chris, don’t.
Paige: He’s your father. (Chris throws him up the stairs and sticks him to the wall with spider webs. He walks over to Piper and orbs out with her.) Bug spray, we should have used bug spray.
[Scene: Manor. Stairs. Phoebe, Paige and Leo are still stuck to the wall.]
Phoebe: Okay, I can’t break free. Can you orb?
Paige: No, I tried.
Leo: Damn it.
Paige: Are Elders even allowed to swear?
Leo: No, but fathers are. Especially ones whose kid tries to kill him.
Phoebe: Well, technically you can’t die.
Leo: It’s not the point.
Paige: Well, it wasn’t Chris, Leo, it was a demon.
Leo: No, some of it was Chris, I saw it in his eyes.
Phoebe: I think he’s right. I think that’s why he can still orb. He can be saved.
Paige: Yeah, well, can we?
(Phoebe sees the shillelagh near by.)
Phoebe: Maybe with a little luck.
(The shillelagh orbs and taps on the floor three times. A rainbow appears and so does Riley.)
Riley: Somebody called.
Paige: Hey, over here.
Riley: Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.
Paige: Yeah, thanks a lot. Can you just get us down from here, please?
Riley: I can try, but as you know, luck can go either way. Good or bad. Take your chances.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, we’ll take our chances.
Riley: Very well. Slainte is tainte! (Paige falls from the wall and lands on a table, smashing it. Riley chuckles.) I tried to warn you, love.
[Scene: Spider Demon’s cave. The spider demon, Chris and the Piper cocoon are there.]
Spider Demon: I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me.
Chris: Thanks to you for showing me how. Now what?
Spider Demon: You’ve been ever so helpful. But if you don’t mind, I prefer to dine alone. (The spider demon digs her fingernails into Piper’s sides and starts draining her powers. Chris falls to the ground in pain.) So divine.
Chris: What’s happening?
Spider Demon: I gather you weren’t counting on this. It’s not just her magic I’m feeding on, it’s her baby’s too. Yours.
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe and Leo are there. Leo is scrying.]
Leo: I don’t understand why this isn’t working. Maybe I have the wrong wizard.
Phoebe: Or maybe because there’s nothing to find. Leo, you gotta stop beating yourself up over this, okay. It’s not your fault.
Leo: I just, I don’t understand why he hates me so much.
Phoebe: Yeah, but Leo, it’s in the future, it hasn’t happened yet, so you can change it.
Leo: If Chris lives long enough to tell me what to change. Why am I scrying for the wizard? The demon has Piper, I should be scrying for her.
Phoebe: Here, use her keys.
(Phoebe grabs Piper’s keys and hands them to Leo. He continues to scry. The crystal points to a place on the map.)
Leo: Got her.
Phoebe: Okay, I’ll take the antidote, you take the vanquishing potion. Paige!
Leo: Piper didn’t bless it.
Phoebe: It’s all we’ve got.
Leo: But we need the power of three. How are we gonna make up for Piper?
(Paige walks in with the nymph, fairy and ogre following her.)
Paige: Well, how about with a little help from our friends.
[Cut to outside the Spider Demon’s cave. Phoebe, Paige, Leo and the ogre are there. The ogre throws a rock at the cave entrance and the cave’s force field sends the rock flying back to the ogre. He catches it.]
Paige: Nice catch.
Ogre: Thank you.
Phoebe: So wait, we can’t get in?
Leo: No, it’s impenetrable.
Phoebe: Great plan.
Paige: Well, maybe we can draw her out?
Leo: How’s that?
Ogre: I could just knock.
Phoebe: Good thinking.
[Cut to inside the cave. The spider demon is still sucking out Piper’s powers. She hears the ogre banging.]
Spider Demon: Damn it. Can’t a demon eat in peace?
[Cut to outside. The spider demon walks out.]
Spider Demon: You’re pissing me off, you know.
Paige: Yeah, that’s the idea.
Spider Demon: You think you can take me? Without your sister?
Paige: We’re just gonna have to see. Now! (The fairy flies in front of the spider demon’s face. The spider demon hits Paige across the face and she falls to the ground. Phoebe kicks the spider demon. The nymph comes out of the bushes and throws the potion at the spider demon. It misses when she turns back into a spider.) Step on her.
(The ogre steps on the spider and squishes it into the ground.)
Phoebe: That’s gross.
(Paige gets up.)
Paige: Give me the antidote.
Leo: No. This is my responsibility.
[Cut to inside. Piper is now out of the cocoon. She pulls the spider webs off her clothes.]
Leo: Piper, are you okay?
Piper: I think so. What are you doing here?
Leo: Uh, it’s a long story.
(They hear a noise.)
Piper: What’s that?
(Chris walks in.)
Leo: Our little boy. You gotta get out of here.
(Leo waves his hand and Piper orbs out.)
[Cut to outside the cave. Piper orbs in.]
Paige: Oh, hey, welcome back.
Phoebe: Where’s Leo?
(Chris blocks the cave door with spider webs.)
[Cut to inside the cave. Chris walks towards Leo.]
Leo: Alright, Chris, come on, can we just talk about this a minute?
(Chris grabs Leo by the throat.)
Chris: A minute? We have the next hundred years.
[Scene: Outside the cave. Piper is trying to blow up the blocked door.]
Piper: I can’t get through that thing.
Ogre: You want me to try knocking again?
Phoebe: Uh, I don’t think that’s gonna work this time.
Paige: That’s okay, we’ll take it from here.
Nymph: Are you sure?
Paige: Yeah, we’re positive. But thanks for everything.
(The nymph, ogre and fairy disappear.)
Piper: I told you guys not to bring Leo here.
Phoebe: I think he just saved your life.
Piper: Yeah, at his expense, and maybe Chris’s too.
[Cut to inside the cave. Leo is stuck to a large spider web.]
Chris: Well, at least we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other… dad.
Leo: See, that’s what I’m talking about. That’s not the demon talking, that’s you talking, Chris. It’s not too late, you just have to fight it.
Chris: Why fight it when I’ve already won?
(He throws out more spider webs which covers Leo’s hand.)
Leo: Tell me why you hate me so much, Chris. Huh? What did I do to become such a bad dad?
Chris: It doesn’t matter anymore.
Leo: No? The hell it doesn’t. Deep down you hate my guts. Huh? Admit it. Come on, admit it. What, you afraid?
Chris: I’m not afraid of you.
Leo: No? Then why don’t you tell me what I did to you? What, did I miss a school play? Did I take away your favourite toy? Did I play favourites with Wyatt? (Chris gets angry and grabs Leo. He throws him across the room. He runs over and pushes him against the wall.) Chris, don’t!
Chris: You don’t know me.
(He punches Leo in the stomach and throws him over his shoulder.)
[Cut to outside. Paige rubs her neck.]
Phoebe: Paige, you should take the antidote.
Paige: No, no, I’m fine. It didn’t even break my skin, it just hurts.
Phoebe: Yeah, but still.
Paige: No, we need to save it for Chris.
Phoebe: What’s the matter?
Piper: Kidney shot.
Phoebe: Maybe he’s trying to tell you something.
Piper: Maybe he is. Give me that.
Phoebe: What? Why?
Piper: So I can take it.
Piper: You’ve been saying whatever happens to little Chris happens to big Chris, and that’s what you’ve been so worried about.
Piper: So if I take this, then the baby’s inoculated and Chris is just fine, right?
Paige: Do you follow that?
Phoebe: Not a word.
Piper: Just give it to me.
(Piper snatches the antidote off Phoebe and drinks it.)
[Cut to inside. Chris is punching Leo.]
Chris: You don’t know me, you don’t know me! You don’t know me!
(Chris turns back to normal and the spider webs blocking the entrance disappears. Chris continues to punch Leo in the face. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in.)
Piper: Chris, no! Chris! Chris, look at me! (She pulls him away from Leo.) It’s okay. It’s over.
(Chris leaves the cave.)
[Scene: Magic School. Piper, Leo and Wyatt are there. There are packed bags beside them.]
Leo: (to Wyatt) You gotta eat all your vegetables and brush your teeth everyday. Then you get to play a lot.
(Sigmond walks in.)
Sigmond: Are these the last of them?
Piper: Yeah, thank you. (Sigmond grabs the bags and leaves the room. Leo hugs Wyatt.) You’re suffocating the boy.
Leo: It’s just, you know.
Piper: Over compensating?
Leo: No, I just miss him a lot.
Piper: I know.
Leo: So you think you’re gonna be alright here? I mean, at least until after the baby’s born?
Piper: Yeah, I think so. And Gideon’s right, this is the safest place for me and that’s the most important thing, right?
Leo: I think so.
Piper: Besides, I’m only an orb away if the girls need me.
Leo: No, I told them to call me first.
Piper: You? You’re not going back up there?
Leo: No. My family needs me here right now.
Piper: Yes, we do. You know, Leo, you can get through to him. You just can’t give up. He’s just as stubborn as you are. (to Wyatt) Can you wave goodbye? Okay, let’s go. Come on, let’s go.
(Piper takes Wyatt’s hand and they walk down the hall. Gideon walks in.)
Leo: Take good care of them, Gideon, will you?
(Leo orbs out.)
[Scene: P3. A band is playing. Phoebe and Paige are there. Paige is behind the bar. Phoebe walks over to her.]
Phoebe: Hi, this place is hopping, huh?
Paige: Yeah. Not a bad guy over there. Is that Nick?
Phoebe: Uh, no, actually, that’s Ron.
Paige: What, did you skip some letters in the alphabet?
Phoebe: Q’s are hard to find.
Paige: I hear ya. Well, at least he’s handsome.
Phoebe: He’s cute, right? Okay, have fun. Bye.
(Phoebe goes back to Ron. Paige picks up a tray of drinks and takes it over to Riley, the nymph and the ogre.)
Paige: Okay, drinks on the house.
Riley: God bless you, love. Cheers.
[Scene: Golden Gate Bridge. Chris is sitting at the very top. Leo orbs in beside him.]
Leo: Can we talk?
Chris: There’s nothing to talk about.
Leo: I think there is. Quite a bit, actually.
Chris: It doesn’t matter.
Leo: It does to me, Chris. You’re my son. I think I deserve to know what I did that’s so bad.
Chris: You were never there for me. You were there for everybody else. For mum, Wyatt, half the world, but you were never there for me. You didn’t have the time.
Leo: So maybe you came back from the future not just to save Wyatt, maybe you came back to save us too.
Chris: I doubt it.
(Chris orbs out.)