Written by: David Simkins
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick
Season 6, Episode 08
Episode Number: 119
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Paige and Richard walk in, arms around each other.]
Richard: It’s looks like they’re all asleep. Maybe I should sneak out of here.
Paige: No. Why don’t you stay for breakfast? (She turns and faces him.) How do you like your eggs?
Richard: What about your sisters?
Paige: What about them?
(Paige walks backwards and trips over a pair of legs.)
(Piper and Paige stand up.)
Piper: Oh! Sorry. You okay?
Paige: What are you doing?
Piper: Trying to fix the garbage disposal. What are you doing?
Paige: Messing around.
Richard: Sorry, I should have told you I was here.
Piper: No, don’t be silly. Paige is a big girl, she can hang out all she wants to. Not that she does, a lot, I mean.
Paige: You can stop now.
Richard: Hey, you mind if I take a look?
Piper: Sure. Go ahead.
(Piper offers the screwdriver to him but he doesn’t take it.)
(Richard turns on the power and the disposal makes a loud noise.)
Paige: What’s wrong with the disposal, anyway?
Piper: Not disposing. Washer not washing, cable not cabling.
Paige: Don’t forget the sink upstairs.
Piper: It’s next on my list.
Paige: Sounds like fun.
Piper: It’s my life, actually, all about fun.
(Richard holds his hand above the sink and the dirty water empties down the drain.)
Richard: There you go, as good as new.
Paige: He’s handy to have around.
Piper: Yeah. I thought you didn’t use magic anymore?
Richard: Just once in a while, for little things. You want me to fix the washer?
(Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Can you guys help me pick out some earrings? (to Richard) Hi, I didn’t know you were here.
Richard: Hey, yeah, we got in late last night.
Phoebe: I see.
Piper: He fixed the garbage disposal.
Piper: Mm-hm. Magically.
Phoebe: Really? (to Piper) Can you help me with my earrings out here, please?
(Piper and Phoebe leave the room.)
Paige: So how do you like your eggs? Scrambled or over easy?
[Cut to the dining room. Phoebe is waiting on a chair. Piper walks in and Phoebe jumps up.]
Phoebe: Okay, listen. Was that weird?
(They walk to the bottom of the stairs.)
Piper: Why are you so dressed up?
Phoebe: Because I have a date with Jason, but that’s beside the point. Didn’t Richard lose it the last time he used magic? I mean, like really lose it?
Piper: Uh, I can assure you that he stayed in complete control over the garbage disposal. Uh, it’s seven o’clock in the morning, how can you have a date?
Phoebe: Oh, because it’s seven here but it’s evening in Hong Kong. Okay, so you’re not concerned about Richard using magic?
Piper: Yeah, I am, but I’m more concerned with Paige being really pissed off because we butted into her business again.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but we’re sisters, that’s what we’re supposed to do.
Piper: Uh, back to your date. I don’t understand, is Chris orbing you to Hong Kong?
Phoebe: No, we’re video conferencing. We just open our laptops and there we are in colour.
Piper: Mm-hm, in each other’s laps.
Phoebe: So do you think we should talk to Paige about Richard?
Piper: We don’t really know him.
Phoebe: I know, we don’t. And neither does she, that’s the problem. What, can’t I worry?
Piper: From afar, yeah. Now, excuse me, I have to go unclog a sink.
(Piper goes upstairs. Phoebe holds up her earrings and tries to decide.)
[Cut to the bathroom. Piper walks in with a tool box. She looks at the clogged sink.]
Piper: Well, maybe a little magic couldn’t hurt.
(She puts down the toolbox. The water in the sink bubbles and forms a face of a woman. Piper steps back.)
Woman: Help me.
[Cut to a lake. Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in on the grass.]
Paige: Okay, so water lady pops up from the sink. Are you sure she’s not a demon?
Piper: I’m sure she needed help.
Phoebe: What else did she say?
Piper: That was it. Pretty park, pond and poof. (The pond starts to bubble and a sword rises out of the water.) Over there.
(A woman made of water, holding onto the sword, rises out of the water and floats over to land. She becomes solid and heads for the girls. A man wielding a dagger and shield and wearing a black cloak, shimmers in.)
Woman: They’re coming. Take this, it does not belong to them.
(The man throws a dagger at the woman and stabs her. She falls and the sword flies over some trees. The girls run over to the woman. Two demons wearing black masks and carrying battle axes shimmer in. A sword materialises in the man’s hand. Phoebe and Paige go over to the demons and fight them.)
(The axe orbs into Paige’s hands and she hits the demon, vanquishing him. Phoebe gets the axe of the other demon and hits him, vanquishing him too. The man approaches Piper and the woman and Piper tries to blow him up. Phoebe and Paige run over.)
Phoebe: I’m liking these odds.
(The man shimmers out. They drop the battle axes.)
Woman: The sword. The sword is…
(The woman turns to water.)
Phoebe: Where’d she go? What’d she say?
Piper: Uh, she said something about the sword. Where is it?
Paige: It’s in the stone.
(They look over and see the sword sticking out of a large rock.)
Phoebe: The sword and the stone?
Piper: Uh, you gotta be kidding me. Right?
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Paige and Richard are there. The sword and the stone is sitting in the middle of the room. Piper is sweeping around it.]
Piper: Okay, could you maybe miss the table?
Paige: I’m sorry, I’ve never orbed anything that heavy before or that historic.
(The sword glows.)
Richard: Do you see it glowing?
Piper: No, it’s the sun room, there’s a lot of light.
Paige: What part of this reality aren’t you getting? Sword stone, lady lake?
Piper: It was a pond.
Richard: Do you think she’s from Avalon?
Paige: Yeah, I think she was flushed out by whoever’s after Excalibur. The maker of kings.
Piper: Look, we’re not talking about Camelot, right? Because that’s not real.
Paige: So you’re saying you never believed in King Arthur and the knights of the round table?
Piper: Yes, I did, when I was seven, and then I grew up.
Paige: Yeah, you grew up to be a witch that fights demons and silly looking dragons.
Piper: That’s different, that’s real.
Paige: And this isn’t real?
Piper: What is real are those hooded freaks.
Richard: They’re not gonna give up now that the sword is in the open.
Piper: How do you know?
Richard: Whoever has Excalibur is unstoppable.
(Phoebe walks in carrying the Book of Shadows.)
Phoebe: Okay, there is definitely nothing in the book. Oh, hi. How ya doing?
Piper: Phoebe, please, put a stop to this nonsense.
Phoebe: Didn’t realise you were still here.
Paige: That’s okay, you can talk freely in front of him. Lord knows, we’ve been through enough.
Phoebe: No, not really.
Richard: Look, I should probably go.
Phoebe: Don’t ridiculous, you’re great.
Paige: Okay, anyway, book, Excalibur.
Phoebe: Yeah, nothin, nada.
Piper: Told ya.
Paige: You know, hey, maybe it’s been out of circulation since ye olden days, and maybe no Halliwell has come across it before.
Phoebe: Well, we have run across these guys. Executioner demons. Low-level bad asses for hire.
Piper: Who hired them?
(Phoebe turns to a page.)
Phoebe: This higher-level bad ass.
(Piper goes over to look.)
Piper: A power mad paladin of destruction.
Paige: Maybe, you know, maybe we should just kind of hang out later.
Richard: Yeah, okay. Bye.
(Richard heads for the front door. Paige follows.)
Richard: Be careful in all of this.
Paige: Always. I had a really good time last night.
Richard: Me too.
Richard: Uh, I just don’t think your sisters like me very much.
Paige: Oh, that’s not true.
Paige: Okay, maybe they’re just doing the over protective sister thing.
Richard: Well, that’s a good thing because I don’t want anything to happen to you.
Paige: Don’t worry.
[Cut to the conservatory. Phoebe is watching Paige and Richard.]
Piper: So he’s an upper level demon which means you should be able to make a vanquishing potion.
Phoebe: Okay. Wait, me? Why me?
Piper: Because… hello… I have a few hundred things to do around here in addition to raising a small child.
Phoebe: I know, you have so much to do, you’re my hero. But I can’t, I have to go to work. I still don’t have an assistant and I’m swamped.
(Phoebe heads for the door.)
Piper: Phoebe. (Paige walks in.) Paige! Potion?
Paige: Oh, I’m sorry, honey, the temp agency’s already got me a new job.
Piper: But that hardly compares with…
(She points to the sword.)
Paige: Come on, you know there’s a magical reason that I had every one of these jobs and who am I to interfere with destiny?
Piper: Okay, so you want me to add baby-sit the sword and mix vanquishing potion to my never ending ‘to do’ list?
Paige: Look, sword is stuck in the stone. You know it, I know it, the bad guys know it. Nobody’s going to get it out until King Arthur pulls it out and when that happens there’ll be lots of fireworks.
Piper: And when might that be?
Paige: How should I know? Maybe in a couple thousand years. (She starts to walk out then stops. She turns around and walks over to the sword. She grabs it and tries to pull it out. It won’t budge.) Well, you can’t blame a girl for trying.
[Scene: Cave. The Dark Knight pushes a demon against the wall and holds his sword up to his neck.]
Dark Knight: Oh, but I do blame you. The sword is now locked in stone. You promised me murderers, what you delivered was cannon fodder for witches.
Demon: Those weren’t just witches.
Dark Knight: Tell me, demon, will your thick head still spout excuses when it’s cut from your neck?
Demon: If the sword is with the Charmed Ones, it means we need a better class of executioners, that’s all.
(The Dark Knight lowers his sword.)
Dark Knight: And how much more will this cost me?
Demon: The Charmed Ones are formidable.
Dark Knight: How much?
Demon: To provide you with more executioners, and the training needed to drown the Charmed Ones in their own blood… (The demon walks over to a round table with a large pentagon carved out of the top.) A seat at the table. If your goal is to unite all evil under the corrupted power of the sword, you can do far worse than have me at your side.
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe’s office. Phoebe is sitting at her desk. A woman walks in and places a manilla folder on her desk.]
Woman: Responses to last week’s column.
Phoebe: How’d you get into my email?
Woman: Your email account is maxed out, so your fans are using ours.
Phoebe: Oh, I tell you, Elise better find me a new assistant because pretty soon she’s gonna have to ask Phoebe to take my foot out of her… (The phone rings. The woman leaves. Phoebe searches for the phone under a pile of papers. She finds it and answers it.) Hello, Phoebe Halliwell. Oh, hey Laura. (She picks up her date book.) Uh, I have that down for… (She looks inside.) This morning. Oh my god, I missed it. I’m so sorry. No, of course I can reschedule, absolutely. (Paige stands at the doorway and clears her throat.) Actually, Laura, can I call you back when I have my book in front of me? Okay, great, I’m so sorry. Thanks. Bye. (She hangs up.) Hi. (Phoebe buries her head in her hands.) I thought you had a new temp job today.
Paige: I do.
Phoebe: Why aren’t you there?
Paige: Apparently I am.
(Phoebe looks up.)
Phoebe: What? Here?
Phoebe: As my assistant?
Paige: Well, I think I prefer being called your desk manager.
Phoebe: Wait, I thought you get all of your temp jobs for divine reasons.
Paige: Usually I do.
Phoebe: Yeah, but I don’t need divine help. I need filing and faxing and desk management help.
Paige: I’m your girl. I really am. We’ll just, you know, see if the divine stuff kind of appears later. Usually does.
Phoebe: Yeah, but I can’t tell you what to do. I mean, how weird is that?
Paige: Well, it’s no weirder than usual.
Phoebe: Oh, I see.
Paige: Just kidding, sort of. Listen, you get back to your column, I will call Laura and reschedule, I will… (She picks up a bunch of messages.) Help… stuff.
[Scene: Manor. Laundry room. Piper is there looking at the washing machine. It is making an awful noise and there are soap suds on the lid. She puts down a monkey wrench and reaches over and pulls the plug.]
(She walks into the kitchen and a pot is boiling over. She turns the stove off and wipes up the mess.)
Male Voice: Hey, lady. (Piper looks around the bench to see one of the seven dwarfs standing there.) We could really use an authority figure out there
Piper: What are you doing here?
Dwarf: What am I doing here? I’m getting pushed around, I just lost my place in line.
Piper: What line?
(The dwarf leaves the kitchen. Piper follows.)
[Cut to the conservatory. Creatures of all shapes and sizes are standing in a line beside the sword and stone. A woman is trying to pull out the sword but it doesn’t budge. She gives up and the next in line has a go.]
Piper: What is this?
Dwarf: Natural selection. Naturally I hope the sword selects me to be king. Finally get a little respect around here.
(The creatures laugh.)
Piper: You people, you creatures, whatever, you can’t be here, you gotta go.
Ogre: We have a defying right to try our hand.
Dwarf: Yeah. Ten feet is pretty much the distance.
Creature: Back of the line, please. Hoof it, sister!
Piper: Chris! Chris! Get down here. (Leo orbs in.) Where’s Chris?
Leo: Busy. (Leo looks around.) What’s going on?
Piper: Busy with what?
Leo: Other charges. I took him off your account again.
Piper: Our account?
Leo: You know what I mean. (Leo sees the sword and stone.) Whoa, is that what I think it is?
Piper: No, no, it’s not, okay. Now look, you gotta get all these people out of here because I can’t do this right now.
(Leo reaches for the sword.)
Creature: Hey, hey, hey! No cuts, buddy.
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe walks out of a room.]
Woman: How was the staff meeting?
Phoebe: Endless. How’s my new assistant working out?
Woman: Oh, she put a fire under the interns, that’s for sure.
(Phoebe heads for her office.)
[Cut to Phoebe’s office. Paige is sitting at the desk. Three guys are sitting in front of the desk.]
Paige: Okay, who can help me with that? (They all raise their hands. She points to one.) Great. You got it. And what about collating and cross referencing? (Two raise their hands.) You, and so you would have databasing. (Phoebe stands at the doorway.) Alright. Great, you boys have your marching orders, I will check back with you in a couple of hours.
(The guys get up and leave the room. Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Wow. (She sees her tidy desk.) Who works here?
Paige: You do. Who rocks? That would be me. By the end of the day we’re gonna have a system in place that tracks your column ideas, your columns written and your columns considered, plus a separate file for your questions, comments and fan mail.
Phoebe: I can’t believe it.
Paige: Well, believe it because you my dear, are never going to miss anything again.
(Paige stands up and Phoebe sits down.)
Phoebe: That’s good.
Paige: It is good news because you my dear, need to concentrate.
Phoebe: Yes, I do.
Paige: Yes, you do. Starting with tomorrow’s column.
Phoebe: I already wrote tomorrow’s column.
Paige: Yeah, you did.
Phoebe: Uh, is there a problem with it?
Paige: Well, I mean, I’m no expert but I was just thinking about this one question. Okay, the girl’s family wants her to break up with him because they think he’s an alcoholic and absent of any proof you’re telling her to end it.
Phoebe: Well, you know, not really end it, just slow it down a bit.
Paige: Okay, but slowing it down by not seeing each other is in affect ending it.
Phoebe: I just think you should keep your eyes open.
Paige: Keep my eyes open?
Phoebe: I-I mean I think that she should keep her eyes open. You know what I mean.
Paige: Yeah. This column’s about Richard and I, isn’t it?
Phoebe: No, it is not about Richard. Don’t be ridiculous.
Paige: You hate him. I can tell and what’s worse, he can tell.
Phoebe: Look, Paige, if you’re sensing anything from me, it’s just concern. I’m concerned you’re falling too fast for a guy you barely know. But it’s none of my business.
Paige: You’re right. It’s not any of your business.
(Leo orbs in.)
Leo: Hey, Piper needs your help now.
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. A tiny fairy is trying to pull the sword out of the stone. The ogre pushes her out of the way and she flies across the room.]
(The ogre tries to pull out the sword. Phoebe, Paige and Leo orb in.)
Phoebe: Oh, my.
Paige: I was afraid this would happen.
Piper: Do you think you could have mentioned that?
Phoebe: And they won’t leave?
Piper: Oh, no, no. More show up every minute.
Paige: But no bad guys yet, right?
Phoebe: What is that stench? What is that stench?
Piper: We gotta get this thing out of the manor. Leo refuses to orb it.
Leo: Hey, the Lady of the Lake came to the Charmed Ones for help. I’m not messing with that.
Piper: Oh, for god’s sakes. (She gets up and heads for the sword and stone.) If you will not get rid of it, then I will.
(She holds onto the sword and pulls it out of the rock. Phoebe gasps.)
Creature: Your majesty.
(The creatures kneel. A man appears in the room and walks over to Piper.)
Man: I bet you didn’t expect this when you got up this morning.
(Phoebe covers her mouth in shock.)
Man: The sword has chosen. You are the new saviour. The champion of good, the master of Excalibur. Welcome to your new destiny.
Piper: Aw, crap.
[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Phoebe is pushing the dwarf out the door.]
Phoebe: Okay, let’s go, nothing to see here anymore, no more show, audios, scram.
Dwarf: Your majesty, seriously, if you need anything, anything at all, castles built, suits of armor. You name it, I got connections.
(The dwarf zips out the door and Phoebe closes the door.)
[Cut to the living room. Piper, Leo and Mordaunt are there. Piper is looking at the sword. Phoebe walks in.]
Phoebe: Is it just me or does it still smell like ogre in here?
(Phoebe sits down. Piper sits down and places the Excalibur on the coffee table in front of her.)
Piper: I’m telling you guys, this is all just a big mistake. (The Excalibur glows and slides closer to Piper.) Stop that.
Mordaunt: It’s drawn to you, just like you were drawn to it.
Piper: Do I look like I’m drawn to it, pal?
Mordaunt: You will be in time.
Piper: No, I don’t have time to play Queen Arthur.
(Paige walks in carrying Wyatt.)
Paige: Oh, come on, Piper, have a little fun. Don’t you realise what this means?
(Paige hands Wyatt to Leo.)
Piper: One more thing on my to do list?
Paige: No, it means you my dear, are the chosen one. The first in centuries to have power over the sword. Tell her all about it, Merlin.
Mordaunt: Oh, actually, the name’s Mordaunt. Merlin was just a fairy tale.
Mordaunt: But Camelot was not.
Paige: Ah ha!
Mordaunt: And thanks to you it can rise again.
Phoebe: So what are you? A wizard? A sorcerer?
Mordaunt: Actually, I’m neither. I’m just a humble teacher in service of the sword. And we must begin instruction immediately before your enemy attacks.
Paige: The Dark Knight.
Mordaunt: You know him?
Phoebe: Yeah, we’ve already kicked his ass.
Piper: And if he shows up again we have a vanquishing potion ready and waiting.
Mordaunt: What’s in it?
Piper: It’s a mandrake variation with a little bit of griffins blood.
Mordaunt: Good, if you’re going up against a pustouous knave which you’re not. If you want to fight the Dark Knight with magic, this is what you need.
(A piece of parchment materialises in his hand.)
Leo: I thought you said you weren’t a sorcerer.
Mordaunt: I picked up a few things along the way. (He hands Phoebe the parchment.) The Dark Knight is no trifle. You have to hit him with everything you have.
Phoebe: I’ve never even heard of half of these ingredients.
Leo: It looks like you picked up quite a bit. What do you think?
(Phoebe looks at Mordaunt.)
Phoebe: Can’t get a read on him.
Mordaunt: Distrust is expected but don’t let it blind you. If I haven’t taught Piper how to master the sword before the Dark Knight returns, your survival depends on that potion.
Phoebe: Okay, so where are we supposed to get the ingredients?
Paige: I think I know a place. Leave it to me, your trusty assistant.
(Paige orbs out with Phoebe.)
Leo: Alright, I guess I will go check with the other Elders and see if they know. You want me to take Wyatt? (Piper admires the sword.) Piper?
Leo: Do you want me to take Wyatt with me?
Piper: Yeah, sure. (Leo orbs out with Wyatt.) I’ll be fine.
(Piper stands up with the sword. A sword materialises in Mordaunt’s hands. He attacks Piper and she screams. She blocks his hits with the Excalibur.)
Mordaunt: Not bad. Better than Arthur’s first time.
Mordaunt: Now, I’m gonna come in low. Believe in Excalibur, just let it flow through you.
(They sword fight some more.)
[Scene: Cave. The Dark Knight and a demon are walking past masked demons making weapons.]
Dark Knight: Is he your best?
Demon: The highest quality. They’ll get the job done.
Dark Knight: They better. If they don’t, it’s not me they’ll have to answer to.
Demon: I thought you were the…
Dark Knight: I serve a greater power.
(A masked demon walks in carrying a sack over his shoulder. He clears a table and puts the sack down. The sack moves and the dwarf gets out of it.)
Dwarf: Well, should’ve figured you’d be after the sword.
Masked Demon: Tell them.
Dwarf: Kiss my grubby ass.
(The masked demon pulls out a dagger and holds it up to the Dwarf’s throat.)
Masked Demon: Tell him.
Dwarf: You’re too late. Piper Halliwell has Excalibur and she’s been trained how to use it.
Dark Knight: By who? Who’s training her?
(The dwarf shrugs. He punches the masked demon in his groin and zips away.)
Demon: Does this change anything?
Dark Knight: It changes everything.
[Scene: Richard’s house. Phoebe, Paige and Richard walk into a room full of ingredients. Richard turns on the light.]
Richard: I think we got everything you need. Plant roots, fungi, herbs, creature parts, insects…
Phoebe: Creature parts?
Richard: Fairy wings.
Phoebe: Wait, fairy wings?
Richard: Well, I didn’t kill them if that’s what you’re wondering.
Phoebe: Then how did you get them?
Paige: Uh, Phoebe?
Phoebe: What? Fair question.
Richard: Actually, I’m not sure. My family’s been stockpiling this stuff for years because of the fued.
Phoebe: Yeah, but the feud’s over, right?
Paige: Hey, you know, I think we’re gonna need a mortar and pestle for the potion. Do you have one?
(Richard leaves the room.)
Paige: What are you doing?
Paige: You don’t have to treat him like he’s evil.
Phoebe: Paige, I’m just reacting to what I see. I mean, how many guys do you know that stockpile gremlin ears?
Paige: Okay, first your not so subtle column, and now this. Why don’t you just come out and admit it. You hate him.
Phoebe: Paige, I don’t hate him. I’m just worried.
Paige: Well, don’t worry because I know what I’m doing.
Phoebe: Okay, so are you telling me that it doesn’t bother you at all that he’s using magic again? Or that he has this-this room hidden?
Paige: What part of this is not your business aren’t you getting?
Paige: Oh, Paige. I’m worried about you, okay? Just like you were worried about me when I was dating a demon.
Paige: Richard is not a demon.
Phoebe: No, I know he is not a demon, Paige, but he has a dark side and powerful magic, and that is a very dangerous combination. I-I’m worried about you, okay? I’m sorry.
(Richard walks in.)
(He hands Paige the mortar and pestle.)
(She puts it on the table.)
Richard: Everything alright?
Paige: Let’s just get this over with.
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Mordaunt barge into the room, sword fighting. Piper knocks his sword out of his hands and pushes him against the wall.]
Mordaunt: You’re a quick study.
Piper: You’re a good teacher.
Mordaunt: So, you feel the sword’s power?
Mordaunt: How’s it feel?
Piper: Not bad.
Mordaunt: You and Excalibur are becoming one. Soon nothing will matter. Nothing except the desire to rule.
(The Dark Knight, the demon, and two masked demons shimmer into the room.)
Dark Knight: You.
Mordaunt: I was wondering when you would show up. Take him.
(The Dark Knight attacks Piper. Mordaunt grabs his sword and the three other demons attack him.)
[Scene: Richard’s house. Ingredient room. Phoebe and Paige are making the potion.]
Paige: Wearboar tusk, one pinch. (Phoebe puts it in the potion.) Nymph hair, one lock.
Phoebe: Oh, I hope this isn’t from someone we know.
(Phoebe throws the hair into the potion.)
Paige: Wraith essence, three drops.
Phoebe: One, two, three.
Paige: And black poppy, one level teaspoon.
Phoebe: I’ve never even heard of black p…
(Richard uses his telekinetic power on Phoebe and she slides out the door. Paige races over to her. Phoebe gets up.)
Paige: Phoebe, are you okay? (Richard grabs a pinch of poppy and moves back.) Richard?
Richard: Wait, watch. (He throws the poppy into the potion and it explodes.) Don’t ever mix wraith essence and black poppy. Never.
Paige: Why would Mordaunt do this?
Richard: Because he wants you dead.
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Mordaunt are still fighting the Dark Knight and the three demons. Piper vanquishes the demon and a masked demon. The Dark Knight grabs Mordaunt.]
Dark Knight: I thought we made a deal.
Mordaunt: I don’t need you to get to the sword anymore. I’ve got her. (Mordaunt pushes him away. Piper stabs the masked demon and the Dark Knight and vanquishes them.) Your assimilation is complete. You are now one with Excalibur.
Piper: Now what?
(Paige and Phoebe orb in. Piper turns to them.)
Paige: It’s just us.
Phoebe: He’s not what you think he is.
Paige: He tried to kill us.
Phoebe: He wants the sword.
Piper: But the sword chose me.
Paige: No, he’s just using you, he wants the power of the sword for himself.
Phoebe: You’re not meant to control the sword.
Piper: But I do control it. And you don’t think I can.
Mordaunt: Perhaps we should leave.
Phoebe: Paige, Paige, Paige.
(She tries to orb the Excalibur but it doesn’t leave Piper’s hands.)
Piper: Don’t do that again.
Mordaunt: It appears your queen has spoken.
(Piper and Mordaunt disappear.)
Phoebe: Her majesty has left the building.
Paige: Or her madness.
[Scene: Cave. Piper and Mordaunt are there. Piper is wearing black clothes and is standing in front of the round table.]
Piper: It doesn’t look like much of a kingdom.
Mordaunt: This is just where it begins. Where you form your inner circle.
Piper: Let me guess. The knights of the round table?
(He moves closer behind Piper.)
Mordaunt: The knights of your round table. You’re on a new path now, a new destiny.
Piper: That’s good because I was getting a little bored of the old one.
Mordaunt: A world of adventure awaits you. Warfare, conquest, Camelot.
Piper: And what exactly is Camelot?
(She turns around and faces him.)
Mordaunt: Whatever you want it to be. It’s your kingdom to make.
Piper: Could you be a little more specific?
Mordaunt: There will be no one above you, no one to challenge you. You will have free reign to reshape the way things are. To create a world of your dreams. All will bow down before you. (He caresses her cheek.) All will serve your every desire.
Piper: Including you?
Mordaunt: Especially me, my queen.
(They kiss. Mordaunt reaches for the sword and it moves away. He moves away from Piper.)
Piper: What is it?
Mordaunt: Well, we must build your kingdom first, and to do that we need to fill your round table with knights.
Piper: Very well, I have a few ideas.
Mordaunt: No. Let me be your council. I know best who will serve you well. But they will not come easily. You must challenge them on fields of battle. Force them to join you.
(Piper picks up the Excalibur.)
Piper: I think I can do that.
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Paige is scrying.]
Paige: Nope, can’t find Piper anywhere.
Leo: Well, keep looking, she’s bound to show up somewhere.
Paige: Yeah, to do what?
Phoebe: I don’t understand. If she wasn’t supposed to pull the sword out of the stone, then why was she able to?
Leo: Because according to the other Elders, she was only meant to pass it on to whom ever it was really meant for.
Phoebe: So she’s not the new King Arthur but she is the new Lady of the Lake?
Leo: Basically, yeah.
Paige: Well, why is it turning her evil?
Leo: Because only the ultimate power on earth can handle Excalibur. That’s why the Lady stayed in the lake to insulate herself from the power of the sword.
Paige: Okay, so we should find Piper and then drown her. (Leo gives her a look.) Oh, I’m just kidding, Leo.
Leo: It’s no joke, it’s the only way to keep the power from consuming her, destroying her.
Phoebe: Still, what does Mordaunt want with Piper? I mean, he’s tricky, but he’s hardly the ultimate power on earth.
Leo: But he can use Piper to become that power.
(The crystal points to a spot on the map.)
Paige: Guess who just surfaced.
[Scene: Piper and Mordaunt are there. A demon flies through the air and hits a stack of hay. Piper walks over and points the Excalibur at the demon.]
Piper: Should I kill him?
Mordaunt: You’re the Queen.
Piper: I need one more knight to set up my round table. Care to join me?
Demon: Join you? Which side are you on?
Mordaunt: All we’re interested in is the greatest power. Become one of us.
Piper: What he said.
Demon: What do I get out of it?
Piper: You, you get to live.
(Phoebe and Piper orb in.)
Demon: I should have known it was a trap.
(The demon gets up.)
Piper: You stay put. (to the girls) You, I warned you.
Phoebe: Sorry, your majesty. (Phoebe throws a potion and Piper destroys it with the sword.) Paige, now, orb her.
(Paige orbs out just as Piper throws the Excalibur at her. Paige orbs back in behind Piper and grabs her. Piper throws Paige over her shoulders and she lands on the ground in front of Phoebe. Piper holds out her hand and the Excalibur returns to her.)
Mordaunt: Impressive, huh? Now, make your queen proud.
(Phoebe helps Paige up. The demon throws electricity bolts at Phoebe and Paige and their bodies fall to the ground, leaving their spirits behind.)
Paige: What just happened?
Phoebe: I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s good.
(Piper, Mordaunt and the demon disappear.)
[Scene: Cave. Three other demons are sitting around the round table. The demon appears in the forth seat.]
Piper: Welcome. I assume you’re all wondering why you’ve been gathered here. But don’t worry, if I wanted to kill you I would have done so already. You are the chosen few who will help chart a new world order, united under me.
Mordaunt: Excuse me, your majesty, we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
Piper: Are we?
Mordaunt: The small matter of the loyalty oath.
Piper: Oh, yeah, that’s right. Uh, administer that oath.
Mordaunt: Yes, your majesty. If you will all put your left hand… (One demon growls.) Or claw on one of the five points of the pentagram in front of you. (Mordaunt sits down in the fifth seat. He puts his hand on the point and chants. The pentagram glows and the demons shake.) Supreme demonic powers, leave your host and find a new home in this willing heart.
Piper: What are you doing? Stop! (The powers leave the demons and they are vanquished one by one. The powers enter Mordaunt.) You vanquished all my knights. Why?
(The Excalibur floats into Mordaunts hand.)
Mordaunt: For filling my centuries old quest. To control Excalibur.
Piper: But it belongs to me.
Mordaunt: No, it doesn’t. It never did. But thanks to you and the combined powers of your knights, now it belongs to me. I’m the ultimate power.
Piper: I don’t understand.
Mordaunt: It’s simply transferred power, that’s all. And now all that remains to do is to eliminate the true recipient of Excalibur before he grows old enough to fulfil his destiny as the son of a Charmed One.
Piper: You can’t hurt him, he’s protected.
Mordaunt: I couldn’t before, but I can with this.
(He stabs Piper with the Excalibur.)
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Phoebe is scrying and Paige is laying on the chair.]
Leo: Feeling any better?
Paige: No, I’m pretty sure ‘ow’ signifies that I am not in fact feeling any better. (Paige sits up.) I am getting tired of this whole soul separating from my body thing. It’s getting to be a disturbing pattern.
Leo: It’s pretty close too, your souls were getting ready to move on.
Paige: Move on to where exactly?
Leo: Nice try.
Phoebe: I can not believe, Piper. Did you see that look in her eyes?
Paige: Hey, at least it looked like she was having fun for once.
Leo: Find her yet?
Phoebe: No, nothing.
Leo: Alright, keep trying. Just like last time, they can’t do anything until they resurface.
Paige: Yeah, unless Mordaunt wants her to help him rule the underworld.
Phoebe: There’s gotta be another way to get her out of this.
Paige: I just wish we knew who King Arthur is.
Phoebe: Wait, what do you mean?
Paige: I mean, if we need to separate Piper from the sword, what better way than to figure out who she’s meant to give it to. (Wyatt gurgles from the playpen.) No.
Phoebe: It’s Wyatt, oh my god, it has to be. (Leo groans in pain.) What’s the matter?
Leo: It’s Piper, she’s hurt.
(The crystal points to a spot on the map.)
Phoebe: Harding Park, let’s go.
Paige: I got Wyatt.
(Phoebe orbs out with Leo.)
[Cut to Harding Park. Piper and Mordaunt are there. He lowers Piper to the ground.]
Mordaunt: Don’t worry, it’ll all be over. Once they come for you, I’ll go for him.
(Phoebe and Leo orb in. Mordaunt disappears.)
Phoebe: Hurry, hurry.
(Leo runs over to Piper and heals her. She gasps.)
Piper: Where’s Wyatt?
[Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Mordaunt walks up to the playpen holding the Excalibur.]
Mordaunt: My apologies, King Wyatt. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. (Mordaunt stabs the lumpy blanket bundle in the playpen. He lifts up the bundle and it’s a teddy bear wrapped in a blanket.) What!
(Paige orbs in holding Wyatt.)
Paige: Ohh, and that’s his favourite teddy bear.
(Piper, Phoebe and Leo orb in. Piper takes Wyatt from Paige.)
Piper: Bet you didn’t expect this when you got up this morning.
Mordaunt: But I still got Excalibur.
Phoebe: Not for long.
Leo: Go for it, Wyatt.
(Wyatt orbs out the Excalibur and it orbs back in, hovering in front of Wyatt. Wyatt points and the Excalibur flies across the room and stabs Mordaunt. Mordaunt explodes and is vanquished. The sword drops to the floor.)
Piper: Okay, sweetie, that’s very, very good. But we need to put this away, so you don’t put an eye out. (She walks over to Excalibur and picks it up.) At least until you’re eighteen.
(Piper walks over to the stone and pushes the Excalibur into it.)
Paige: How are you?
Piper: Oh, fine. Do you think you could orb this into the attic?
(The sword and stone orb out.)
Piper: Away from any furniture?
(They hear a crash from upstairs.0
Piper: Don’t worry, I’ll just add it to my list.
(They all laugh.)
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe’s office. Phoebe is there typing on her computer. Paige stands at the door.]
Paige: Hey. I just finished the last of the filing.
Phoebe: Great, thanks.
Paige: Is that, uh, tomorrow’s copy?
Phoebe: Uh, yeah, I’m just doing some last minute changes. This woman right here is worried that her mother might be marrying the wrong guy.
Phoebe: Yeah, she thinks he might be the devil incarnate.
Paige: Didn’t we vanquish the devil incarnate?
Phoebe: I told you that unless she has absolute proof, she should probably but out and let her sister live her own life.
Paige: I thought this was about her mother?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, you know what I mean.
Paige: Yeah, I think I do. It’s funny, this is the first job I’ve gotten without a magical reason behind it.
Phoebe: Well, there may not have been a magical reason, but there’s definitely a reason. I just have to learn to take my own advice.
Paige: Yeah, well, don’t start worrying about me too much.
(Richard walks in.)
Richard: Hey. Sorry to interrupt. You ready to go?
Paige: Yeah, um, we’re going out. Do you wanna join?
Phoebe: I would love to, actually, but, uh, I’m gonna take a rain check. It’s been a long day.
Paige: Okay, good night.
(Paige and Richard start to leave.)
Phoebe: Hey, Paige. You’re fired.
Paige: Actually, I quit.
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Wyatt are there looking at the sword and stone.]
Piper: Listen, I want you to promise me before we take that thing out of storage, that you’re gonna play lots of football and baseball and have lots of normal toys, and maybe we can get a dog. (Leo walks in.) What do you think?
Leo: How are we doing?
Piper: Uh, his highness seems content.
Leo: What about you?
Piper: I’m doing alright. At least I have my priorities straight now. I was so busy doing stuff and all I really wanted to do was hang out with him.
Leo: Well, you should have more time for that now. I fixed the washer.
Piper: You did?
Leo: And the sink, and the cable, and the toilet.
Piper: Wow, I forgot how handy you were to have around the house.
Leo: Pretty strange, huh?
Piper: Kind of scary, actually.
Piper: Well, we’ve seen what he can do without the sword, I can’t begin to imagine what he could do with it.
Leo: Well, whatever it is, it’s meant to be.
Piper: It doesn’t make it any less scary, though. But that’s tomorrow’s problem. I’ll worry about it then. Okey-dokey.
(They leave the room. The sword glimmers.)