I Dream of Phoebe

Written by: Curtis Kheel
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick

Season 6, Episode 15
Episode Number: 126

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe walks in and goes over to her assistant.]

Phoebe: Good morning. Any phone calls?

Assistant: Take your pick. We’ve got adulterers, cross-dressers, thirty-four year old virgins, and, oh, your nephew.

Phoebe: Oh, Chris called?

Assistant: No, Wyatt. Um, actually, I think Piper did the dialling, but. You have another nephew?

Phoebe: Um, no, uh, but-but, you know, maybe some day I will. You know what I mean? Okay.

(Phoebe goes into her office and Chris there. She gets a fright.)

Chris: Phoebe, I need your help.

Phoebe: I’ve been calling for you all week. Didn’t you hear me?

Chris: For the first couple of days, yeah. Then I put you on mute.

Phoebe: You can put me on mute?

Chris: I had to, I was busy. Now, I need your help.

Phoebe: Oh, yeah, and I need yours too, because you come here, you drop this bombshell on me, and you expect me to keep this secret? And I don’t even know why I’m keeping the secret.

Chris: Nobody can find out Piper and Leo are my parents. It can mess with the whole future.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, if you didn’t want anybody to know, I don’t know why you told me.

Chris: I told you because you busted me, and I’m glad you did. I have been so focused on protecting Wyatt, I’ve completely forgotten about me. This month is my conception date.

Phoebe: Your conception date?

Chris: That’s where I’ve been. Oracles, fortune tellers, soothsayers they all say the same thing. If mum and dad don’t screw, this month I’m screwed.

Phoebe: Okay, I’m just trying to get used to you being my nephew. I never hit on you, did I?

Chris: What? No.

Phoebe: Oh, thank god.

Chris: Can we focus here, please? Mum and dad need to have sex. Now who’s gonna tell them? You or me?

Phoebe: No, nobody’s gonna tell them because we’re not gonna reopen those wounds.

Chris: Okay. So how do we get them back together?

Phoebe: W-we? There is no we here. We don’t. You’re the one that split them up. And why did you split them up?

Chris: Leo had to become an Elder to make room for me as your Whitelighter. It was the only way I could protect Wyatt from turning evil.

Phoebe: You’re unbelievable. I mean, the most kids who are the cause of their parents divorce actually feel guilty. And you’re sitting here like it’s part of your master plan.

Chris: I’m sensing some real issues here.

Phoebe: Oh, you’re damn right there are issues. You can’t just pop in from the future and play with people’s lives because your big brother picked on you.

Chris: He picked on the world, Phoebe.

Phoebe: I’m not finished. Your parents were happy until you split them up. And now you want my help because you didn’t think this all the way through?

Chris: Feel better?

Phoebe: Yes.

Chris: Will you help me?

Phoebe: No. Oh, I don’t know.

Chris: If I’m not conceived in the next couple of weeks, I’ll disappear forever. (Chris picks up a letter off Phoebe’s desk.) You are willing to help complete strangers. How about family? (Phoebe snatches the letter off Chris and receives a premonition.) What is it? What’d you see?

Phoebe: A woman being attacked.

Chris: Where?

[Scene: Arabia. Cave. Phoebe and Chris are there.]

Phoebe: Looks like a dig site.

Chris: A desert in the middle east. Are you sure your scrying wasn’t off??

Phoebe: Maybe Jenny is an archaeologist.

Chris: Yeah, why would an archaeologist in the middle east send a letter to an advice columnist in San Francisco?

Phoebe: She said she was with a controlling man.

Chris: Okay, you’re missing my point. What happens if this is a trap? (Chris sees some bones on the ground.) What is that? (He bends down to have a look. A sword flies past above his head. They turn around to see two Arabians standing near the cave entrance. They shout words at Phoebe and Chris and move forward. Phoebe throws a potion at them and they are vanquished.) You think anyone heard them?

(A ball of light hits Chris in the shoulder and knocks him to the ground. A guy on a flying carpet flies in. He is holding a bottle. Chris uses telekinesis to knock down some trestles in front of the man. He stops suddenly and drops the bottle.)

Man: No!

(Phoebe throws a potion which doesn’t harm the man but he flies away. Phoebe rushes to Chris’s side.)

Phoebe: Are you okay?

Chris: I’ll be fine. Was that a flying carpet?

Phoebe: What is that?

(Phoebe goes over to the bottle and picks it up. She wipes off the dirt and pink smoke escapes out of the bottle. Jinny, the Genie appears.)

Jinny: Thank you for responding to my letter.

Phoebe: Wait, are you Jinny?

Jinny: At your service, master.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Conservatory. Phoebe, Leo, Chris and Jinny are there. Leo is healing Chris’s shoulder.]

Jinny: I could heal him, master. Your warrior needs his strength. My last master will be coming back for me.

Phoebe: I think he’s got it under control.

Jinny: Good idea, save your wishes.

Leo: Did you get a good look at the demon?

Phoebe: I did, and when we’re done here I’ll go up to the Book of Shadows and check it out. I also called Paige to see if she can keep an eye on Jinny for me.

Chris: Thanks.

Jinny: There is no need to guard me. Even if I was not bound to serve you I would do it anyway for sparing me from Bosk.

Phoebe: Bosk?

Jinny: My last master. He’s cruel, even for a demon. And I would know. My bottle has been passed around from demon to demon for centuries.

Leo: That’s terrible.

Jinny: You can not begin to know. That is why I got a message to Phoebe. I knew if she had my bottle she would wish me free.

Phoebe: No wishes. I know all about Genies. You’re tricksters.

Leo: Listen, I gotta get back up there. You think you can handle this without Piper?

Chris: Where is Piper?

Leo: On a date.

Chris: On a date in the middle of the day?

Phoebe: Yeah, Greg works nights.

Chris: (thinks) Greg, Greg. Greg, the fireman? You mean the one she’s insanely sexually attracted to? Doesn’t that bother you?

Leo: No. If it’s makes her happy, that’s all that matters.

Chris: Oh, come on! What about all this forbidden lovers, you and me against the world stuff? That just doesn’t go away.

Leo: You know, Chris, it’s a little late for male bonding. Especially since I’m petitioning the other Elders to send you back to your time.

Chris: What?

Phoebe: Wait, are you serious?

Jinny: You look tense, master. Neck rub?

Leo: Even though Chris’s intensions are good, his methods have put us all at risk. So, he’s going back.

Chris: You mean abandoning me again.

Leo: Look, you did your job, you warned us about an evil that was after Wyatt. I think we can handle it from here.

(Leo orbs out.)

Chris: I’ve gotta stop him.

Phoebe: Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Leo.

Chris: No, no, not Leo. Greg, the fireman. He’s about to sleep with my mum.

(Chris orbs out.)

Phoebe: I really wish you wouldn’t do that.

(Jinny puts her hands together and blinks. Chris orbs back in.)

Chris: What just happened?

Jinny: Your wish is my command, master.

(They hear the front door close.)

Paige: Alright, where’s the Genie? (Phoebe and Jinny walk into the living room. Paige walks in.) Oh my god, you landed one.

Phoebe: She’s a Genie, not a trout.

Jinny: You still have two wishes, master. I suggest you save one for Bosk.

Phoebe: I told you, no wishes. We’re gonna do this our way.

Jinny: But you can not handle him. Nobody can. He has a flying carpet and an army of forty thieves.

Phoebe: Thirty-eight. I vanquished two.

Paige: Let me guess. He wanted a crew and a nice ride. Original for a demon’s wish, yeah?

Jinny: Yes. And if Bosk gets me back, he will force me to grant his third wish.

Paige: What’s his third wish?

(Large diamond earrings appear on Paige’s earlobes.)

Phoebe: Did you do that?

Jinny: No, but they are lovely. Who conjured them for you?

Paige: My boyfriend, Richard. He’s been showering me with gifts all week.

Phoebe: I thought you were gonna talk to him about binding his powers?

Paige: I have but every time I bring it up I just get another present. Luxury problem I know, but still.

Phoebe: Yeah, not good. Back to the demon. Uh, what was his third wish?

Jinny: Zanbar.

Phoebe: Zanbar?

Paige: What’s Zanbar?

Jinny: The lost city. Before being swallowed up by the desert, it was the seat of power for an evil empire.

(Chris walks in.)

Chris: Phoebe? Will you do something, please? I can’t orb.

(A large diamond bracelet appears on Paige’s arm.)

Paige: Damn him.

Phoebe: You know, Paige, if he won’t listen to you, maybe he’ll listen to his family.

Paige: Most of them are dead. Remember, the feud.

Jinny: Please, we do not have time for this. If Bosk captures me, Zanbar will rise again from the dust.

Paige: It’s just a city.

Jinny: A city of magic. Bosk has been using his thieves to search for his former site. If he finds it and wishes it back, there will be no stopping him. That is why you must wish me free, master. If I am not a Genie, it will solve your problems and mine. I beg you.

Chris: Hey, a little help here, please?

(Paige’s clothes change into a black evening dress.)

Phoebe: Okay, I’m losing my mind. Uh, Paige, go to Richard, deal with it so you can help us.

Paige: Okay.

(Paige leaves.)

Phoebe: You, I will help you get your parents back together but it has to be on my terms. Agreed?

Chris: Agreed.

Phoebe: Go get Piper, we could use her help. Uh, I wish that he could orb. (Jinny puts her hands together and blinks. Chris orbs out.) And we need to find a vanquishing potion for that demon.

Jinny: Oh, yes, master.

Phoebe: Phoebe.

Jinny: Yes, master Phoebe.

[Scene: Greg’s apartment. Piper and Greg are sitting on the couch, making out. Chris orbs in outside. He knocks on the door.]

Chris: Piper! Piper!

Piper: Forget it.

Chris: I know you’re in there. Please open the door now.

Piper: Just a sec. (Piper gets up and goes over to the door. Chris continues to knock. She opens the door.) Go away.

Chris: We have an emergency.

(Greg walks over to the door.)

Greg: Is there a problem here?

Chris: Yeah, many problems, many levels. Piper has to come home now.

Greg: Excuse me? Who are you again?

Chris: I’m a friend of her husband’s.

Piper: Ex-husband, and he’s not really a great friend. Um, it’s okay, I got it.

Greg: Well, I’m here if you need me.

(They kiss and Greg walks away. Piper goes out into the hallway with Chris and closes the door behind her.)

Piper: What is this big emergency? Can’t it wait and hour or two?

Chris: No, it can’t. There’s a demon on the loose, a Genie running a muck, and it took me two wishes to get here.

Piper: You can’t make wishes with Genies.

Chris: See, we need you. Come on, let’s orb.

(He grabs her hand.)

Piper: No, no, no. Listen. I am not gonna leave him high and dry again without an explanation. So your demon can wait five minutes.

(She goes back inside.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Arabia. Cave. Bosk is there.]

Bosk: Open sesame.

(A door opens in the cave wall. He walks through, going into another cave where there are thieves and treasure.)

Thieve: What happened?

Bosk: The Genie was stolen, thanks to your warriors.

Thieve: They were my two best swordsmen.

Bosk: Yeah, well swords don’t work real well against potions. What the hell are witches doing all the way out here?

Thieve: We have defences against their type. (The thieve picks up a pendant necklace.) The eye of Aghbar. It protects against witches magic.

Bosk: I need that Genie. All this work for nothing if we don’t get her back.

Thieve: I’ll gather my warriors, all my warriors.

Bosk: No. No, you and your men, you keep digging. I’ve got to find out where Zanbar’s buried before I wish for its return. I can’t risk another demon beating me to the throne.

Thieve: As you wish.

[Scene: Richard’s House. Paige is there walking through the rooms.]

Paige: Richard? Richard.

(Richard suddenly appears behind Paige.)

Richard: You like your earrings?

(Paige gets a fright.)

Paige: Oh, you’re materialising now.

Richard: Yeah. Pretty handy, huh? So, uh, you like your earrings?

Paige: Yeah, there’s a bit of a problem.

Richard: They’re too small? No, they’re too big. I can shrink them. Let’s see, um…

Paige: No, that’s not the problem. I just, you’ve given me enough.

Richard: I’m just trying to make you happy. I want you to know that I care.

Paige: What would make me really happy is if you just stopped with all the potions and all the magic, just for a while.

Richard: Didn’t we have this conversation?

Paige: Yeah, but apparently only one of us was listening.

Richard: No, I was listening. I mean, that’s why I’m doing this, to prove that I can handle it. I’m not turning into a dark beast, right?

Paige: But that’s not the point.

Richard: Most women would thank a guy for that, but you’re treating me like a common criminal.

Paige: Well, I guess I’m not most women.

Richard: I gotta go. Hope you like the earrings.

(He walks off.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Jinny are there. Jinny is looking through the Book of Shadows.]

Jinny: He was my master once. And him too. And her.

Phoebe: Boy, you sure got around. How did so many demons get a hold of you, anyway?

Jinny: Some bought, some stole. I changed town so many times I lost track.

Phoebe: I’m sorry I can’t set you free. But wishing is just too risky right now.

(Piper and Chris orb in.)

Piper: Okay, let’s go. Greg’s not gonna wait forever.

Chris: Well, then you should dump him.

Piper: What is that supposed to mean?

Phoebe: He’s just being over protective.

Piper: I take it you’re the Genie.

Jinny: Jinny.

Phoebe: Jinny the Genie.

Piper: Of course. Who’s the demon?

Chris: Uh. (Chris goes over to the Book of Shadows and looks at the page on Bosk.) He’s a low level demon with minimal powers. There’s a vanquishing potion.

Phoebe: Yeah, that’s what I’m working on.

Piper: Good. Then you’re almost done with me too. Okay, so what you’re planning is summon him to us?

Phoebe: Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.

Chris: What’s the rush?

Piper: Well, not that it’s any of your business but Greg’s shift starts in a few hours and I won’t see him for three days. So I’m gonna go call him and I’d put the Genie back in the bottle just to be safe. No offence, but we’ve been burned before.

(Piper leaves the room.)

Phoebe: Do you mind?

Jinny: Yes, master.

(Jinny is sucked into the bottle.)

Phoebe: I feel so bad.

Chris: As well you should. If we don’t do something soon, I can end up half fireman instead of half Whitelighter.

Phoebe: Oh, for goodness sake.

Chris: Look, I’m running out of time here. So what do you say we get to use that Genie to make mum and dad… you know.

Phoebe: That’s vile. And against the rules. I would think you wouldn’t want to be conceived that way.

Chris: Well, beats not being conceived at all.

Phoebe: Look, I told you I would help you on my terms, okay? So back off.

Chris: What are your terms?

Phoebe: Hmm, not really sure yet. But I am done with this potion. As soon as Piper gets back we are ready to go.

(Bosk comes crashing through the window on his flying carpet, knocking Chris to the floor. Phoebe throws the potion at Bosk but the pendent around his neck blocks it.)

Bosk: Not this time, witch.

Phoebe: Jinny, I wish you free!

(Pink smoke escapes out of the bottle and Jinny appears wearing black clothes.)

Jinny: Well, it’s about time. Who’s the master now?

(Jinny throws a fireball at Bosk and vanquishes him. Piper walks in. Jinny reaches for the bottle.)

Piper: Chris.

(Chris holds out his hand and the bottle flies into it. Piper tries to blow Jinny up but Jinny ducks. Jinny jumps on the flying carpet and it flies out the window. Chris gets up.)

Chris: Where’s Phoebe?

Phoebe’s Voice: Here. In here! (Chris looks in the bottle and sees Phoebe dressed in a blue Genie costume.) Hello, master.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Chris are there. Piper is looking in the bottle.]

Piper: Will you come out of there, please?

Phoebe: I can’t. I don’t know how. Try commanding me.

Piper: Uh, okay. Get the hell outta there.

Phoebe: No, not you. My master.

(Piper walks away and Chris looks in the bottle.)

Chris: You mean me?

Phoebe: Well, yeah, you did pick up the bottle, didn’t you?

Chris: Alright, get out of the bottle. I command you.

(Blue smoke rises out of the bottle and Phoebe appears. Piper laughs.)

Piper: You look ridiculous.

Phoebe: I feel ridiculous.

Piper: How am I supposed to get back to Greg now with this?

Phoebe: Is that all you care about? Would you look at me. I am trapped in pantaloons right now. Where is the mirror? (She walks over to the mirror.) Oh, and why do I always get stuck with the wig?

Piper: Trust me, you don’t. Leo!

Chris: Have you ever noticed that Leo is the first person you call in your time of need?

(Leo orbs in.)

Leo: Uh-oh.

Phoebe: Yeah, right, uh-oh.

Piper: I still can’t believe you made a wish with a Genie. You know better than that.

Phoebe: I thought she was an innocent. How was I to know that I was gonna unleash a demon.

(Leo picks up the bottle.)

Leo: It says so right here.

Phoebe: Oh, right, right there in Arabic.

Piper: There’s a warning label on the Genie bottle?

Leo: Yeah. An ancient sorcerer condemned a demon into the bottle for not marrying him. It says whoever tried to free her they have to switch places with her. Missed a big one here, bud.

Chris: You wanna pin this on me?

Phoebe: Leo, it’s not his fault, it’s my fault.

Piper: How come your empathy thing didn’t give her away?

Phoebe: She tricked me and obviously the book too.

Chris: Let’s just figure out a way to fix this, okay?

Leo: Well, the only way to fix it is to get the demon to wish Phoebe free, reverse the magic.

Phoebe: That’s what we need to do then.

Piper: I’ll call Paige.

Phoebe: Yes. I do believe the element of surprise is very important here.

Chris: You sure? Because we could always take our time with this plan, you know, keep Piper around just a little bit longer.

Phoebe: Yes, master.

Chris: Good, I’m glad you agree.

Phoebe: Actually, I don’t agree, but I-I can’t… How am I supposed to take charge and take commands all at the same time?

Leo: Well, you won’t have to. Chris is coming back up there with me. The Elders have agreed to send him back to his time.

Chris: What?

Phoebe: You don’t know what you’re doing here, Leo.

Leo: You don’t belong here. And as your Whitelighter he’s doing more harm than good.

Chris: You’re so full of it. This isn’t about me being a bad Whitelighter, it’s about you feeling like I’ve let you down somehow. So whatever issues you might have with me, I wish you would just get over it already. (Phoebe puts her hands together and blinks.) Leo?

(Leo laughs.)

Leo: Of course I forgive you, man. You don’t have to yell. All you gotta do is ask.

Chris: I did?

Leo: Yeah. And listen, with all that whole going back to the future thing, you know, don’t even worry about it because I’ll talk to the other Elders and we’re gonna work it all out, okay? It’s no big deal, okay? Come on, give me a hug.

(Leo hugs Chris.)

[Scene: Richard’s house. Paige is there talking on the phone.]

Paige: What do you mean she didn’t read the warning label?

Piper’s Voice: I’ll explain later. The bottom line is we need you home now.

Paige: Well, I can’t. I’m kind of in the middle of saving Richard right now. (She looks over at Richard’s relatives, dead and alive, sitting in the living room.) I’ll be right with you. (to Piper) I took Phoebe’s advice, I got his family here.

Piper: I thought most of his relatives are dead.

Paige: Uh-huh, they are.

Piper: You’re holding a magical intervention with ghosts?

Paige: Well, I thought about and I realised that one of Richard’s problems is that he’s got no family here. He’s got no support system. So the burden of helping him has kind of fallen on me.

Piper: Okay, fine. Hey, maybe since you have all those ghosts there, you can get one to help us out when you’re done.

Paige: Help us do what?

(Richard walks in.)

Richard: What’s going on here?

Paige: Uh, I’ll call you back.

(Paige hangs up.)

Richard: What are they doing here?

Paige: Your family is here because they care about you. They’ve seen what happens to you when you use magic and I don’t want it to happen again.

Richard: You summoned them?

Steve: We’re here because we want to be here. We need you to listen to us.

Richard: This is crazy. This is an intervention, right? I’m getting outta here.

(Richard starts to leave.)

Paige: Richard, wait.

Richard: After everything I’ve done, this is how you thank me? By embarrassing me in front of my family?

(The spirits disappear.)

Paige: Look, if you keep doing this, something bad is going to happen, something terrible. I can feel it.

Steve: She’s right, Richard. Our family, they died because of the magic, I can’t let yourself end up like that.

Paige: I can make you a power stripping potion. It’ll turn you back into yourself. Just let me help you.

(Richard disappears.)

Steve: What do we do now?

[Scene: Arabia. Cave. Jinny vanquishes one of the thieves.]

Jinny: Anyone else have a problem taking orders from an ex-Genie?

Thieve #1: We are at your service, my queen.

Jinny: Hmm, queen. I like the sound of that. Every queen deserves an empire. Have you found the location of the lost city yet?

Thieve #1: We believe we’ve discovered the site.

Jinny: Very good. Now all I need is that bottle. Gather your best fighters. We’re going on a witch hunt.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo is there writing a letter. Chris walks in.]

Chris: Hey, Piper says they’re ready for those crystals. Genie Phoebe’s getting on her last nerves down there. What are you doing?

Leo: Writing you an apology. I just, I can’t seem to get it right.

Chris: Leo, come on, man, you don’t need to do that.

Leo: No, I know I don’t need to but I want to. It feels good to forgive.

Chris: Yeah, why don’t you just hold onto that feeling, okay? We’ve gotta go help the sisters.

Leo: Alright, well, in a minute. This is just as important. “Dear Chris…”

Chris: Alright, alright, enough already. You said you’re sorry, let’s just not go overboard.

Leo: Okay, but after everything I’ve put you through, I feel like I owe it to you.

Chris: Honestly, a letter’s not gonna mean a hell of a lot to me. I got plenty of them growing up.

Leo: I’m sorry.

Chris: Uh, from my father. He wasn’t around much.

Leo: That’s awful. You wanna talk about it?

Chris: No. What I want for you is to grab the crystals and go downstairs to where Piper is. Do you remember her?

Leo: Sure. But right now I’m a little more concerned about you. You seem a little stressed.

Chris: Yeah, you’re damn right I’m stressed. I’m concerned about you two. You two need to get back together already. Any chance that’s gonna happen?

Leo: I don’t think so. But thanks for caring, man. It means a lot.

Chris: Wait. You still love her, I know you do. How could you just throw that away?

Leo: It’s a little personal don’t you think?

Chris: More than you know. Look, are you telling me that there is no chance that you and Piper are gonna hook up in let’s say, I don’t know, the next couple of weeks?

Leo: Actually, yeah, that’s what I’m saying. We’ve both moved on, and nothing short of a miracle can make that happen.

[Cut to the conservatory. Piper and Phoebe are there. Piper is writing a spell. Phoebe looks over her shoulder.]

Phoebe: Uh-uh-uh, the wording’s not quite right there. Jinny is an upper-level demon.

Piper: Hey, I don’t need a bossy Genie on my back. I’m giving up a lot to be here. I’ll write the vanquishing spell the way I want.

Phoebe: You should invoke the name of…

Piper: Do I need to call Chris to shut you up?

Phoebe: You wouldn’t.

Piper: Keep pushing me. (Paige orbs in.) Back so soon?

Paige: Yeah, the intervention was a complete train wreck. Richard wouldn’t listen to anyone.

Phoebe: Oh, Paige, I’m so sorry. (Paige laughs.) You’re laughing at me? I’m trying to be sympathetic and you’re laughing at me.

Paige: I’m sorry. Maybe I needed a laugh after what I just went through.

Phoebe: Yeah, it’s okay. Is there anything I can do?

Paige: Yeah, but don’t you need to go help Major Nelson?

(Piper and Paige laugh. Phoebe isn’t impressed.)

Piper: What? It’s funny, this is kinda funny.

Phoebe: Let’s just finish the spell, okay?

Piper: Alright, hey, I want this done just as badly as you do. Did you find us a ghost?

Paige: Yeah, I got us Richard’s dad. He’s hanging out in limbo waiting for my call. Why do we need a ghost?

Piper: Well, once we capture Jinny, he can possess her and force her to wish Phoebe free.

(Leo and Chris walk in, chuckling. Leo is holding a box.)

Leo: Here’s those crystals you wanted.

(He puts them on the table.)

Paige: You guys sure are chummy.

Leo: Yeah, I had a change of heart. Decided to let bygones be bygones.

Piper: Really?

Phoebe: Guys, there’s something I have to tell you.

Chris: Ah, after we talk in the kitchen.

Phoebe: But…

Chris: Phoebe. (He holds up the bottle. Phoebe disappears into it.) Now that was cool. If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna have a little one on one with the help.

(Chris leaves the room.)

Piper: What’s he hiding now?

(The doorbell rings.)

Paige: I’ll get it.

(Paige leaves the room.)

Leo: You know, Chris is a hell of a guy. You too should give him a chance once in a while.

[Cut to the foyer. Paige opens the door. Richard stands there.]

Richard: Hey.

Paige: Richard. What are you doing here?

Richard: I, uh, came to apologise.

(A bunch of roses appears in his arms.)

[Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe and Chris are there.]

Phoebe: You wanna make them do what?

Chris: We finally got dad in a good mood and mum, she’s still sexed up from the fireman. This is the perfect time to hit them with the whammy.

Phoebe: No, we are not going to make Piper and Leo sleep together, okay? We’re gonna do this my way, mister.

Chris: Master.

Phoebe: Oh, you know what? Listen to me.

Chris: I’m sorry, Phoebe, but I’m running out of time here. A guy’s gotta survive. I wish for Piper and Leo to sleep together tonight.

Phoebe: I’m not…

(Phoebe puts her hands together and blinks. They hear a loud thud come from the other room.)

Chris: What was that? (Phoebe and Chris rush into the conservatory. They see Piper and Leo fast asleep on the floor.) Oh, no. They’re sleeping. You tricked me.

Phoebe: No, you made me wish for them to sleep together. And they’re sleeping together.

Chris: This is a mess. I’ve only got one more wish to sort this thing out, so if you don’t mind…

(He holds up the bottle.)

Phoebe: Oh, no, actually I do mind because Jinny could be here at any moment.

Chris: You know what? I’ll summon you when she does. I command you back into the bottle.

Phoebe: When I get out this…

(She disappears into the bottle.)

[Cut to the foyer.]

Richard: You’re gonna break up with me over some flowers?

Paige: Look, I’m sorry. It’s me or magic. You just have to choose one.

Richard: You can’t give me that kind of choice.

Paige: I just did.

Richard: You wanna talk about dependencies, why are you always running off to be with your sisters?

(They hear a crash in the conservatory.)

Chris: Ow!

Paige: Wait here.

[Cut to the conservatory. Chris is thrown across the room by one of the thieves. He drops the bottle. The thieve pulls out his sword. Paige runs in. Chris stands up.]

Chris: Mind the bottle, Phoebe’s inside.

(The thieve charges for Chris and they fight. Paige heads for the bottle and another thieve attacks her. She orbs out and orbs back in behind him.)

Paige: Sword! (His sword orbs into Paige’s hand and she stabs him, vanquishing him. Jinny shimmers in and heads for the bottle. Richard walks in and sends her flying across the room. Paige stabs the other thieve with the sword and vanquishes him.) Crystals! (The crystals in the box orbs out.) Circle! (The crystals orb back in making a circle around Jinny.) Got her.

(Jinny tries to walk but the crystals zap her.)

Chris: Where’s the bottle?

(They turn around to see Richard holding the bottle.)

Paige: Richard.

(Richard disappears with the bottle.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Paige and Jinny are there.]

Jinny: You think these crystals can hold me?

(She reaches out and the crystals zap her.)

Paige: Nope, not for long. That’s why we’re putting you back in your bottle.

Jinny: When I form my empire, the first thing I’m gonna do is rid the world of witches.

Paige: Oh, yeah? Well, when you’re back in your bottle, the first thing I’m gonna do is put you in the microwave. Ha ha. How do you like that?

[Cut to the living room. Piper, Leo and Chris are there. Piper and Leo are asleep next to each other on the couch. Chris covers them with a blanket. Paige walks in.]

Paige: Think she can scare me. They’re still asleep? Have you tried smelling salts?

Chris: It won’t work, trust me.

Paige: What’s wrong with them?

Chris: It’s a long story.

Paige: I don’t know, why don’t you give me the cliff notes version. Come on, Chris. You and Leo and Phoebe have all been acting weird since before the demon attacked. What is going on?

Chris: Alright, I made a little wish.

Paige: You did what?

Chris: Two little wishes.

Paige: Oh, great. It’s not bad enough I have to worry about Richard, now I have to worry about you too. What did you wish for?

Chris: For Leo to forgive me, which by the way was an accident.

Paige: And?

Chris: For Piper and Leo to sleep together.

Paige: You! Oh my god, you are sick! What is wrong with you? You’re disgusting!

Chris: No…

Paige: You are some creepy registered sex offender from the future.

Chris: No, no, no…

Paige: Oh my god, you are so gross.

Chris: I’m Piper and Leo’s son.

Paige: What?

Chris: They’re my parents. I came back to save my family.

Paige: You’re serious.

Chris: Yeah. Only now I’ve gotta save myself. Because if my mum doesn’t get pregnant in the next month, there is no me.

Paige: This is all so wrong. And this has been such a long day.

Chris: Look, I’m gonna orb over to Richard’s, okay, and grab the bottle.

Paige: No, you can’t. He’s, uh, he’s crazy right now, he might hurt you, okay? I need to strip him of his powers. It’s a whole thing.

Chris: Well, how’s that gonna help?

Paige: Well, he’s been corrupted by magic and if I don’t strip him of his powers, I might not be able to save him. Who else knows about this?

Chris: About me? Just Phoebe.

Paige: Alright, you watch Jinny, I’m gonna go make this potion, okay?

Chris: Okay.

[Scene: Richard’s house. Richard is there. The bottle is sitting on a table. Phoebe is inside the bottle running from side to side, trying to tip the bottle over.]

Phoebe: Come on, come on. (The bottle tips over and Phoebe escapes out of the bottle.) Oh, thank god. I thought a demon got me. Why didn’t you let me out?

Richard: I’m not ready for you yet.

Phoebe: Hey, we’re in the black magic vault. Um, is there a phone around because I’d really love to call Paige and just check in.

Richard: No, you’re not. I know I’ve got a book of wishes around here somewhere.

(Richard looks through some drawers.)

Phoebe: Wishes?

Richard: Yeah. Gotta get the wording right.

Phoebe: Yeah, maybe you should just wish for sleep because I’m really good at that wish.

Richard: Look, I just want Paige to accept me the way I am with magic. It’s the only way we’ll work.

Phoebe: I don’t think magic is the answer to your problems, I think it’s the cause of your problems.

Richard: Got you brainwashed too. I’m gonna have to cast a spell on the entire family. Uh-huh. Here it is. (Paige orbs in.) Paige, I told you. Don’t orb in and surprise me.

Phoebe: He’s not himself right now.

Paige: How come you didn’t tell me Chris was my nephew?

Phoebe: Yeah, maybe we could talk about that later because your boyfriend’s about to whoo-whoo!

Richard: Look, I’m fine, alright? I just need to do some reading. I’ll call you when I’m ready.

Paige: This is for your own good.

(Paige throws a potion at Richard and he uses telekinesis to send the potion and Paige flying.)

Phoebe: Paige!

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Jinny is there with her eyes closed and her hands held out in front of herself. The doorbell rings.]

[Cut to the foyer. Chris answers the door. Greg is standing there.]

Chris: Aren’t you supposed to be at work or something?

Greg: I’m on a break. I came to surprise Piper.

Chris: Oh. Little booty call, huh?

Greg: Is she here?

Chris: No, sorry, she’s sleeping.

(Chris starts to close the door but Greg stops him.)

Greg: I don’t believe you.

Chris: Okay, see for yourself. (Greg walks in and looks in the living room. He sees Piper and Leo asleep on the couch. Chris waves his hand and Piper falls closer to Leo, and Leo’s hand falls on her shoulder.) Do you want me to tell her you stopped by?

Greg: Uh, no, that won’t be necessary.

(Greg leaves.)

[Cut to the conservatory. The flying carpet creeps under the door and flies over to Jinny. The carpet hits the crystal shield and gets zapped. Jinny steps out of the crystal circle.]

[Cut to the foyer. Chris closes the front door.]

Chris: Sorry, mum, it’s for the best.

(Chris walks into the living room. Jinny is there holding a fireball.)

Jinny: Take me to the bottle.

[Cut to Richard’s house. Richard helps Paige up.]

Richard: Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.

Paige: It’s okay. It’s fine.

Richard: I’ll make it up to you.

Phoebe: No, no, no, not that way.

Paige: No more wishes.

Richard: No, no, it’s okay. It’s not for me. Phoebe, I wish you free. (A blue tornado of wind surrounds Phoebe, rises up and then surrounds Richard. It disappears.) Uh, what is this?

(Chris orbs in with Jinny.)

Phoebe: What are you doing here?

(Jinny throws a fireball at them and they duck. Chris attacks Jinny and she grabs his arm and throws him across the room. Jinny picks up the bottle.)

Jinny: Genie, I wish the Charmed Ones dead.

(Richard puts his hands together and nods his head. The girls fall to the floor, dead.)

Chris: No!

(Chris runs to their side.)

Jinny: Now, into the bottle. (Richard is sucked into the bottle.) My condolences.

(Jinny disappears.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Richard’s house. Chris is kneeling beside Phoebe and Paige.]

Chris: No. You can’t be dead yet. It’s not your time. I know it’s not your time. (Phoebe and Paige’s spirits float out of their body.) I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, this is all my fault. She was gonna kill mum and dad.

[Cut to the manor. Living room. Piper and Leo are still asleep on the couch. Piper’s spirit floats out of her body.]

Piper: Oh, no. Leo, wake up. (Leo stirs and a glowing light from his hand heals Piper.) But how…

(Piper’s spirit floats back into her body.)

[Cut to Richard’s house.]

Phoebe: Hey, Chris, we’re not moving on.

Paige: Why aren’t we moving on?

Chris: Who cares? You’re still here.

Paige: Got any unfinished business?

Phoebe: No. You?

Paige: Yeah, now that you mention it, it would have been nice to find out I had another nephew before I died.

Phoebe: I was gonna tell you but I just didn’t get a chance.

Chris: Guys we can fix this. We can reverse the magic. All we need to do is get the bottle.

Phoebe: That’s true, we’re ghosts, we can possess Jinny. Where is Jinny?

Paige: Well, she was planning to conjure the lost city.

Phoebe: Don’t worry, we’re gonna take care of this. Should we go check on Piper first?

Chris: No, no, no. Piper’s fine. I mean, she has to be, right? If she was dead, I would have vanished.

Paige: How do we reach Jinny?

Chris: You’re ghosts, you can haunt anybody you want. You should concentrate and it should wisp you right to her. (Phoebe and Paige close their eyes and they vanish.) Wait for me!

[Cut to Arabia. Jinny and thieves walk over to a two-headed animal skeleton laying in the sand.]

Jinny: You sure this is the site?

Thieve: One of the hounds of the Zanbar. They guarded the city for the Sultan.

Jinny: I could use a few of those myself. (to the bottle) You ready in there? I wish to resurrect the lost city of Zanbar. (A huge Arabian city rises out of the desert sands.) Finders, keepers.

Paige: I wouldn’t unpack just now if I were you.

(They turn around to see ghost Phoebe, ghost Paige and Chris standing there.)

Jinny: Why haven’t you moved on? You’re dead.

Phoebe: So are you.

(Phoebe’s spirit jumps into Jinny’s body. One of the thieves runs towards Chris and Chris throws him across the room. The other two thieves pull out their swords and runs towards them.)

Paige: Watch out.

Chris: Phoebe, a little help here.

(Phoebe/Jinny throws a fireball at both the thieves, vanquishing them.)

Phoebe/Jinny: I think I’ve got control of the body.

(Chris grabs a sword and stabs the last thief, vanquishing him.)

Paige: Okay, all clear.

(Phoebe/Jinny picks up the bottle.)

Phoebe/Jinny: Richard, I wish you free.

(Phoebe’s spirit exits Jinny’s body. Jinny is sucked into the bottle and Richard appears in her place.)

Paige: Hi, honey.

Jinny: Let me out of here!

Richard: I wish the Charmed Ones alive again.

Jinny: Yes, master.

(Phoebe and Paige’s spirit vanishes.)

Chris: You okay?

Richard: Take this, get it out of my site.

Chris: Sure. Could you get rid of that thing first?

Richard: Yeah. No problem.

[Scene: Richard’s house. Living room. Richard is there holding a potion vial. Paige walks in.]

Paige: Hey. What’s going on?

Richard: Just thinking.

Paige: Oh, yeah? What about?

Richard: Everything. I mean, sometimes it feels like my life’s just one big disaster after the next, you know? Like right from the start, being born into this stupid feud, all that family hatred. I mean, it’s amazing I’ve gone this far without ending up like one of them.

Paige: Well, Richard, you have. That’s what’s important, right? You are here for a reason, for a purpose, you just have to figure out what it is.

Richard: How can you have so much faith, Paige. I mean, with everything out there, all the evil.

Paige: Well, that’s because I don’t see all the evil, I see all the good too. Especially in you.

Richard: Sometimes I’m not sure.

Paige: I am.

Richard: Well, I hope you’re right because I’m giving up a lot… to see it too. My whole life I’ve had powers and magic and even if I didn’t use it, it was just apart of me. And now, uh, it’s kind of scary to think I’m gonna be losing it, and losing you too.

Paige: Well, you have to take care of yourself first, right? And as long as I’m around and bringing magic into your life, you won’t be able to.

Richard: I know.

Paige: Have you taken the power stripping potion yet?

(Richard tips the vial upside down to show it’s empty. Tears fall from Paige’s eyes.)

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe and Chris are there. The grandfather clock chimes.]

Chris: They’re not waking up. How come they’re not waking up?

Phoebe: Would you relax?

Chris: Relax? I’m sorry, did you say relax? Because I’m about to disappear, vanish forever, cease to exist.

Phoebe: Oh my god, you’re so dramatic. (Piper and Leo wake up.) Hey, are you okay?

(Piper quickly pulls away from Leo.)

Piper: I think so. Wh-wh-what are you doing?

Leo: Uh, I don’t know, I swear. (Leo stands up.) What’s going on?

Phoebe: Arabic sleeping potion. Very strong, not good.

Piper: You mean Jinny did this?

Phoebe: Who else?

Piper: Well, we’ve gotta stop her.

Phoebe: We already did while you were sleeping. She’s back in the bottle.

(Chris picks up the bottle.)

Chris: Which we were sort of hoping you could take care of for us.

(He gives Leo the bottle.)

Leo: So that’s it? It’s all over?

Chris: Pretty much. I mean, you still forgive me, right?

Leo: Of course.

Chris: Good.

Phoebe: I still wanna know why we all didn’t die. What? I’m curious.

Chris: Oh, sure, you don’t mind them knowing that they almost died but not that… Never mind.

Piper: What are you talking about?

Phoebe: Jinny made a wish for the Charmed Ones to die and we almost did, but then we turned into ghosts and…

Piper: Huh. So that wasn’t a dream I had. I was floating over my body looking down at me and then, uh, you healed me.

Leo: I did?

Piper: Yeah. I called to you when you were sleeping and somehow you must have heard me and you wouldn’t let me go.

Chris: Well, then that must be the reason why Phoebe and Paige’s spirits didn’t move on. See the wish was for all the Charmed Ones to die, so saving you must have saved them.

Piper: That was really sweet of you.

Leo: Any time. So you wanna go with me to get Wyatt?

Piper: Sure.

(Leo orbs out with Piper.)

Chris: Wait, wh… What about me?

Phoebe: I wouldn’t give up. There may be hope for you yet.