Written by: Monica Breen & Alison Schapker
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick
Season 5, Episode 14
Episode Number: 102
[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Piper and Leo are there snuggling on the couch, in their pyjamas. Leo sits up.]
Leo: I think I’m gonna go up to bed.
Piper: Oh, well, do you want some company?
Leo: Well, I’m really tired. I think I just need to get some sleep. (He leans in to give Piper a kiss but instead, kisses her stomach.) Good night, little one.
(Leo gets up and goes upstairs.)
Man: I would be glad to keep you company.
(Piper turns to see a handsome man standing in the living room. She stands up.)
Piper: What are you doing here?
(The man walks over to her.)
Man: I’m, uh, sweeping you off your feet.
Piper: No, I can’t.
Man: All I see is you.
(There’s a flash of light and Piper is now dressed in a beautiful gown. She’s also not pregnant.)
Piper: No, Ryder, please, this isn’t right. I’m married.
Ryder: Not in your dreams, you’re not.
(He starts kissing her neck.)
[Cut to Piper’s Bedroom. Piper and Leo are asleep in bed. A transparent, glowing elderly man “The Sandman” leans over them and sprinkles gold dust on Leo.]
[Flash to the stairway. Leo is walking down the stairs carrying a newborn baby.]
Leo: I could just hold you forever. (Suddenly, the baby vanishes from his arms. He panics.) Where’s my baby? (He runs down the stairs and searches the house.) Where are you?
[Flash to Piper’s room. Piper and Leo are asleep in bed. The Sandman walks through the wall.]
[Cut to Paige’s room. Paige is in bed asleep. The Sandman appears through the wall and sprinkles gold dust onto Paige. Her nose twitches.]
[Flash to P3. A baby shower is taking place. Women are standing around a cradle holding gifts. Paige walks in carrying a toy clown. All the women drop their gifts and leave P3.]
Paige: But wait, you haven’t even seen the baby yet.
(The creepy toy clown starts to talk.)
Clown: What’d you expect? They don’t care about the kid. Nobody does.
(The clown laughs.)
[Flash to Paige’s bedroom. Paige is asleep in bed. The Sandman walks through the wall.]
[Cut to Phoebe’s bedroom. Phoebe is asleep in bed. The Sandman walks in through the wall. He sprinkles gold dust onto Phoebe.]
[Flash to the basement. Phoebe walks down the stairs. She looks around, frightened. Suddenly, a person wearing a hockey mask and holding a chainsaw walks out of the shadows. He starts up the chainsaw and Phoebe screams.]
[Flash to a campground. Phoebe appears there. The Sandman and a Tracer Demon is there.]
Sandman: No, please don’t!
(The Tracer Demon zaps The Sandman and he turns into gold dust.)
[Flash to Phoebe’s bedroom. Phoebe gasps and wakes up with a jolt. She notices The Sandman beside her, holding her hand. She pulls it away.]
Sandman: Help me. This is not a dream.
(The Sandman disappears.)
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. The room is covered in balloons and streamers. Paige is standing on top of a ladder reaching up to stick the end of a streamer onto the ceiling. It slips from her hands and falls to the floor. Paige sighs and turns to Leo who is fiddling around with a cabinet door.]
Paige: Leo, a hand here?
Leo: My hands are full.
Paige: The shower is in two days. Your kid’s not gonna be opening cabinets for another year.
Leo: Tell that to Aunt Phoebe. She gave me a book. One thousand unexpected dangers for babies. Easy opening cabinets, number thirty-two.
Paige: Alright, you leave me no choice. Streamer.
(The end of the streamer orbs into her hand.)
Leo: Magic for personal gain.
Paige: It’s not for me, it’s for my niece. (She gets off the ladder.) Besides, I seem to be the only aunt who cares about this shower.
Leo: Phoebe cares, she’s just preoccupied.
Paige: Oh, really? I’d say she skipped straight from preoccupied to paranoid.
Leo: You’re exaggerating.
Paige: Am I? Yesterday a balloon exploded and she stormed down here with a vanquishing potion. (She picks up her clown doll.) She almost blew up old Slappy here.
Leo: I think it’s the recurring nightmares she’s having. It’s just making her a little jumpy.
Paige: Really? God, you’d think with the Cole-free future she’d be dreaming nothing but happy, happy.
Leo: You’d think.
Paige: Yeah, if I let my recurring dreams affect my waking life, I’d never get out of bed. Much less throw a fabulous shower like this.
Leo: Why not?
Paige: I don’t know, I’ve been having this recurring dream lately and I’m at P3, and as soon as I get up to the baby, everybody just disappears.
Leo: Sounds like you and me have baby on the brain. All I can think of lately is just holding her.
(Piper walks in.)
Piper: Where is the man of my dreams?
(Leo laughs and kisses her on the cheek. He touches her bulging stomach.)
Leo: Speaking of my little one.
(Paige blows up another balloon.)
Piper: Well, alright, Beth Orton is playing at the club, I guess I’ll get back to work.
(Piper turns to leave.)
Paige: Hey! You notice anything?
Piper: Ooh, I have noticed that subtlety is not your forte.
Paige: You don’t like it?
Piper: Well, I liked it, you know, fifteen streamers and twenty balloons ago.
Paige: Nothing is too good for my future niece.
Piper: Clearly. Ooh. (She puts her hand on her stomach.) I am so gonna be a soccer mum. This kid has one mean kick.
Leo: I wanna feel a kick.
(Leo goes over and touches her stomach.)
Piper: Well, honey, unless you’re a bladder or a kidney, you’re not gonna feel it because she’s kicking the inside.
Leo: I never get to feel her kick.
Piper: Count your blessings.
Leo: I’m being summoned.
Paige: Is it the Elders?
Leo: No, it’s not the Elders. It’s Phoebe.
(He orbs out.)
[Cut to the attic. Phoebe is there flipping through the Book of Shadows. Leo orbs in.]
Leo: What is it?
(Phoebe jumps and screams.)
Phoebe: Leo, do not sneak up on me like that.
Leo: I wasn’t sneaking and you called me.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, right. Okay, what do you know about Tracer Demons?
Leo: Uh, lower level, mercenaries, able to track magical beings through different dimensions. Why?
Phoebe: Because one was in my dream last night, that’s why.
Leo: The guy behind the mask?
Phoebe: No, this one wasn’t the chainsaw guy, he’s still a mystery to me. It was something weirder, different. I was running away from him in the basement, right, that same guy, and then all of a sudden I was in the woods where I used to camp.
Leo: You were in the past?
Phoebe: No, it was the present. There was this weird creature standing there holding some kind of satchel, and then the demon killed him.
Leo: Sounds like your recurring dream is getting more complicated.
Phoebe: Yeah, except I think it was a premonition.
Leo: A premonition during a dream?
Phoebe: Yeah, why not? It’s happened before.
Leo: Phoebe, you’ve probably flipped past this drawing a hundred times and you said the camp was from your childhood, so chances are…
Phoebe: Leo, I know what a premonition feels like, okay. Besides, when I woke up, the creature was standing in my bedroom begging me to help him.
Leo: You sure that you weren’t still dreaming?
Phoebe: He said I wasn’t. Then when I found the Tracer Demon in the book, I was sure I wasn’t either.
Leo: What would you like me to do?
Phoebe: Go to the Elders. Find out if it really was a premonition because if it was, I have an innocent to save.
(Leo orbs out.)
[Scene: A wasteland. Dead trees are around the place. A small satchel is hanging from one of the trees. The Tracer Demon walks over to another demon.]
Demon: Precious night gone by. And you come back empty handed.
Tracer Demon: Yeah, but don’t worry, I’ll get him.
Demon: Oh, it’s not me that has to worry, it’s you. You’re the only demon that’s failed me. Everyone else has found their mark.
Tracer Demon: I’ll get him tonight, I promise. I mean, he’s easy to find, he watches over the same people, right?
Demon: I’ll need proof.
Tracer Demon: Yeah, sure, I’ll get it, yeah. Although, just out of curiosity… (He looks at the satchel hanging from the tree.) What is it you do with that stuff? Dream?
(They both laugh and the demon hits the Tracer Demon, sending him flying.)
Demon: Demons don’t dream. But with each one of these I collect, it means more humans won’t either. And without dreams, humans can’t work through their issues while they sleep. Which means those issues spill out into their waking life, turning them angry, evil.
Tracer Demon: I still don’t understand what you get out of it. Not like it’s any of business, of course, but…
Demon: I get respect from the leaders of the Underworld and hopefully rewarded because of it. But if you fail me, I fail them. Understand?
Tracer Demon: Perfectly.
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Elise walks into the main room.]
Elise: Okay, people, let’s begin. Bill, nice job on that hostage stand-off piece yesterday.
Elise: Here’s another one for you today. State Bank in North Beach, shots fired, go.
Bill: Wow, that’s the third time this week.
(He walks away.)
Elise: Some of you guys are gonna have to double up. (She walks over to a woman.) Uh, angry man, ploughs into farmer’s market in his car. (She hands her a piece of paper. She moves over to a man.) Angry woman, attacks school principal with a knife. (She hands him a piece of paper and moves onto another man.) And in sports, angry coach knocks out umpire with a baseball bat.
Phoebe: What the hell is going on out there?
Elise: The city’s going to pot, that’s what’s going on. Bad news for the city, good news for circulation.
Phoebe: It’s strange. Even my readers seem angrier. They keep asking for advice on how to deal with their tempers.
Man: Hey, what are you doing?
Woman: That’s metro! That makes it my story!
Man: It’s mine! She gave it to me!
(They pull on the piece of paper.)
Elise: Hey! Hey! Stop it right now!
Phoebe’s Assistant: Sorry, to interrupt but I got Paige on the phone. You want me to take a message?
Phoebe: No, no, I want to talk to her. (The man and woman continue to fight. Phoebe walks into her office and picks up the phone.) Hey.
Paige: Hey, I can’t decide on a place setting. It’s either, “Baby in the Clouds”, which is a little baby floating on a cloud or “Cozy Bug” a baby bumble bee on a pink flower.
Phoebe: Oh, no, Piper’s allergic to bees, remember?
[Cut to Paige in her car, in a parking lot.]
Paige: You’re right, thank you so much.
Phoebe: Wait, is that the only reason you’re calling?
(A car pulls up behind Paige and the driver honks the horn.)
Paige: Yeah, why?
Phoebe: Well, have you been watching the news lately? It just seems that everyone’s at each other’s throats. I mean, even here. Have you noticed anything weird?
(The driver in the car behind Paige honks the horn again.)
Driver: Back it up, lady!
Paige: You know, now that you mention it, I have seen my share of a certain finger while driving over here.
Phoebe: See, I think something’s up. Something evil, maybe.
Paige: Phoebe, seriously, I think you might need to get some help. You think danger is lurking around every corner.
(The driver beeps the horn again.)
Driver: Come on, lady!
Paige: Lady, it’s my spot. Besides, everybody is odd in San Francisco, that’s why we fit in so well.
Phoebe: Look, I know I’ve been jumpy lately and I’m really trying to deal with it. But just because I’ve been a bit neurotic, maybe, that doesn’t mean I’m not right.
(Suddenly, the driver appears at Paige’s window.)
Driver: Hey! Move it or lose it, lady! I want this space!
(The lady walks away.)
Paige: Maybe you are right.
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper is sitting on the couch, tissue in hand, watching a soap on TV.]
Sienna: (on TV) I never stopped loving you, Ryder. You know that, don’t you?
Ryder: (on TV) I just never thought I’d see you again, Sienna. Not after the yacht explosion.
(On TV, Ryder and Sienna kiss. Phoebe and Paige walk in.)
Phoebe: And he’s standing over me, telling me I’m not dreaming.
Paige: Well, I think you’re crazy. What, now you think this is connected to your dream?
Phoebe: The premonition in my dream. It would be a really big coincidence if it wasn’t, don’t you think?
(Paige walks in front of the TV.)
Piper: Shh! I’ve been waiting for this for weeks, people. (Phoebe turns off the TV. Piper gasps.) No, don’t do that. They’re just getting to the good part.
Phoebe: Well, rent the video, we have work that we have to do.
(Phoebe sits down beside Piper.)
Piper: It is not a video, it is a soap.
Paige: Phoebe thinks that a demon is causing some anger epidemic.
Piper: Give me that remote! Give it.
(Piper tries to get it off Phoebe.)
Phoebe: See! See, point positive here. (Leo orbs in.) Hey, anything?
Leo: Based on what the Elders said, I think that your dream premonition is very real, which means so is the Tracer Demon.
Piper: What Tracer Demon?
Phoebe: And what about the creature? Do they know about the creature?
Piper: What creature?
Leo: Well, they think that it’s a weird assomnio. And if that’s the case, you definitely need to save him.
Paige: A weirdo what?
Leo: Weird assomnio. It’s the original Latin term for a Sandman.
Phoebe: Wait a minute, like, “Sandman, bring me a dream”?
Leo: One and the same. Only there isn’t just one Sandman, there are many of them like angels. They visit good beings during their sleep, sprinkle them with dream dust so they can dream.
Paige: I can’t believe they exist, not that I should be surprised.
Piper: Uh, yeah, but they don’t know what we dream about, do they? I mean, that’s all confidential clearly, isn’t it?
Leo: I don’t know. But I do know they exist on a different plane, which means the only way to find one…
Phoebe: Would be for a Tracer Demon to bring him into our plane.
Leo: And kill him.
Piper: I don’t get it. I mean, why would a demon be interested in killing people’s dream? I mean, they’re just harmless erotic fun.
Paige: Did you say erotic?
(Leo looks at Piper.)
Piper: Exotic. I said exotic.
Paige: Huh, I don’t get exotic dreams, I just get disturbing ones.
Phoebe: Mine are just scary. But that’s how you work through stuff, right? In your dreams?
Phoebe: So I think that’s why everyone’s been crazy. They’re not dealing with their subconscious issues while they’re dreaming.
Piper: I think I got some issues to work out.
Leo: So you said your premonition took place somewhere where you used to camp?
Phoebe: Yeah, North State Campgrounds.
Paige: Alright, lets go.
(Paige heads for the door.)
Piper: And save our dreams.
(Piper struggles to get up.)
Phoebe: Oh, Piper, maybe you should sit this one out.
Piper: Why? Don’t you need me to vanquish the demon?
Phoebe: No, I’ll make a potion. It’s just you’re not moving as swiftly as you used to and we might have to run.
Piper: But… (Phoebe and Leo leave.) Fine, do it yourself.
(She quickly grabs the remote and turns on the TV. Ryder and Sienna are in cuddling in bed.)
Ryder: It’s been so long. I never forgot what it feels like to be in your arms.
Piper: Oh, I missed it!
[Scene: North State Campgrounds. Night time. In a tent. A camper is asleep. The Sandman appears beside the camper and sprinkles gold dust on him. The Sandman walks out of the tent. The Tracer Demon is there waiting.]
Tracer Demon: Did you really think I wouldn’t come back for you?
(The Tracer Demon waves his hand and brings the Sandman to this plane. He is no longer transparent.)
Sandman: Actually, I was counting on it.
(Paige orbs in with Phoebe.)
Tracer Demon: Witches.
(Phoebe races over to the Sandman. Paige throws a potion at the Tracer Demon. He throws an electric bolt at the potion, destroying it. The force pushes Paige backwards onto the ground. The Tracer Demon throws another electric bolt at Phoebe and the Sandman and Phoebe pushes the Sandman out of the way. He throws another which lands at their feet. As they land on the ground, a lot of dream dust escapes from his satchel and lands on Phoebe. Suddenly, the masked chainsaw man materialises near by. Phoebe sits up.)
Paige: Who the hell is that?
(The chainsaw man raises his chainsaw. Paige runs over and orbs out with Phoebe and The Sandman.)
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Paige and The Sandman are there. Phoebe is pacing up and down the room. Paige and The Sandman are sitting on the couch. Paige pokes The Sandman in the arm and he looks at her.]
Paige: I’m sorry, I’m just so surprised that you’re real.
(Piper and Leo walk in carrying four cups of coffee.)
Piper: Okay, this should keep our brains going on zero sleep. Do Sandmen even sleep?
Sandman: Only when our charges are all awake.
Piper: Oh, so basically never.
Phoebe: Okay, can we focus here, because we have a demon to vanquish and a nightmare to deal with.
Paige: And a baby shower to get to. What? I’m just saying.
Leo: Any idea how Phoebe’s nightmare came to life?
Sandman: I don’t know. It’s never happened before. But then, no one’s ever been hit with that much dream dust before either.
Paige: So you think since she OD’d on the stuff he just popped out of her head?
Sandman: Out of her unconscious. But now that he’s out, he’s obviously very real.
Phoebe: Okay, does that mean he’s gonna keep trying to kill me?
Sandman: If that’s what he tries to do in your dreams, yes.
Phoebe: Great, that’s just great. I need to think about this.
(Phoebe leaves the room.)
Piper: So we need to hurry up and find a way to put him back before any of our other dreams spring to life, shall we?
Leo: Dreams like what?
Piper: Never mind.
(The Sandman givers Piper a look.)
Paige: First though, I think we need to stop the Tracer Demon before this whole city turns into one huge nightmare, don’t you think?
Sandman: Yes, but there’s more than one Tracer you have to worry about. There are others out there killing us.
Leo: Which means there must be an upper-level demon behind them, orchestrating the attacks.
Piper: Okay, so we write a summoning spell and we get the Tracer here and we freeze him, and we’ll force him to talk, we’ll vanquish him and his boss, and then The Sandman can go back to keeping dreams where they belong.
Paige: Very impressive. And very fast.
(Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Um, what are we supposed to do about my chainsaw killer?
Piper: Oh, don’t worry about him, we’ll blow him up before he lays a blade on you. (The doorbell rings.) Who is that?
Paige: Oh, that must be Becca and Wendy with the hors d’oeuvres trays. You’re not against parsley are you?
Leo: Get rid of them.
Paige: No, I will not get rid of them. If I get rid of them I’ll have to stop the shower and I’m not doing that.
Piper: Alright, alright, easy, easy. Uh, we’ll go take care of them, you guys go start the summoning spell. Go, go.
(Phoebe, Leo and The Sandman head for the kitchen.)
Paige: Oh, thank you, mother.
Piper: Huh. Come on.
[Scene: A wasteland. The demon pushes the Tracer Demon against a tree. He’s angry.]
Demon: Witches? You lost them to witches?
Tracer Demon: If you’ll just let me speak…
Demon: Do they know about me?
Tracer Demon: No, I swear. I can get to the Sandman before they ever do.
Demon: I’m listening.
Tracer Demon: One of the witches… She got hit with too much dream dust.
(They hear a chainsaw and the demon spins around. They see the chainsaw man standing near by. The demon gets ready to attack the chainsaw man but the Tracer Demons stops him.)
Tracer Demon: No! Wait. Sorry, I assure you he’s no threat to us. Only to the witch who dreamed him up. (to the chainsaw man) You got his attention, you can turn that off now. (The chainsaw man turns off the chainsaw.) That right there is her worst nightmare, literally. And since she’s scared to death of him, I’m thinking… (He walks over to the tree with hanging satchels.) If I could borrow a few of these satchels here, I might be able to make the other witches’ dreams come to life too.
Demon: And how is this supposed to help you fulfil your obligation to me?
Tracer Demon: It’ll distract them long enough for me to kill my mark and collect my bounty. I’d better take a couple extra just in case.
(He takes four satchels and tucks them in his coat pockets. He turns to leave.)
Demon: Excuse me. This better work, otherwise I’m gonna be your worst nightmare.
[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper puts a tray of food down on a chair along with other trays of food.]
Piper: Paige, that’s enough, I want them gone.
Paige: Just relax, Piper.
(Becca walks in carrying another tray of food.)
Becca: The trunk is officially empty.
Piper: Great, so we’re done?
Becca: No, way, there’s the whole back seat.
Piper: Oh, you’re kidding, right?
Becca: Hey, Paige is the one who sent us around to five different stores.
(Wendy walks in carrying four large blue plastic bags.)
Piper: Oh my god!
Wendy: Okay, don’t look in these bags, Piper. You’re not supposed to see the door prizes. (Wendy puts the bags down and notices Slappy sitting on top of a cabinet.) Hey, Becca, I thought we nixed the clown idea.
Piper: Oh, no, relax, that’s just one of Paige’s old toys. Slappy.
Wendy: Oh, good, ’cause clowns are creepy.
Becca: Especially that one.
Piper: Don’t let Paige here you say that.
(Becca puts Slappy face down on the cabinet.)
Becca: That’s better.
Piper: Okay, well, thanks, guys, you know, thanks for everything. You should really go. And we’ll call you if we need any more stuff.
Wendy: Go? Paige wanted us to do all this before the baby shower.
Piper: Yeah, I know, but I’m the one that’s pregnant and I think we’ve reached our limit. In fact, we’ve gone over it, way over it.
Becca: That’s all those crazy hormones talking. Maybe you should lie down and let us take over.
Piper: No, no, I’m fine, really, I’m fine. The only thing crazy around here is the shower-mania, especially when we should be focusing on the de… details, details, like what are we gonna wear and stuff.
Becca: Frankly, Piper, I’m surprised at your attitude. This is all for you.
Piper: Oh, I know, and I’m thrilled, but right now I just need a little peace and quiet. You know, pregnant woman’s prerogative and all.
(She shows them out the door.)
Wendy: If you say so.
Piper: I do. Yeah, okay, thanks.
(She closes the door and sighs.)
[Cut to the attic. Phoebe, Leo and The Sandman are there. Phoebe scrunches up a piece of paper and throws it onto the pile of other scrunched up paper.]
Phoebe: It’s just a stupid summoning spell, I don’t know why I can’t come up with it.
Leo: You need to relax, it’ll come to you.
Phoebe: You know, maybe it’s because I’m not so sure this is a good idea. I mean, what if I bring the Tracer Demon here and it just makes matters worse? What then? He’s surprised us before.
Sandman: That was just luck. He didn’t know your dream would come to life.
Phoebe: Well, it did and unfortunately that’s all I can think about.
Leo: Maybe if you can stop and figure out what it means, you won’t be afraid of it anymore.
Phoebe: Leo, don’t you think if I could do that I would’ve done it by now? I-I vanquish demons everyday, real ones, so some guy from my dreams should be a piece of cake, even with power tools. So why do I run from him? Do you know why?
Sandman: No. I may be made of dreams, but I don’t shape them. Perhaps if you can figure out who was behind the mask. Characters in dreams always symbolise something specific in one’s life, a special person, a certain feeling or pain. Unmask that, de-mystify it, and the character goes away.
Phoebe: I don’t even know where to begin with that. My life is so great now, my marriage from hell is behind me. I don’t know why I would start having nightmares now.
Sandman: Only you can answer that, my dear. In your dreams.
[Cut to the kitchen. Piper and Paige are carrying the trays of food in.]
Piper: Not to sound unappreciative but this is kind of overkill.
Paige: No, this is perfect. Nothing is too good for my future niece.
Piper: Yeah, okay, but Paige, it’s supposed to be a shower, not a coronation.
Paige: Hey, it is not everyday that a half-whitelighter, half-witch is born into this world. We need to celebrate her.
Piper: Okay, but her is not even gonna be here. (She touches her stomach.) Except for the occasional kidney shot. Which makes me wonder if maybe this is a little bit more about you than her.
(Leo walks in.)
Leo: Where are your friends?
Piper: Gone but not forgotten.
Leo: Are they coming back?
Paige: Not till the shower. Why?
Leo: Well, Phoebe’s almost done with the summoning spell so we need to get ready.
(The Tracer Demons appears in the kitchen.)
Tracer Demon: You mean for me?
(He throws two satchels full of dream dust onto Piper and Paige. They fall to the floor, asleep. He zaps Leo with an electric bolt and he crashes through the basement door. The Tracer Demon empties another satchel of dream dust onto Leo and disappears. Piper wakes up and stands up. She’s wearing the evening dress from her dream. She’s no longer pregnant.)
Piper: Oh, no. Oh.
(Ryder materialises in the room wearing a tuxedo.)
Ryder: My love.
Piper: No, how did you get here? (Ryder moves closer to Piper.) Go away. Shh! (He puts his arms around Piper and tries to push him away.) No, shoo, go!
(He kisses her neck and she gasps. Paige wakes up and stands up, rubbing her face.)
Paige: Who are you talking to?
(Suddenly, Slappy the Clown materialises, life-size.)
Slappy: What’s the matter? Don’t you recognise me, honey? It’s Slappy.
(He laughs, evilly. Piper looks down.)
Piper: Where’s my baby?
Leo: Over here.
(Leo struggles to get up. He walks into the kitchen with a very pregnant stomach.)
Paige: Oh my god.
Piper: Oh my god.
Leo: (sees Ryder) Oh my god!
(They hear a chainsaw and Phoebe scream.)
Slappy: Ooh, that didn’t sound good.
[Cut to the attic. Phoebe, The Sandman and the Chainsaw Man is there. Phoebe is holding a coat rack out in front of her.]
Phoebe: Paige! Piper!
(The chainsaw man cuts the coat rack in half.)
Sandman: It’s no use, you can’t fight your own dream.
Phoebe: Wanna bet?
(She stabs the chainsaw man in the chest with the coat rack. He drops his chainsaw and falls to the floor. Phoebe looks at her chest and it’s bleeding in the same spot as the chainsaw man. She drops the coat rack and falls to the floor. The Tracer demon appears in the room.)
Tracer Demon: Would Freud have a field day with this or what?
Piper: (from the hallway) Phoebe, are you alright?
Tracer Demon: Sweet dreams.
(He zaps the Sandman with an electric bolt and he turns to a pile of gold dust. A satchel falls to the floor. The Tracer Demon picks up the satchel and disappears.)
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and the Chainsaw Man is still on the floor. Piper and Leo race in.]
Piper: Phoebe? (Piper kneels beside Phoebe and Leo awkwardly does the same. He starts to heal Phoebe.) What’s taking so long?
Leo: I don’t know.
Piper: He has the same wound?
(Paige runs in.)
Paige: What happened?
Paige: We’re not sure. Did you cage Chuckles?
Paige: Slappy. And yeah, your guy too.
Leo: About that guy…
Piper: A little less bitching, a little more healing, please.
(Leo heals Phoebe completely… and without knowing, heals the chainsaw man as well. They help Phoebe sit up.)
Leo: Easy, easy, are you okay?
Phoebe: Yeah. (She sees Leo’s stomach.) Holy cow, are you okay?
Piper: We all got hit by the dream dust, Pheebs.
Paige: Hey, where’s the Sandman? (They look at the pile of gold dust.) Oh, no.
(The chainsaw man sits up and grabs his chainsaw. He stands up and tries to start it. Everyone quickly gets up.)
Leo: How’d he get healed?
Phoebe: Same way I did, I guess.
Piper: Well, let’s see if he can heal this.
(She goes to blow him up but Phoebe stops her.)
Phoebe: No, you can’t kill him. You kill him, you kill me.
(Paige grabs a box of crystals.)
Paige: Run. He’ll follow you, we’ll meet you in the conservatory.
Phoebe: Do what?
Piper: She’s right. Trust her. Come on.
(Paige, Piper and Leo orb out. The chainsaw man gets his chainsaw started and chases Phoebe. Phoebe runs out of the attic.)
[Cut to the stairs. Phoebe runs down the stairs with the chainsaw man following. She runs into the conservatory and he follows. Paige, Piper and Leo quickly place three crystals on the floor, trapping him in a crystal cage. Behind him are the clown and Ryder in their crystal cages.]
Slappy: Who’s the clown?
Phoebe: Who’s the fox?
Leo: Good question.
Piper: Don’t ask.
Ryder: I’m Piper’s dream lover.
Piper: No, listen, listen, we’ve never slept together. I mean, in the dream world place.
Paige: Maybe you guys should take this in the other room.
Piper: Good idea.
(Piper, Phoebe and Leo go into the living room.)
Slappy: Psst. Paige. Pretty lame, don’t you think? All the decorations. The party-goers will still disappear. (He laughs. Paige goes into the living room.) I got her number.
[Cut to the living room. Paige walks in.]
Phoebe: This is all crazy.
Paige: What are we gonna do?
Phoebe: Well, I made a promise to the Sandman and I’m gonna keep it.
Piper: Okay, so we stick to the original plan. We get the Tracer back here.
Leo: Yeah, that’s real smart, Piper. Anything happens to your dream guy out there and your dead.
Piper: I realise that. And ease up, will you? You’re upsetting the baby.
Phoebe: He’s right, though.
Paige: Which means the Tracer Demon’s gonna come back.
Piper: So we gotta figure out what to do quickly. Any ideas?
Phoebe: What if we cast a sleeping spell and deal with them in our dreams.
Paige: Come again?
Phoebe: Well, the Sandman said if we de-mystify them and we learn to understand them, then they’ll just go away.
Leo: Yeah, doesn’t take a shrink to figure out Piper’s dreams. You wanna screw somebody else.
Piper: Well, at least he makes me feel sexy and not like some walking incubator. Although, I guess that’s what you’ve been dreaming about.
Paige: Hey, guys, maybe not the time.
Phoebe: No, this is good. The more we know, the better chance we have.
Paige: Well, I don’t know what in the hell the clown means.
Phoebe: Well, it’s gotta mean something.
Paige: Look, all I know is in my dream, I try to give the clown to the baby then everybody at the shower just walks away and I’m just left feeling… empty.
Phoebe: Okay, well, you have to find out what that is. Follow through with it. Give the baby the clown and see what happens. (to Piper) And you, you need to follow through too, missy. You’ve created this dream guy to satisfy you, so maybe you should let him.
Phoebe: I’m sorry.
Paige: Relax, dude. Women dream all the time.
Piper: Well, Miss Phoebe, who’s the killer behind the mask?
Phoebe: Isn’t it obvious? It’s gotta be Cole.
Piper: Why Cole? You’re over him.
Phoebe: Well, in my waking state, yes. But apparently not in my subconscious.
Leo: What about me?
Piper: Honey, we’ve got our own dreams to deal with and the Tracer, we’ll deal with your Mr. Mum issues later.
Phoebe: We need you to protect us when we go under in case the Tracer demon attacks. Will go guys work on the sleeping spell?
Paige: All over it.
(Phoebe gets up.)
Piper: Where are you going?
Phoebe: To get some dream dust. That’s what the Sandman was made of.
(She leaves the room. Piper looks at Leo and smiles. She rubs his bulging stomach.)
Paige: Come on, sis, let’s go.
[Scene: Wasteland. The demon and the Tracer are there. The Tracer is smoking a cigar.]
Demon: What are you doing here? You got your bounty, didn’t you?
Tracer Demon: Yes, I did but I’ve been thinking about your plan to impress the Underworld leaders. I think there’s a better way to do that.
Tracer Demon: We killing Sandman is fine but wouldn’t say, killing the Charmed Ones be more impressive?
Demon: If it could be done, it would be done by now.
Tracer Demon: I know, that’s why I didn’t show up to take out their Sandman until at least one of them was down. It started me thinking, with their dreams out and about, maybe they’re more vulnerable now than they’ve ever been. Maybe it’s time to go for it, really impress the leaders.
Demon: Alright, what do you need from me?
(The Tracer demon zaps the demon with an electric bolt and vanquishes him.)
Tracer Demon: I need you outta my way.
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Leo is there. He sits down on the couch and yawns. He closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep.]
[Flash to Piper’s room. Leo walks in the nursery.]
Leo: Please, let me hold you. I just wanna hold you, baby. (He walks over to the crib and picks up the baby.) There. I’ve got you.
[Flash to the living room. Paige wakes Leo up.]
Paige: Leo, wake up. Snap out of it.
(Leo gets up. Phoebe walks in carrying a bowl of dream dust.)
Phoebe: Okay, just don’t use too much. We don’t want any problems coming to life.
Paige: Are you sure it’s okay to go to sleep with the Tracer Demon still out there?
(Phoebe opens the door to the conservatory.)
Ryder: Piper, I need you. I want you.
Slappy: Come on, Paige, let’s party!
(He does a dance. Phoebe closes the door.)
Paige: Let’s get this over with.
Leo: Okay, everybody, know what they need to do?
Paige: Yep, I need to find out why I feel so empty.
(The girls sit next to each other on the couch.)
Piper: And I need to give in to my desire and…
Leo: That’s enough. Phoebe?
Phoebe: I need to find the courage to kick my killer’s ass. Ready?
Piper, Phoebe, Paige: “Let we who waken from our sleep, return at once to slumber deep.”
(They fall asleep and lay back on the couch. Leo sprinkles dream dust on Paige. He hesitates for a moment, then sprinkles some on Piper, and then sprinkles some on Phoebe.)
[Flash to Phoebe’s dream. Basement. Phoebe looks around.]
Phoebe: I know you’re down here. You always are. (The chainsaw man appears out of the shadows.) I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid.
[Flash to Paige’s dream. P3. Women are standing around a basinet. Paige walks in and everyone leaves.]
Paige: But wait, you haven’t even seen the baby yet.
Slappy: But you should. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Go ahead, take a peek.
(Paige slowly moves towards the basinet. She looks inside and sees a baby wrapped in a blanket with “Paige Matthews” embroidered on it. She picks up the baby.)
[Flash to living room. Paige wakes up.]
Leo: Paige, are you okay?
(Paige gets up and opens the door to the conservatory. Slappy vanishes.)
Paige: The baby in the cradle was me. Nobody was allowed to celebrate my birth because it had to be kept a secret. I guess that’s why I was trying to make up for it with your baby.
Leo: It’ll be different for her. But first, we need to get her mummy back.
[Flash to Piper’s dream. Living room. Ryder moves closer to Piper.]
Piper: Ryder, please, this isn’t right, I’m married.
Ryder: Not in your dreams you’re not. (He kisses her neck and Piper breathes heavily. She pulls away.) Don’t be afraid. You know you want to.
(Piper and Ryder kiss passionately. They pull apart and Ryder is now Leo. Piper smiles.)
[Flash to the living room. End of Piper’s dream. Piper smiles in her sleep. Paige and Leo look in the conservatory and Ryder vanishes.]
Leo: What happened? Where’d he go?
Piper: Nowhere. (Piper walks over to Leo.) He was right here all along. (Piper kisses Leo.) I was dreaming about you, about us. The way we used to be. And I don’t want that to change just because we’re married and… (she looks at Leo’s stomach) having a baby.
Leo: It won’t.
Paige: Uh, guys?
Paige: Phoebe’s not looking so hot.
[Flash to Phoebe’s dream. Basement. The chainsaw man is chasing Phoebe. He hits a shelf of stuff with his chainsaw. Phoebe runs up the stairs.]
Phoebe: Come on, Phoebe, you can do this. It’s now or never.
(The chainsaw man climbs the stairs and Phoebe kicks him back down. He falls the the ground and multiplies. The other two are holding a butcher’s knife and an axe. They stand up. Phoebe screams.)
[Flash to the living room. Phoebe breathes heavily.]
Piper: Phoebe? Honey, what’s happening?
(They look in the conservatory and the chainsaw man multiplies. They kick the crystals out of the way and the crystal cage disappears. The three of them move closer to Piper, Paige and Leo.]
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper pushes a table up against the door.]
Paige: Don’t let ’em in!
(Leo and Piper lock the other doors.)
Piper: This is not gonna hold long.
Paige: Phoebe, will you deal with your issues already!
Leo: Yelling at her is not gonna help!
(The axe man chops through one of the doors. Piper screams.)
Piper: Alright, that’s enough.
(She goes to blow them up but Leo stops her.)
Leo: Piper, don’t. You kill them, you kill Phoebe.
Paige: What the hell are we gonna do?
(The chainsaw man and the axe continue to chop their way through the doors.)
[Flash to Phoebe’s dream. Kitchen. Phoebe is there. The chainsaw man cuts his way through the door. Phoebe screams. The three of them move towards Phoebe.]
Phoebe: What am I supposed to do to make them go away? Unmask them and he goes away. That’s it.
(She kicks the axe man and then removes the mask, revealing herself.)
Phoebe: Oh my god.
[Flash to the living room. The chainsaw man, axe man and butcher’s knife man move in closer. Piper, Paige and Leo back away.]
Piper: Phoebe, hurry up.
(The men vanish.)
Leo: Where’d they go?
(Phoebe wakes up. Paige sits down beside her.)
Paige: You did it, you kicked his ass.
Phoebe: No, actually, I didn’t, I just unmasked him. Or me, rather.
Piper: You? Uh, the killer was you?
Phoebe: Yeah. How narcissistic is that?
Paige: That’s weird. I thought my clown was strange.
Phoebe: What happened in here?
Leo: Uh, nothing much, we’ve just been protecting you from, apparently, you.
Piper: Wait a minute, I don’t get it. I thought Cole was involved in your nightmare.
Phoebe: Yeah, so did I, until I stopped running scared and realised that I was just running from myself.
Paige: I don’t follow.
Phoebe: Kind of an old issue for me. Self sabotage. I just kept beating myself up with the whole Cole thing, not thinking that I deserve to move on.
Piper: Oh, you deserve it.
Paige: Well, the good news is, is that it’s over for all of us.
Piper: Maybe not all of us.
Leo: She kicked. I felt the baby kick. (Leo’s stomach deflates and Piper’s inflates.) Now why did that happen?
Phoebe: Well, you said you wanted to be closer to the baby.
Piper: So you were, now you’re not.
Leo: Yeah, well, right now I wanna be closer to my wife.
(Piper and Leo kiss.)
(The Tracer demon appears.)
Tracer Demon: Prepare to die, witches. (Piper and Leo pull apart and turn to the Tracer. The Tracer demon looks around.) Where are you dreams?
Piper: Boy, are you ever late.
(Piper blows him up.)
Paige: Why’d you do that? We needed to find out who he was working for.
Piper: Oh, there’s more where he came from. Besides, we’re saving dreams. I don’t want a lot of cranky women at my baby shower. Unless, you know, having one is gonna bring up some issues for you.
Paige: No, no, I’m fine. You know, I would even be so big as to consider moving it to P3.
Piper: Well, I can’t, I’ve got Beth Orton booked for tonight.
Paige: What better way to celebrate? Just hope we can stay awake long enough to enjoy it.
[Scene: P3. Beth Orton is performing on stage. People are dancing and having a good time in front of the stage. At the back of the room, there are opened presents and a half-eaten cake. Piper, Phoebe and Paige sleep soundly, Slappy under Paige’s arm.]