Written by: Jeannine Renshaw
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick
Season 6, Episode 13
Episode Number: 124
[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Phoebe, Paige, Jason and Richard are there. They have just finished dinner.]
Paige: Okay, this has been really fun, guys, but Phoebe actually brought us here tonight to say something, didn’t you, Pheebs?
Phoebe: No, no, I-I-I just think that we don’t get to see enough of each other, that’s all.
(She laughs nervously.)
Jason: Might be a little longer too, seeing as we’re off to Paris in the morning.
Paige: Yeah, about that French merger…
Phoebe: Oh, Hong Kong, Rome, gay Pa-Ree, it’s enough to send a girl’s head spinning, you know.
Paige: But wasn’t there something you really wanted to say about…
Richard: Ah, you must have great business karma.
Jason: Oh, karma? I don’t believe in that stuff.
Richard: Not at all?
Jason: Well, I mean, you know, if somebody cuts me off on the road, I’d like to think that they’re gonna get what’s coming to them, if that’s what you mean.
Richard: That’s karma, the great cosmic justice system. You reap what you sow.
Paige: Great, fabulous, anyway, Phoebe.
(Paige kicks Phoebe under the table.)
Phoebe: Ah! Uh, okay, alright. Uh, Jason, there is something that I want to share with you right now, and, uh, that would be… a toast. A toast to your new merger.
Paige: Pheebs, could you help me with the cobbler.
(Phoebe and Paige leave the room.)
Jason: Am I missing something?
[Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe and Paige walk in.]
Paige: Okay, that was a three course meal, not including the fruit and cheese plate, I gave you a million openings. What do you want? A drum roll?
Phoebe: Actually, that’s not a bad idea.
Paige: You are going with him to France tomorrow. You’ve been putting this off for too long, you have to tell him you’re a witch.
Phoebe: I’m just thinking maybe we should wait until we get there to tell him, you know. And then if there’s an emergency you can orb us back, okay?
Paige: You’ve probably been caught almost like a million times. You can’t keep taking that risk.
Phoebe: I know. You know, maybe I should wait until tomorrow until after the big banquet so I don’t upset his big day.
Paige: I think that you have a big problem with avoiding conflict and one day, missy, it is gonna come back and bite you in the ass.
(Richard walks in.)
Richard: Hey, he’s getting a little antsy in there.
Paige: And you, what is it with this whole karma thing? You’re supposed to be making it easier for her.
(Leo orbs in.)
Leo: Piper’s under attack, she needs your help fast.
Phoebe: Saved by the orb. Great. Keep Jason occupied.
(Phoebe and Paige orb out.)
[Cut to dining room. Leo walks in holding a pot of coffee and a dish of dessert. Richard walks in behind him.]
Jason: Leo? What are you doing here?
Leo: Uh, just bringing dessert. You want some?
Richard: The girls are just tidying up.
[Cut to a tunnel. Piper is there. She blows up a demon and another one appears.]
(The demon throws a fireball at Piper and she dives out of the way. Phoebe and Paige orb in.)
Piper: About time.
(They help her up and Piper blows up the demon.)
Phoebe: It wasn’t easy to find you in these catacombs.
Paige: You were supposed to wait until after dinner so I could help.
Piper: Well, I thought I could handle it. Except I must have missed something in the book.
Phoebe: I guess so.
Piper: Look, every time I hit one, two more show up.
(Piper looks around the corner and sees two more demons. She tries to blow them up but they duck and she misses. They throw two fireballs.)
Phoebe: Okay, back up. (Phoebe walks around the corner.) Hey, boys!
(They throw a fireball each at Phoebe and she channels them straight back at them, vanquishing them. Four more shimmer in. Piper and Paige pull Phoebe back behind the wall.)
Piper: Okay, new plan. Blast and then bail.
[Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Jason walks in with Leo and Richard following.]
Jason: Hey, Phoebe, what’s taking you so long? Wh-Where’d they go?
Richard: Uh, must be an emergency or something.
Jason: It’s always some emergency or some phone call or some marathon pee-break. What’s going on?
(Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in, in front of Jason. He faints.)
[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Phoebe watches Jason drive away in his car. She closes the door and walks into the living room where Leo is healing Piper’s wound on her forehead.]
Leo: I’d better go check on Wyatt.
(Leo leaves the room.)
Phoebe: I’ve never seen him like that. He looked at me like he had no idea who I was.
Paige: He doesn’t know you. Not the witch you, anyway.
Piper: He’s just gonna need some time.
Phoebe: Why didn’t I just tell him? And no I told you so’s.
Paige: We all make little mistakes, honey.
Phoebe: This was a very big mistake. I can’t imagine how he’s feeling right now, what he’s going through.
Paige: The good news is it’s out in the open now and, uh, you know, you guys have no more secrets.
(Richard walks in.)
Richard: Food’s away, table’s cleared, anything else I can do?
Paige: No, thank you.
Richard: Hey, I feel awful. I’m sorry about what happened.
Phoebe: It’s not your fault.
Richard: Well, actually, it is.
Piper: Why? Did you shove Jason into the kitchen?
Richard: No, but my karma did. I’m serious, I’m convinced I’m carrying around the burden of my family’s karma. We did so much bad with magic, now magic’s doing bad to me, and those I care about.
Paige: Now that is completely ridiculous.
Richard: The feud has lasted for decades in my family, and so many people were hurt in the crossfire. Somebody’s gotta inherit that bad karma, right?
Piper: Not really how karma works.
Phoebe: You live a double life with your boyfriend, and you pay the price. If anyone’s karma made this happen it’s mine.
Paige: That’s true. You had the chance to clean this up tonight and you didn’t.
Phoebe: See, there’s that ‘I told you so’, huh?
Paige: Only to make a point.
Phoebe: No, you’re right. I’ve been avoiding conflict my whole life.
Richard: And it just happened the night I was here? It’s all I’m saying.
Piper: Hey, you guys, this mea culpa game is real fun and all but we’re not gonna solve anything. Um, there’s multiplying swarm demons on the other hand.
Paige: That’s right, we riled them up, didn’t we?
Piper: Yeah, and if they attack right now we won’t know how to deal with them. So why don’t you two hit the book and I’ll catch up after I check on Wyatt.
Phoebe: Uh, would you guys mind if I sat this one out? I kind of feel like I need to go see Jason.
Piper: Well, maybe after we…
Paige: No, we can handle it.
[Cut to Wyatt’s room. Leo lays Wyatt down in his crib. He covers him with a red blanket. Piper walks in.]
Piper: Leo, no, no, no.
Leo: What? What? What? What is it?
(Piper pulls off the red blanket.)
Piper: This, this.
Leo: What, my grandmother’s quilt.
Piper: Her red quilt. The colour of anger and violence and all things bad.
Leo: Bad? I used that quilt.
Piper: Well, you can have it back. Wyatt is now using the powder blue baby blanket. Did you turn off the serenity Mozart CD? Look, we need to bathe Wyatt in goodness and nurture peace and serenity. Happy things.
(She plays the Mozart CD on the CD player.)
Leo: Piper, don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit?
Piper: Leo, there’s no such thing as overreacting when it comes to the future of our child.
Leo: Okay, but aren’t the swarm demons the last on the list of threats?
Piper: Yes, but…
Leo: Okay, and when they’re gone, are you gonna stop worrying a little bit, right?
Piper: No, because I’ve sent Chris to suss out if there’s any new threats.
Leo: Okay, not to press a point but didn’t you just have an epiphany about not focusing all your energy on Wyatt?
Piper: Yes, well, that was before Chris informed us that our child is going to grow up to be the future of all evil. Besides, it’s not all I do. I have the club, I have friends.
Piper: Look, it’s just that Wyatt still comes first. Which is why you’re going to take him up the Elders so he’s safe while we figure out how to deal with the swarm demons. And while you’re there, can you ask them if there’s anything they can do to ensure goodness in Wyatt, you know, pull a few strings.
Leo: Piper, we don’t need any strings pulled. We can protect our son ourselves.
Piper: Well, in the future apparently we don’t. Okay, so look, there are blue booties in the bag in case it gets cold, so don’t be afraid to use them, okay?
(Piper leaves the room. Leo picks up Wyatt.)
Leo: Don’t ask me, she’s your mother.
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige and Richard are there.]
Richard: Look, you and I both know in order to make this work you can’t repress yourself.
Paige: I’m not. Look, practising magic.
Richard: Yeah, but you don’t want me to.
Paige: Every relationship is gonna have its challenges, right? Look at Phoebe and Jason.
Richard: I’m telling you, that was me.
Paige: No, that was them not being truthful with each other, and as long as we are, we’re gonna be fine.
Richard: Fine would be if I could start over with a clean slate.
Paige: You just be the wonderful person that you are and it’s gonna make up for all the bad things your family ever did.
Richard: Not in this life time. I wanna start over.
Paige: It’s not possible. If it were, everybody would do it.
Richard: Okay, everybody’s not a powerful witch.
Paige: Look, karma is the DNA of the universe. It’s what balances everything out. You start screwing with that, you could mess up the entire cosmic order of things.
Richard: Maybe you can help me cast a spell.
Paige: What part of no shortcuts are you not you getting? There’s an aura cleanse, a chakra cleanse, but no karma cleanse. If it were possible to be cleansed, it would be in there. But there’s no spell, it can’t be done.
(Piper walks in.)
Piper: Got anything?
Paige: Yeah, let’s see. (Piper and Paige look at the open book.) They are distant relatives of kazis and vampires, which means they come from a hive. Did you even read this?
Piper: I skimmed it. So they were drones that we were killing. Well, no wonder they just kept coming back. It says you have to kill the king to kill the hive which requires a power of three spell. I’ll call Phoebe.
(She heads for the door.)
Paige: Hey, just slow down there, okay? Take it easy.
Piper: Okay, you orb out and get Phoebe and I’ll start on the potion.
Paige: Why don’t we just track the leader down. You and I. That way Phoebe and Jason can have a little bit of time alone, yeah?
Piper: Well, what if the swarm attacks before… (Paige gives her a look.) Okay, fine. We’ll locate the ruler first.
Paige: Brilliant idea. (to Richard) Hey, can I orb you anywhere?
Richard: No, it’s okay. I drove my car here.
Paige: Okay. I’ll see you soon.
(Piper and Paige orb out. Richard walks over to the Book of Shadows and starts flipping through it.)
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Jason’s office. Jason is there. Phoebe walks in.]
Jason: You stay away.
Phoebe: We need to talk.
Jason: No, no, I don’t wanna talk. You’re, this is your… this-this is-is-is so beyond, this is so far beyond my reality, you know. I-I-I I’m just still trying to figure out how-how you could… fifteen months I didn’t know.
Phoebe: I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I couldn’t. And you know now, so can we talk about this please?
Jason: Oh, okay, fine, let’s talk. Alright, what was this, huh? The Godiva girls. Was that magic?
Jason: Okay, what about that-that funny looking little cousin of yours, cousin Shamus. What the hell was he? One of the seven dwarves?
Phoebe: Uh, no actually, he was a leprechaun. And not really my cousin. Look, Jason, I know how you feel.
Jason: How do I feel, Phoebe? Huh? Tell me because I don’t know. But you, you always seem to know. So tell me, how’s it gonna feel when I crash? ‘Cause I-I-I see one coming. Is it gonna feel like when you said ‘I love you too’? Because that, that was magic, wasn’t it?
Phoebe: But I do love you.
Jason: I-I-I don’t have time for this.
Phoebe: I didn’t want you to find out like this, believe me.
Jason: I, uh, I have to concentrate. I’m speaking in front of a hundred share holders celebrating the, uh, second biggest French media merger of the decade, okay? So, I need to, I need to focus.
[Scene: Tunnel. Piper and Phoebe are walking around.]
Piper: Hey, you’re the one that wanted to look for the swarm king in the first place, remember?
Paige: Yeah, that’s when I thought it was a hive, not so much a maze. Oh, no. (She spots some footprints.) Is this starting to look familiar? Are we…?
Piper: Going around in circles?
Paige: Let’s just orb home.
Piper: Why are you in such a rush to go home all of a sudden?
Paige: It’s Richard. Anytime he’s alone for too long bad things start to happen. (They hear footsteps. Piper gets ready to blow up whoever’s about to walk around the corner.) No. (Paige takes her around the corner out of sight.) It only attracts them more, remember? (A dozen swarm demons walk past.) Should we follow them?
Piper: Good idea. (They start to follow the swarm demons but more appear behind them.) Now?
(Piper blows them up.)
[Cut to the manor. Attic. Richard has the Aura Cleanse spell open in the Book of Shadows. He is writing down a spell on a piece of paper. He picks up the paper and grabs a pinch of sand and walks over to some lit candles. He sprinkles the sand on the floor.]
Richard: “I call to thee, pure witch’s fire, through vortex flow the heavenly mire, cleanse brackish karma of debris, from dark to light sweep history.”
(A bright light circles Richard.)
[Cut to downstairs. Phoebe walks in through the front door.]
Phoebe: Hello? Anybody home? (She hangs up her coat. The light disappears from Richard and reappears downstairs, hitting Phoebe. She gets a vision of French soldiers firing at a target. Phoebe is thrown backwards.) Qu’est-ce que c’est?
[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper and Paige orb in. They look tired and sore.]
Piper: How many did we get? Fifteen or sixteen?
Paige: I don’t know. I stopped counting at dawn. I’m gonna go crash. Actually, I’m gonna go check on Richard and then go crash.
Piper: But wait, we know where the king is now. So we gotta get Phoebe so we can go back and get him.
Paige: No. I am taking a hot bath and curling into a nice warm bed.
Piper: You know, living at Richard’s mansion has made you soft.
Paige: Oh, shush.
Piper: I’m serious. What if this is the demon that gets to Wyatt?
Paige: Well, then it’s all the more reason for us to be well-rested, right?
(Piper sees a broken vase on the floor.)
Piper: What happened here?
(Phoebe comes down the stairs wearing very little.)
Phoebe: Bonjour! Bonjour!
Piper: What the heck are you wearing?
Phoebe: Oh, just a little something to help me win my boyfriend back. Showing a little skin never hurt.
Paige: Oh, I’ll file that away.
Piper: I guess it didn’t go so good with Jason last night?
Phoebe: No, unfortunately. Je ne sais pas pourquoi.
Paige: Since when do you speak freedom fry?
Phoebe: I don’t know actually, it’s kind of weird considering I hate the French.
Piper: No you don’t. You love everything about France.
Phoebe: I do? Oh, then maybe I just hate being dumped. All the more reason to go get him.
Piper: Uh, just there’s one thing. See, we kind of need the power of three for a vanquish, you know, to save your nephews future and all.
Phoebe: Yeah, sorry, I can’t. (She heads for the door.) Au revoir.
Piper: Please tell me she didn’t…
Paige: Cast a spell on herself? I think she did.
[Scene: Tunnels. The swarm king and dozens of swarm demons are there.]
Swarm King: I can feel their pain. This is where they fought and died. Correct me if I’m wrong but this was your division.
Swarm Demon #1: I’m afraid it was.
Swarm King: Remember, this is going to hurt me much more than it hurts you. (He vanquishes Swarm Demon #1.) It is time to bring the fight to them! Let the Charmed Ones feel our pain!
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige are there looking at the page the Book of Shadows is open to.]
Piper: I’m confused. How does cleansing her aura get Jason back?
Paige: No, Phoebe didn’t cast the spell, Richard did.
Piper: Richard wants Jason back?
Paige: No, Richard wants to cleanse his karma. Oh my god, that’s what he used the book for. Damn it, I shouldn’t have left him alone.
Piper: Wait a second, what does this have to do with Phoebe?
Paige: Karma is not something you mess with. Especially not magically. Whatever Richard did could have gone wonky and affected her somehow. I mean, there’s all this unfinished karma just floating around out there waiting to complete its cycle.
Piper: What the hell are you talking about?
Paige: I’m talking about Richard screwing with the karma wheel and Phoebe getting smacked down by it. She said it herself, she’s been lying to Jason, living a double life, if that doesn’t attract bad karma, I don’t know what does.
Piper: Someone’s unfinished bad karma?
Paige: Exactly. Except who’s?
Piper: Well, I’d guess a French hooker by the way she’s been acting.
Paige: Or worse. Okay, you go get Phoebe, I’ll go get Richard.
Piper: But what if he’s infected too?
Paige:Well, I’ll save him and then I’ll kill him.
(Paige leaves the room.)
[Scene: Richard’s house. Study. Richard is there. Paige storms in.]
Paige: Cast any spells lately?
Richard: No. Alright, yeah, one. It didn’t work though.
Paige: How do you know?
Richard: Because… Alright, I was cleansing my soul…
Paige: Yeah, yeah, skip down to the bottom. What happened when you said the spell, exactly.
Richard: Energy and light came down from the ceiling, it surrounded me…
Paige: And hit Phoebe.
Richard: No, I was there alone.
Paige: Oh, yeah, you were alone. Okay, then how do you explain my sister suddenly walking around like she’s in the nudie version of La Miz.
Richard: I don’t know. I don’t know why it affected her and not me.
Paige: Maybe because your family is surrounded by so much bad karma that there’s no room for anybody else’s. What were you thinking?
Richard: I was thinking about us.
Richard: Yeah. I don’t want my past to hurt you.
Paige: Richard, I know that you mean well, I really do. And I get that it must be so hard to not practise magic when you can, but you can’t…
Richard: How can you be with a guy that’s got a problem with the very thing you’re all about? I have an idea. I have a potion that’ll help Phoebe.
(He heads for the door.)
Richard: I can’t. I did this. I need to fix it.
Paige: No, hey. Please. Just no more magic.
[Scene: Office. Steve’s there. Richard walks in.]
Richard: Hey, bro.
Steve: Richard. Man, how the hell have you been?
Richard: Good, good, you know. Wow, you look good, and you got your hair cut.
Steve: Yeah, for court. I’m doing pro bono now.
Richard: A do-gooder. Wow, you.
Steve: Yeah, I needed a change in my life. So, mum’s been worried. No one’s heard from you. Staying out of trouble I hope.
Richard: Yeah, more or less.
Steve: So, uh, you still seeing Paige?
Richard: Absolutely. I can’t imagine life without her.
Steve: It sounds serious.
Richard: I hope so.
Steve: Well, here, man, take a seat.
Richard: Actually, I can’t, I gotta go. Listen, I’ve been going through some of the old potion books just for the hell of it, and I can’t find that one dad used to use to banish spirits. Do you know where it is?
Steve: I thought be both agreed not to mess with that stuff anymore.
Richard: I’m not. Not really. It’s hard to explain. Do you know where it is?
Richard: Look, save the speech. Can you help me or not?
Steve: Why? What’d you do?
Steve: Are people hurt? Do you need…
Richard: Damn it, Steve! Can you help me or not? Please.
[Scene: Outside a building. Phoebe is waiting on the sidewalk. Jason pulls up in a limo. He gets out.]
Jason: What are you doing here? And what are you wearing?
Phoebe: I’m looking for you. (She pulls him closer.) Mon petit choux.
Jason: Look, I don’t have time for this. (He pulls away.) This is crazy.
(She grabs him.)
Phoebe: You have every right to be very upset with me, I know I’ve been a very, very bad girl. Please let me make it up to you.
Jason: I don’t think so.
Phoebe: What do you mean you don’t think so?
Jason: Hey, take it easy, Phoebe, we’ll talk about it later, okay? Right now I’m running late.
Phoebe: There’s always time for l’amour.
(She tries to kiss him.)
Jason: Whoa. Uh, listen, this is, I, this merger is very important to me, okay? I need to keep a clear head if that’s at all possible.
Phoebe: Are you saying you don’t want me?
Jason: Not right now.
Phoebe: Cochon. You pig. Quel est ton probleme? Fils de pute!.
Jason: You’re crazy.
(He walks towards the building.)
Phoebe: You think you can just walk away from me? You think I’m crazy? You think this is crazy? Just wait.
[Cut to inside. Jason is standing up on a stage talking to a room full of people in suits. There is a table full of food in the centre of the room.]
Jason: In the climate of this world economy, diversity is essential. And that is why this merger is essential if we want to grow as a company. Combing resources will allow us to tap into markets that would have otherwise remained beyond our reach. (They applause.) And so today we celebrate a new Franco-American business community, in which bilateral trade is not only encouraged… (The microphone makes a high-pitched noise. The people split in two groups to make a clear path down to the stage. Phoebe is standing near the back and walks down the clearing the people have made. She walks up onto the stage.) What the hell are you doing?
Phoebe: You turned on me, you rejected me, and I’d say you’ll live to regret it but you won’t.
Jason: This isn’t a game.
Jason: Phoebe, you can’t do this.
(He takes off his coat and wraps it around Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh, no? Pourquoi pas?. Watch me. (She pulls away from him and his coat.) Curses on this merger.
(The champagne bottles pop and squirt champagne everywhere. The food turns into snails and toads and pigeons. The people scream and run around the room.)
Jason: Phoebe, stop this.
(He grabs her.)
Phoebe: You let go of me!
(She pushes him onto the floor.)
Jason: Are you trying to ruin me?
Phoebe: Oh, that’s just the hors d’oeuvre. Wait until you see the entree. It’s to die for.
(Suddenly everything freezes including Phoebe. Piper walks through the people.)
Piper: Leo! (She walks onto the stage.) Leo! Leo!
(Leo orbs in.)
Leo: Wh-Why is Phoebe frozen?
Piper: That’s not Phoebe.
Leo: What do you mean?
Piper: Long story. Let’s get out of here.
Leo: What about all this?
Piper: Later, later.
(Leo orbs out with Piper and Phoebe. The room unfreezes.)
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Paige is reading a book. Phoebe sits on a chair.]
Piper: Sit down and put this on.
(She throws her a blanket.)
Phoebe: I’m not finished with my revenge.
Piper: Sit or I will freeze. We need to figure out who’s karma you got.
Phoebe: I’ll never tell. Je ne fait pas ca.
Paige: Okay, she’s French. Bad karma… Napoleon?
Piper: Probably not.
Leo: Phoebe’s not our only problem, that entire auditorium saw her use magic.
Piper: Well, we fix Phoebe first and then we take care of the swarm king and if we’re still alive after that, we’ll worry about it then. (Phoebe sighs.) Maybe you should go check on Wyatt and make sure he’s okay.
Leo: He’s fine. Okay, I’ll go check.
(Leo orbs out. Piper walks over to the Book of Shadows.)
Piper: See if I can piece together a spell to de-karma Phoebe.
Paige: Okay, what about, uh, Marie Antoinette, Queen Isabella, the she-wolf of France?
Phoebe: Oh, now you insult me. I can’t stand France.
Piper: Vital clue there?
Paige: Okay, let’s see. Speaks French, hates the country, more than willing to strip in public… Oh my god, I saw something in here. Famous female spies… Mata Hari.
Piper: Wasn’t she one of the Bond girls?
Paige: No. Look, an exotic stripper in Paris, Dutch born, double agent for Germany during World War I. Says here Mata Hari was convicted by French officials and executed by a firing squad.
Piper: Well, no wonder she hates the French.
Phoebe: Not half as much as I hate you for keeping me here. I need my freedom, I need my revenge.
Piper: What does her karma have to do with Phoebe?
Paige: Well, duplicitous, living a double life… Ring any bells?
(Phoebe gets up.)
Piper: Where are you going?
Phoebe: Au revoir.
(She goes in the other room. Piper freezes her. Piper and Paige walk over to Phoebe and unfreeze her.)
Piper: Hi. Look, it’s two against one and you are not going anywhere. (Two swarm demons appear and throw fireballs at them. Phoebe and Paige dive behind the couch. One of the fireballs hits Piper on her arm. She blows them up.) Why am I always the one getting hit?
(Three more swarm demons shimmer in but are facing the wrong way.)
Phoebe: Behind you!
(The swarm demons turn around and Piper blows up one. Another one shimmers in and throws a fireball, hitting Paige on the arm.)
Swarm Demon: Take her!
(He points to Phoebe. One of them grabs Phoebe and shimmers out with her. The other two shimmer out.)
Paige: Am I crazy or was she trying to save them from us?
[Scene: Swarm Demon hive. Two Swarm Demons are holding onto Phoebe.]
Swarm King: I didn’t tell you to bring her here, I ordered you to kill them.
Swarm Demon: The Charmed Ones were all together. We were lucky to grab one and get away.
Phoebe: Oh, luck had nothing to do with it, I saved your butts back there. Excuse me, are you in charge here?
Swarm King: I am.
(Phoebe pulls away from the two Swarm Demons.)
Phoebe: Good, because I’d like to get in bed with you. Not literally. Although, there may be time for that later. What I’m saying is, if you’ll help me, I’ll help you.
Swarm King: You think I’m a fool? Saving my drones to gain my favour? I’m not one to fall for tricks.
Phoebe: This isn’t a trick. Hands off me. The witches have double crossed me. They wanna keep me against my will.
Swarm King: So do I.
Phoebe: Yeah, let me guess. To lure them here so you can kill all of us? Yeah, see you’re not the first demon to try that and fail. They’ve got good karma. Centuries of it. It’s what protects them, us.
Swarm King: And what is it that you suggest?
Phoebe: Well, I was hoping that you would help me create some bad karma for them by, oh, I don’t know, maybe killing an innocent.
Swarm King: Who did you have in mind?
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Jason’s office. Jason is there. Richard walks in.]
Jason: What are you doing here?
Richard: I’m looking for Phoebe. Have you seen her?
Jason: Not since she destroyed my career, no. Listen, uh, I’ve gotta give a press conference, try to salvage what’s left of my reputation.
Richard: Don’t go, alright? I know how you feel.
Jason: Oh, you know how I feel? You know how it feels to have the woman you love lie to you? To turn your one shining moment into chaos, and to strip in front of a packed auditorium.
Richard: No. Look, it’s not her fault. If you want to blame somebody, blame me. I cast a spell that…
Jason: Hold on, you too?
Richard: Yeah. Look, there’s no time to explain. (He pulls out a potion.) Just, just take this, please. The moment you see Phoebe, throw this at her, she’ll be back to normal, I promise.
Jason: Wait a second, what is that?
Richard: It’s a potion.
Jason: Get out of here.
Richard: Look, I screwed up big time, alright? The only way to fix this is to use this on Phoebe. (He puts the potion in Jason’s shirt pocket.) If you love her you’ll do it.
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper and Paige are there dabbing each other’s wounds.]
Piper: Well, if you would just hold still.
Paige: Fine. There. Done.
Paige: You know, we wouldn’t even be in this mess if it weren’t for Phoebe not being able to deal with conflict.
Piper: Actually, we wouldn’t be in this mess if your boyfriend could handle his magic.
(Piper pushes on a band-aid on Paige’s wound.)
Paige: Ow! You did that on purpose.
Piper: Yes, I did.
Paige: Maybe we should just focus on how to save Phoebe.
Piper: Well, we could storm the hive but then again, she’d probably just help them stop us.
Paige: Well, that’s just Mata Hari coming through, using whoever she can to exact her revenge.
Piper: But against who? The men who put her to death are long gone. And besides, doesn’t her real karma eventually lead to her own self destruction anyway?
Paige: Well, I think that’s why we need to figure out why she’s using Phoebe before it’s too late, right?
Piper: Which brings us back to Mata Hari’s revenge.
Paige: Okay, she’s spent her life pleasing men, only to be betrayed by them at the end…
Piper: Oh, no.
Piper: What if she wants to return the favour?
[Cut to outside The Bay Mirror. Piper and Paige orb in behind a truck. Jason goes over to the limo with reporters chasing him.]
Jason: Listen up, folks. I’ll answer everything at the press conference. Please, do me a favour and hold your questions until then.
(Jason gets in the limo and Phoebe’s waiting there.)
Phoebe: Hello, Jason.
Jason: Phoebe, I’ve had enough.
Phoebe: Shh. (Two swarm demons shimmer in beside him.) I always get my man.
Jason: Wait. Hang on a second.
(They shimmer out with Jason. Piper and Paige walk over to the limo and look inside.)
[Scene: Swarm Demon tunnels. Piper and Paige are there.]
Paige: I swear this is where we found the king last time.
Piper: Well, maybe your orbing was off.
Paige: My orbing was not off. They’ve just moved.
Piper: Well, we should be hearing the swarms, so why don’t we?
Paige: I don’t know, ’cause there’s like a jillion miles in this stupid maze. They could be anywhere.
Piper: We don’t even know if Phoebe is here.
Paige: Well, it’s our best bet. I swear, if she is hurt, I am never going to forgive Richard.
Piper: I think Jason’s the one we need to worry about right now.
[Cut to a cave. Phoebe, Jason and the swarm demons are there.]
Phoebe: Such a sweet man, such a horrible way to die. I almost want to cry. Almost.
Jason: What are you doing? Please stop this game.
Phoebe: Life is a game. The last one standing wins. And that would be me.
Jason: I get it, you’re trying to teach me a lesson, I get it.
Phoebe: No lesson, I just don’t like being betrayed.
Jason: Well, what about him? Won’t he betray you?
Phoebe: Goodbye, mon amour.
Jason: Phoebe, please, I’m begging you.
Phoebe: Oh, don’t beg. I stared at my killer right in the eye. So much more dignified way to die.
Jason: Richard was right.
Swarm King: Enough! Can we please get on with this?
Phoebe: Ready? (The swarm demons create fireballs.) Aim. (Jason reaches in his pocket and pulls out a potion. He throws it at Phoebe. Mata Hari leaves her body.) No!
(Piper and Paige walk around the corner.)
Swarm King: Fire!
(Phoebe faces the swarm demons and they throw the fireballs. She channels the fireballs back to them and vanquishes some. The rest dive behind rocks and throws more fireballs. Phoebe and Jason run around the corner.)
Phoebe: Oh, thank god, I’m so happy to see you guys.
Paige: You’re you.
Piper: Reunion later, slay now.
Swarm King: Fire at her!
Piper, Phoebe, Paige: “Demon swarm that serves as one, vanquish him from which they come.”
(The Swarm King is vanquished along with the rest of the swarm demons.)
Phoebe: Jason. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.
Jason: Me too.
Piper: I hate to break this up, I really do, but we’ve gotta go.
Paige: How did you get rid of Mata Hari’s karma?
Piper: Don’t ask.
Phoebe: Where’d you get the potion from?
Jason: I got it from Richard. He said it would be the only thing that might save you.
[Scene: Richard’s house. Richard opens a door to a room full of potions and ingredients. He walks in and closes the door.]
[Scene: Manor. Wyatt’s room. Piper, Leo and Wyatt are there. Piper puts Wyatt in his playpen.]
Leo: Are you okay?
Piper: Oh, yeah, you know, considering I’m the mother of the future leader of all evil.
Leo: No you’re not. Okay, maybe he won’t be now that you took care of the last threat on him.
Piper: You know as well as I do that was not the last threat. There’ll be others.
Leo: And you’ll take care of them too. Especially now that we know what can happen. After all, well aware is half there.
Piper: Did Phoebe give you that psycho babble? I just don’t understand how someone so sweet could possibly turn so bad.
Leo: I don’t believe he will, despite what Chris says. Or maybe because of it we won’t let it. You know, Piper, all parents worry about their kids, it’s part of their job description. We just have to have faith.
Piper: Yeah, but Wyatt isn’t just any kid.
Leo: And we’re not just any parents either.
Piper: Well, at least we know he’ll inherit all of our family’s good karma, and that should help.
Leo: I hope it helps Phoebe too. She still has what happened to Jason’s banquet to worry about.
[Scene: Outside a Hotel. It’s raining. Jason gets out of a limo and the doorman holds an umbrella above him. They walk to the door, under cover. Phoebe runs across the road.]
Phoebe: Jason! Jason!
Phoebe: I wanna talk to the press. I wanna tell them everything.
Jason: Right. What are you gonna do? Tell them you’re a witch? That’ll make the headlines.
Phoebe: Uh, actually, I didn’t think about what I was gonna say them. I just know that I can’t let you take the fall for this. I am so sorry about everything. The lies and…
Jason: Hey, don’t. Remember you saved me.
Phoebe: Yeah, but that was after I tried to kill you.
Jason: Well, there was that.
Phoebe: If I could do it all again, I would tell you the truth.
Jason: Give me a break, Phoebe, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna tell me? And besides, I was so wrapped up in my career and dragging you around the world, I never gave you a chance.
Phoebe: So, um, what do we do now?
Jason: I don’t know. Maybe we should just both take some time. They’re waiting for me.
Phoebe: I wish you’d let me talk to them.
Jason: No, no, what you and your sisters do, what I saw you do, it, uh, put some perspective on my work. I wanna protect that.
Phoebe: You might lose the merger.
Jason: I’ve lost worst.
(They kiss and Phoebe walks away.)