Y Tu Mummy Tambien

Written by: Curtis Kheel
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick

Season 5, Episode 10
Episode Number: 98

[Scene: An apartment. A man rushes in carrying a woman. He lays her on the couch.]

Man: Crystal, where’s the crystal?

Woman: It’s over there.

Man: Where?

Woman: The cabinet.

(The man rushes over to a cabinet and searches through it. He finds a crystal and a map.)

Man: Got it. (The woman sighs and closes her eyes.) Isis. (He rushes to her side.) Isis. Don’t die on me, not yet. Not until we can find you another body. Call upon the witch within. Use her powers.

Isis: I don’t have the strength.

Man: Find the strength. It’s the only way.

Isis: Okay. (She scrys for a witch with the crystal and the map.) I found one.

Man: Good. Can you tell, is she powerful enough to hold your spirit?

Isis: I don’t know.

(She dies.)

Man: Until we meet again, my love. (He hears sirens of police cars and three pull up outside. Four policemen get out.) Like moths to a flame.

[Cut to outside.]

Darryl: Remember, nobody’s taken him yet, so watch your backs, follow my lead. Any questions? Let’s go.

(They run up the stairs.)

[Cut to the apartment. The man recites a spell and Isis is mummified. A large brooch in the shape of a beetle appears on the mummy’s chest. Suddenly, the man turns to dust. The police barge in through the door.]

Darryl: Clear! Freeze!

(They check all the rooms.)

Policeman: Clear in the bathroom.

(Darryl walks over to the pile of dust and picks up a handful.)

Policeman #2: Everything’s locked from the inside. How’d he get out of here?

Darryl: You don’t wanna know. (Darryl dials a number on his cell phone.) Phoebe Halliwell, please. Tell her it’s Inspector Morris. It’s important.

Opening Credits

[Scene: A maternity clothes shop. Paige is waiting outside a changing room.]

Paige: Piper, my hair is turning white out here. Come out already.

Piper’s Voice: No.

Paige: Come on, it can’t be that bad. (Piper, with her pregnant tummy now showing, parts the curtains and walks out wearing a peach coloured top and floral pants. She puts her hands on her hips.) Aww, it’s cute.

Piper: I don’t wanna be cute. (She stands in front of a mirror.) I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.

Paige: Oh, your pants weren’t even buttoning anymore, come on.

Piper: Well, I could’ve gone up a size, or two. I don’t need to resort to maternity clothes. Everything is just so bright and cheery and ruffley. This thing makes me look like a…

Saleswoman: Adorable! (The saleswoman comes over to them.) Absolutely adorable. I think it’s you.

Piper: Hmm, I guess you don’t know me very well, do you?

Paige: Piper.

Piper: Look, do you have anything that will go with combat boots? You know, something for the mum-to-be who kicks some ass upon occasion? You know, something in black or grey?

Saleswoman: I’ll check. Aw, motherhood.

(She pats Piper’s tummy and walks away.)

Piper: Okay, explain to me the touching thing. Why is my stomach suddenly public property and perfect strangers are always touching me? It’s weird space invasion. (Paige rubs her neck.) Are you listening?

Paige: No, I’m not.

Piper: What’s the matter with your neck?

Paige: It’s this cramp, I’ve had it for a couple of days now.

Piper: Well, why don’t you get a massage?

(Piper looks through a rack of clothes.)

Paige: Oh, yeah, I’ll pencil that in. Right between vanquishing demons and training to be your midwife. (Piper holds up an ugly pale pink dress.) No.

(Piper puts the dress back.)

Piper: Well, A, I don’t need midwives because I’m delivering with a doctor not sisters. And B, you need to start taking care of yourself because you’ve actually been working harder than when you were working.

Paige: Yeah, well, someone has to pick up the slack, especially with hermit lady just laying around the house.

Piper: The hermit lady?

Paige: Yeah, Phoebe? Have you noticed she hasn’t left the house in weeks.

Piper: What do you mean? She leaves the house every morning.

Paige: No, she leaves the house to go to work. I can understand wanting a break from guys, but come on already, she’s gonna wear out the batteries.

Piper: Ah, Paige!

Paige: What? (Paige’s phone rings. She answers it.) Hello? Oh, hey, Phoebe. We were just talking about you.

Piper: And your batteries.

Paige: Darryl’s at the house?

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Darryl are there. Piper’s fidgeting with the maternity outfit she’s still wearing and Phoebe is busy painting her toenails. Darryl hands Piper and Paige a sketch of Jeric, the man in the first scene.]

Darryl: Five murders, five cities. But this is the first one in San Francisco. We are hot on his tail following a tip and then he just vanished.

Paige: That’s creepy. He’s killing his victims and then mummifying them. What gives?

Darryl: That’s why I called Phoebe, I was hoping you could tell me.

Piper: Well, just because it’s creepy doesn’t mean it’s demonic. I mean, there’s plenty of human wackos out there.

(Piper continues to fidget with her outfit.)

Paige: Stop fidgeting will you? You look fine.

Piper: I look ridiculous.

Paige: Phoebe, will you tell her that she looks fine.

Phoebe: You look so cute.

Darryl: If you ask me, there’s nothing more beautiful than a preg…

(He reaches to touch Piper’s stomach and she stops him.)

Piper: Do it and you pull back a bloody stub.

Paige: She’s a little sensitive right now.

Darryl: I can see that.

(Phoebe finishes her toenails and stands up.)

Phoebe: Okay, demons, witches, fill them in will you? I’ve got a important lunch date at the office.

Paige: You have a date?

Phoebe: Oh, well, it’s actually more like an appointment down the hall. It’s a facial.

Darryl: Look, we think, I think that the victim may have been a witch. So if she was maybe they all were, which means you need to watch your backs.

Phoebe: Sand, don’t forget the sand.

Darryl: Uh, right. In each case there’s been a pile of sand found by the mummy. My guess it’s got something to do with how he escapes.

(Piper looks at a picture of the mummy.)

Piper: What’s with the bug on the chest?

Phoebe: I already have Leo asking the Elders about that. Okay, if we leave now, I should be able to go to the crime scene, get a quick premonition and then be back at the office in time for my appointment. Okay, so who’s driving?

Darryl: Whoa, who says you’re going to the crime scene?

Phoebe: Is that a problem?

Darryl: Only for my reputation. Look, it’s taken me a long time to lose the freaky deaky rap, but no offence but I don’t need it back right now.

Paige: Freaky deaky rap?

Darryl: You know what I mean.

Piper: Why can’t you just tell them that we’re psychics like you usually do?

Darryl: I can’t risk it. I’m up for promotion and if I get passed over this time, there’s not gonna be a next time.

Paige: Alright, what do you want us to do?

Darryl: The right thing as usual. Come on, follow me. (They head for the door. Darryl stops and points at Piper.) No, not you, you’re pregnant.

Piper: Yes, I am. I am also invincible and self healing.

Darryl: You’re gonna tell the other inspectors that? Look, I’m sorry, but not even pregnant cops are allowed at crime scenes because of the forensic chemicals.

Phoebe: Okay, well, we’ll go, you stay here and look in the book for mummies.

Paige: Mummy.

(She touches Piper’s stomach.)

Piper: Nah.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Coroner’s Examination Room. A coroner is there, examining the mummy, which is lying on a table.]

Coroner: The linen wrapping, though curiously airtight, appears to be of a thread count more consistent of a hand weave. After I cut into it forensics should test and date the sample. Alright, let’s see what’s inside.

(He picks up a hand saw and touches the mummy. A protective shield surrounds the mummy and electrocutes the coroner, sending him flying across the room. Jeric walks into the room and over to the mummy.)

Jeric: Nobody messes with you, do they, my love? Sorry for leaving you back there but I needed to check on your next body. I think you’re going to like it.

(He touches the mummy and they both turn into dust.)

[Scene: Apartment hallway. A police officer stands at the doorway. Phoebe, Paige and Darryl head for the apartment.]

Darryl: They’re with me.

Police Officer: Hold it, Inspector. They’ve gotta sign in.

Darryl: Right, sorry.

Phoebe: Phoebe Halliwell.

Paige: Uh, Paige Matthews.

Police Officer: Field of expertise?

Phoebe: We’re psychics.

(The officer gives Darryl a look.)

Darryl: You got a problem with that, officer?

Officer: No, sir. (He chuckles and mumbles to himself.) Psychics.

Phoebe: Your girlfriend’s cheating on you by the way.

(Phoebe, Paige and Darryl walk into the apartment.)

Darryl: Look, forensics have been all through here so you can touch anything you want. Just, uh, make it quick, okay? (His pager beeps.) I’ll be back.

(Darryl leaves. Phoebe starts to look around the apartment.)

Paige: So that guy at the door’s kinda cute, huh?

Phoebe: Really? I hadn’t notice.

Paige: God, you’ve been out of commission for longer than I thought.

Phoebe: Yeah, she was definitely a witch. Look at all this stuff.

Paige: Of course, I guess I can understand, you know, with all the stuff you’ve been through with Cole.

(Phoebe picks something up and tries to get a premonition.)

Phoebe: Okay, shush, I’m trying to concentrate here.

Paige: But you don’t want to let it go for too long because, you know, that would be unhealthy and you are anything but unhealthy.

Phoebe: Paige, don’t worry about me I’m fine. It’s just the whole idea of dating right now, it’s just, like ugh, you know. I just, I need some time.

Paige: Well, just don’t take too much time.

(Phoebe spots a map on the floor.)

Phoebe: Look, a map. (She then sees a crystal.) Oh, she was definitely…

Paige: Scrying?

Phoebe: Yeah, but the question is for what?

Paige: Steal it.

Phoebe: I’m sorry?

Paige: I think I know a way of figuring this out at home.

Phoebe: Paige, that’s evidence, I can’t steal evidence.

Paige: Crystal.

(The crystal orbs into Paige’s hand. Darryl walks in and Paige quickly hides the crystal behind her back.)

Darryl: Did you get anything?

Paige: No, god, not a thing. But we’ll see you later.

(They rush out of the apartment.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper is standing in front of a mirror fidgeting with her maternity clothes. She starts to walk away, then stops and stands back in front of the mirror. She pokes out her stomach.]

Leo: I think you look beautiful.

(She spins around to see Leo there watching her.)

Piper: How long have you been standing there?

Leo: A minute or two.

Piper: Well, that’s just not far. You’re not allowed to orb in unless I’m completely aware of it.

Leo: Sorry, I was mesmerized.

Piper: Oh, please.

Leo: No, I mean it, Piper. (He walks over to her.) I think you look absolutely stunning and I can’t believe you don’t think you do.

Piper: No, it’s not that, it’s just, it’s like suddenly I’m wearing this big fat neon sign that says ‘look out everybody she’s pregnant, careful’ and everybody’s treating me so differently. I’m still me, there’s just a whole lot more of me going on.

(Paige walks in.)

Paige: Hey, guys. Oh, I’m sorry, were you ranting?

Piper: Yes, I was, but now I’m done, thank you. Where’s Phoebe?

Paige: Oh, she went back to work. She didn’t want to miss her facial.

Piper: What?

Paige: Relax, she’s just an orb away. So did you find anything?

Piper: Yeah, the demon, maybe. (They walk over to the Book of Shadows.) His name is Jeric and apparently he’s been at this for quite some time. Only back then the killings were isolated to the Middle East, Cairo, Istanbul, Tripoli.

Paige: So what’s he doing here?

Leo: Well, the same thing he’s been doing. Trying to find the perfect body for his lover, Isis. He keeps trying to find a body to host her spirit but the bodies keep dying.

Paige: No, you mean the witches keep dying.

Leo: Right, well, two spirits can’t occupy the same body. The invading spirit overloads it. That’s why he’s trying to find a witch with enough magic for Isis to use to dispossess the host body.

Paige: Of course.

Piper: Are you telling me she’s going to evict someone from their own body? That’s rude.

Leo: Basically, yeah.

Paige: Okay, so what do mummies have to do with any of this?

Leo: Well, he mummifies the corpse to trap Isis’ spirit to keep her from moving on until he can find her a new body.

Paige: That must be what she’s scrying for. (Paige walks over to a map and scrys with the crystal.) “Scrying secrets come to me, drop again so I might see.”

Piper: See what? (The crystal drops onto a spot on the map.) Fifth and Hyde? Well, that’s Phoebe.

[Cut to The Bay Mirror parking lot. Phoebe drives in and gets out. Jeric is there leaning against a car.]

Jeric: Great body. Mind if I borrow it for a while?

Phoebe: Yeah, I do.

(Piper, Paige and Leo orb in.)

Piper: Phoebe, no!

(Phoebe goes to kick Jeric and he grabs her leg. They both turn to dust.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Paige and Leo are there. Paige is scrying for Phoebe and Leo is trying to sense Phoebe. Piper walks in.]

Piper: Anything?

Leo: No.

Piper: What about you?

Paige: Nothing.

Piper: Well, this is just unacceptable, people. We’ve got all the magic in the world here, there’s gotta be a way. We can not not find Phoebe.

Paige: Unless…

Piper: No, no unless, she is not dead. She is possessed and that is all.

Leo: She’s right, Jeric needs her body.

Paige: Well, how long can she last until she burns up?

Leo: I don’t know, probably not long.

Piper: All the more reason to find her faster. You keep scrying, you keep sensing.

Leo: It’s no use, Piper. Jeric is blocking her signal.

Piper: But you said even if Phoebe was possessed, she would be aware of what’s going on.

Leo: Right, but there’s nothing that she can do about it. The invading spirit is suppressing her.

(The phone rings. Paige answers it.)

Paige: Hello?

Darryl: Guess what? The mummy’s missing.

Paige: What? Hold on, I’m gonna put you on speaker phone. Say that again.

(She turns on speaker phone.)

Darryl: The mummy’s missing, the coroner’s dead and I am screwed.

Piper: Why is the mummy missing?

Paige: How are you screwed?

Darryl: Because they’re blaming me for losing him in the first place, which means if I don’t find him…

Paige: Bye-bye promotion.

Darryl: It pales in comparison to a killer demon being on the loose, I know. But, you know, it still matters to me and my family.

Piper: Yes, well, speaking of family, we’ve got a few problems of our own here.

Darryl: What’s wrong?

Piper: Uh, I’ll catch you up later.

(Piper hangs up the phone.)

Paige: Uh, Piper.

Piper: I’m sorry but we need to concentrate on Phoebe.

Paige: Okay, well, we can’t leave Darryl high and dry after everything he’s done for this family. There’s gotta be something we can do.

Piper: Well, short of helping him arrest the demon, I’m not sure what we can really do.

Leo: Well, I have an idea but I have to break some rules.

Paige: So I think you should break a few rules then. We owe him.

Piper: You’re right. You go do what you gotta do and we’re gonna do what we have to do.

[Scene: Egypt. A pyramid. Jeric walks in carrying an unconscious Phoebe. He places her on a table. Close by is another table where the mummy lays. He gets a bug amulet from the mummy table and takes it over to Phoebe which he places on her chest. Jeric stands between the two tables and outstretches his arms. He recites a spell and a beam of light shoots out of the mummy and into Phoebe. Phoebe wakes up and gasps. Jeric goes over to her.]

Jeric: Easy, not so fast. (He smiles.) Welcome back, my love.

(He kisses her.)

[Scene: Cole’s apartment. The elevator doors open and Piper and Paige walk out.]

Paige: Are you sure this is such a good idea?

Piper: Well, he’s found her before hasn’t he?

Paige: Yeah, but Cole’s crazy now.

(They walk further into the apartment and are nearly hit by an energy ball. The energy ball hits a mirror, rebounds and hits Cole.)

Cole: Damn, still here.

(Paige rubs her neck.)

Piper: Are you okay?

Paige: Yeah, I’m still alive. For now.

(Cole writes something down on a piece of paper.)

Piper: What’s the matter, Cole? Forget you’re indestructible?

Cole: Hey, what the hell are you guys doing here?

Piper: Witnessing a meltdown apparently. Ever thought of therapy?

Cole: Thanks, I’d rather chop my head off than have it examined. Wait, that’s an idea.

(He waves his arm and a guillotine appears in the room.)

Paige: Oh my god.

Cole: I can’t wait to see how I survive this.

(He lays down on the guillotine and places his head in the groove.)

Paige: Okay, then, good luck with all that and we’re just gonna go.

Piper: No, we’ve gotta find Phoebe.

Cole: Did you guys actually want something or did you just come to add to my misery?

Piper: A demon has taken Phoebe and we need you to find her.

Cole: Oh, yeah, really? Well. (He sits up and waves his hand. A cane basket appears where his head will fall.) Sorry, but just in case you forgot, she’s the reason I became like this. So, ciao!

(He lays back down and pulls the lever. The blade starts to fall and Piper freezes it.)

Piper: Wait.

(Cole whimpers.)

Cole: Oh, can’t you at least let me not die in peace?

Piper: Cole, we think this guy Jeric has possessed Phoebe.

Cole: Wait. (He stands up.) Did you say Jeric? The mummy guy?

Paige: Do you know him?

Cole: Are you kidding? He’s legendary in demonic circles.

Paige: Oh, of course he is.

Cole: Actually, he goes all the way back to Ancient Egypt but they didn’t have the power to vanquish him then, so they just mummified him instead. (He gets an idea.) Mummify.

Piper: Hey, stay with us here. How did Jeric get demummified?

Cole: Oh, some evil witch cast a spell which released him and then they fell in love and she got killed by his enemies. Flayed alive, if memory serves. Poor guy’s been wracked with guilt, he’s been trying to find a replacement body ever since.

Paige: Oh, that’d almost be romantic if he hadn’t killed so many witches

Cole: Hey, he’s just a guy trying to get his love back. There’s nothing wrong with that. Actually, we could probably work together.

Piper: What are you talking about? (Cole disappears.) Cole!

Paige: Looks like we just made a bad thing worse.

(The guillotine unfreezes and the blade falls. Piper gasps.)

[Scene: Egypt. Pyramid. Jeric is sitting on a chair eating a bunch of grapes. Phoebe/Isis wearing a two-piece jewelled outfit, dances in the room and over to Jeric. She dances in the spot in front of Jeric.]

Jeric: Glad to see you’re feeling so alive.

Phoebe/Isis: It’s this body. I’ve never felt so much power before, passion, desire.

Jeric: Maybe I should leave you two alone.

Phoebe/Isis: No, just because the witch is in me, doesn’t mean there’s not still room for you too.

Jeric: Tempting. But I suggest to outrid yourself from her first. Come up with a spell.

(She dances around him.)

Phoebe/Isis: The witch’s knowledge was very useful.

Jeric: Then by all means, reward her. Send her spirit into the afterlife. (He stands up and gets a piece of paper.) Hopefully she’ll have enough power to make it work.

(He hands her the paper.)

Phoebe/Isis: “Together no more through time, expel her soul, leave only mine.”

(She burns the paper in the candle.)

Jeric: Well?

Phoebe/Isis: I can still hear her thoughts.

Jeric: Then you have to try again.

(Suddenly, part of the pyramid wall explodes and Cole walks in.)

Cole: Sorry, but that’s my witch. (Jeric makes a dust storm form around Cole and Cole fights it off with a way of his hand.) Oh, please, is that all you got? By the way, my compliments on the tomb’s protective charms. This place is not easy to get in to.

Jeric: Who are you?

Cole: Oh, Cole Turner. I used to be the Source of all evil. You’re Jeric, right? I feel like I already know you. We’ve got so much in common.

Jeric: Do we?

Cole: Yeah, well, you know, we’re both trying to get our love back. Unfortunately, your love is currently in my love and that’s where we have our little problem.

Phoebe/Isis: Your love doesn’t want you back. I can feel it.

Cole: Yeah, but that’s where you come in. I want you to mummify her for me, put her on ice for a while. At least until I can figure out a way to win her back.

Phoebe/Isis: Win her back? After that? Please, you’re insane.

Cole: Probably.

Jeric: Leave us. Go back to where you came from.

Cole: Not until I get what I came for. (Phoebe/Isis starts to sweat and shake.) Well, lets not fight. I mean, I need you, you need me, so let’s just…

Jeric: I don’t need you.

Cole: Well, I’m afraid you do. In case you haven’t noticed, you’re running out of time.

(Jeric notices Phoebe/Isis. He goes over to her.)

Jeric: Oh, no, it can’t be. The others lasted longer.

Cole: Yeah, the more powerful the witch, the quicker the burnout. It’s really not very good. But I bet the Power of Three could fix that permanently.

Phoebe/Isis: The Power of Three… That might work.

Cole: I could get it for you. Interested?

Jeric: We won’t give up her body without a replacement.

Cole: I figured. How do you feel about redheads?

[Scene: A dock. Leo is waiting there. Darryl pulls up in his car and gets out.]

Darryl: Leo, what are you doing here?

Leo: I’m here to help you.

Darryl: Well, Leo, I don’t have time for this. Somebody called me and said the killer was here.

Leo: I know, I made the call. I figured it would look good for you if you caught the guy.

Darryl: You did? Where is he? (Leo morphs into Jeric.) What are you doing? You can’t…

Leo/Jeric: Go on, arrest me.

(Darryl starts to freak out. Sirens are heard down the street.)

Darryl: Leo, I, we, are, we are not going to do this.

Leo: Come on, before the other cops get here.

Darryl: I am not going to arrest you. (Leo/Jeric punches him in the face.) What’d you do that for?

Leo/Jeric: I’d hit me back if I were you.

Darryl: I am not going to do this.

(The police car pulls up. Darryl pushes Leo/Jeric against a wall. He grabs his arms and handcuffs him.)

Leo/Jeric: Ow!

(The two police officers walk over.)

Police Officer: Way to go, Inspector. Good job.

Darryl: Thanks.

(They take Leo/Jeric to the police car.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige are there sitting in front of a map. Piper is scrying.]

Paige: I’m telling you it’s not going to work, we’ve already tried it.

Piper: No, you’ve tried it. They baby and I haven’t. If Cole can find her, than so can we.

Paige: But you can’t just tap into the baby’s powers whenever you want.

Piper: No? Watch me. Whoa.

(The crystal starts circling out of control above the map.)

Paige: What’s happening?

Piper: I don’t know.

(The crystal flings itself across the room and lands on a globe. Piper and Paige race over to the globe and notice the crystal has landed on Egypt.)

Paige: I guess our map wasn’t big enough?

Piper: Egypt? Phoebe is in Egypt?

Paige: On the bright side, we’ll get to see the pyramids.

Piper: Quips later, orbing now.

Paige: You know, this happened a little too easily. What if it’s a trap?

Piper: So what if it is? I’m unbreakable, dude.

Paige: Dude, I’m not unbreakable.

Piper: You’ll be okay. Here, faster, orb me, faster.

(They orb out.)

[Cut to Egypt. A pyramid. Phoebe is lying on a table. Piper and Paige orb in.]

Piper: Oh, Phoebe.

Paige: Wait, where’s Jeric?

Phoebe: Piper, Paige.

Paige: She recognises us, that’s something at least.

(They walk over to Phoebe.)

Piper: I don’t know. Let’s just orb her home and we’ll fix her there.

(Cole and Jeric appear across the room.)

Cole: I told you they’d come for her, didn’t I?

(Cole waves his arm towards Piper and a portal opens up underneath her and sucks her in. Paige starts to orb out and Cole waves his arm, sending her to the ground.)

Jeric: Very nice.

[Cut to the manor. Living room. The portal opens up above the couch and Piper falls through it landing on the couch.]

Piper: Ouch. Hey!

[Cut to the pyramid. Cole carries Paige over to the table. Jeric walks over to Phoebe/Isis.]

Jeric: Don’t fight it, my love. Your new body awaits.

(He leans down to kiss her and Cole stops him.)

Cole: Hey. I told you that’s my witch. (Phoebe/Isis takes one last breath and dies.) Get to work.

(Jeric recites a spell and Phoebe is mummified.)

Jeric: Excuse me. (Cole moves aside and Jeric walks over to Paige. He places the beetle amulet on Paige’s chest and stands between Paige and the mummy. He recites another spell and a bright light flows out of the mummy and into Paige. Paige wakes up and Jeric goes to her.) Welcome back, my love.

(They kiss.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper is there, pacing up and down the room.]

Piper: Leo! Leo, come on, I need you.

(Leo/Jeric orbs in wearing an orange prison outfit. Piper gasps and blows him up. Leo/Jeric orbs back in.)

Leo/Jeric: What’d you do that for?

Piper: Leo? Is that you?

(Leo looks down and realises he’s still morphed as Jeric.)

Leo: Oh, (he morphs back into himself) sorry, I forgot.

(He chuckles.)

Piper: You forgot? What are you doing? And what are you wearing?

Leo: This? They gave it to me in jail when they arrested me. Well, not me obviously, Jeric, or so they think. I just figured it would help Darryl get a promotion.

Piper: I can’t handle this right now.

Leo: What? I told you I was gonna have to break a few rules.

Piper: No-no-no, you don’t understand. This is the least of our problems, which oughta give you an idea how bad our problems actually are.

Leo: Come on, it can’t be that bad.

Piper: Unless I’m mistaken, Cole has teamed up with Jeric and tricked me into getting Paige possessed and Phoebe mummified.

(Piper screws up her face and pulls at her maternity top.)

Leo: What?

Piper: I’ve had it with this outfit!

(She storms out the room.)

[Cut to Piper’s bedroom. Piper and Leo walk in.]

Leo: What are you gonna do?

Piper: What does it look like I’m gonna do?

(She starts to undo her top and walks into the closet.)

Leo: I meant about Paige and Phoebe.

Piper: Well, you’re gonna orb me back there so I can kick some demon ass and honey, you know, you can change too. Felon orange isn’t exactly your colour. (Leo opens the dresser and gets out some clothes.) I should’ve never gone to Cole in the first place. I don’t know what I was thinking.

Leo: You were thinking about saving Phoebe.

Piper: Yeah, that worked out really well, didn’t it? (Leo starts to change.) The one thing I don’t understand is why Cole sent me back here. I mean, he could’ve sent me to the far reaches of the universe or worse but he didn’t.

Leo: Cole sent you back? From where?

Piper: The only thing I can think of is that he needs me for something. But what?

Leo: Well, whatever it is going back there, wherever there is, it’d be exactly what he wants you to do.

(Leo finishes changing and Piper walks out of the closet wearing a black top and jeans.)

Piper: Yeah, okay, but I’m not gonna leave my sisters in Egypt with two demonic perverts. I’m the reason they’re in this mess. I lost Paige because I was trying to save Phoebe.

Leo: Cole would never hurt Phoebe, you know that. And he must need Paige for a reason. Otherwise why go through the trouble to get her?

Piper: So what am I supposed to do?

Leo: You’re gonna do what you do best. You’re gonna go on the offensive and you’re gonna summon Cole before he summons you.

(Piper leaves the room.)

[Scene: Egypt. Pyramid. Paige/Isis is lying on the table on her stomach, being massaged by Jeric.]

Paige/Isis: Ohh, right there. That’s perfect.

Jeric: Yes, you’re rather tense.

Paige/Isis: It’s not me, it’s this witch. She’s overworked this body and she doesn’t deserve it.

Jeric: Well, you’ll have to finish the Power of Three spell if you expect to take it from her.

Paige/Isis: I will, in a bit.

Jeric: You can’t put it off any longer. This witch is as powerful as the last and she’ll burn out just as quickly.

Paige/Isis: Just a minute more?

Jeric: Sorry, I think you’re relaxed enough.

Paige: I don’t. But then again, I always have been such a bad girl.

Jeric: We can be bad later.

(Cole walks in.)

Cole: Playtime’s over, boys and girls.

Jeric: Do you mind?

Cole: No, I don’t.

Jeric: Well, I do.

Cole: Did I ever tell you, Jeric, that I have eyes for only one witch. How’s the spell going?

Paige/Isis: I was just about to finish it.

Jeric: She can’t expel the witch’s soul without the Power of Three. How are you gonna get it for us?

Cole: Look around. We’re only one sister short.

Jeric: Yes, but your love is a mummy. You can’t expect her to read a spell.

Cole: Well, she doesn’t have to. If her spirit is trapped inside, all her sisters have to do is touch her to tap into the power.

Jeric: And what about the third witch? I doubt she’ll read the spell willingly.

Cole: Leave it to me. I can be quite persuasive.

Jeric: Yes, well, you better be. Because Isis is the only one that can bring Phoebe back. And if my love doesn’t get what she wants yours will stay wrapped up forever.

Paige/Isis: It’s done. The rhyme’s a tad childish but it should work.

Cole: Oh, good. All we need now is…

(Suddenly, Cole disappears in a swirl of lights.)

Jeric: The witch must have taken him.

Paige: Oh, he’ll be back. The important thing is we’re alone.

Jeric: Isis…

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper is there waiting. Cole appears in a swirl of lights.]

Cole: Well, I guess I should’ve seen this coming.

Piper: I want my sisters back now, Cole.

Cole: Or what? You’ve got nothing, Piper. You can’t even vanquish me.

(She tries to blow him up and sparks fly off him.)

Piper: Doesn’t mean I won’t try.

Cole: Okay, if that’s the way you want to play it. (He throws an energy ball at Piper and her protective shield splits the energy ball in two, making them hit objects across the room.) Ahh, impressive.

Piper: Wait.

(Piper tries to blow him up again and this time sends him flying across the room.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Egypt. Pyramid. Paige/Isis and Jeric are leaning against a post, kissing passionately.]

Jeric: Isis. Should we be doing this?

Paige: It’s my body now.

Jeric: No, I mean, how are you feeling?

Paige: I love that you care.

(They continue kissing and he carries her over to the table. He touches her forehead and feels her sweating.)

Jeric: Oh, no. Isis, Isis, not yet.

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper and Cole are still trying to vanquish each other. Leo rushes in.]

Leo: Hey! What are you guys doing? You’re both invincible. This is just pointless.

Cole: The man’s got a point, Piper, the sooner we stop this, the sooner you can save one of your sisters.

Piper: What do you mean one?

Cole: I mean, that you’re gonna have to choose between them and if you don’t, they’ll both die.

Leo: Why? Are you gonna kill them?

Cole: No, I’m not gonna do anything, the cards have already been dealt. I’m just giving you guys your options.

Piper: You’re delusional if you think I’m gonna choose between my sisters.

Cole: Am I? Isis is the only one who knows how to revive Phoebe and she’s not gonna do that unless you cast a spell to reject Paige’s spirit from her body.

Piper: I won’t do that, Paige would die.

Cole: Fine. Then eject Isis’ spirit instead. Then of course, you’d be saving Paige and killing Phoebe, because without Isis, there’s no way to revive her.

Leo: What about Jeric? He mummifies, can’t he de-mummify?

Cole: He traps spirits, he doesn’t bring bodies back to life, that’s Isis’ job. So, of course as you can see, you have to make a choice.

Piper: You sick bastard. I can’t choose and I won’t.

Cole: Then they’ll both die.

Leo: Come on. You’re not gonna kill Phoebe.

Cole: Well, that is why I am banking on your lovely wife choosing to save her. I mean, come on, after all, she’s, like your what, half-sister? You didn’t grow up with her or anything, you’ve only known her for like a year and a half, right? So compared to Phoebe she’s like a stranger.

Piper: She’s still my sister and I will find another way.

Cole: There is no other way and if you waste time looking for one, they’ll both die.

Piper: How can you be so evil?

Cole: It’s a gift.

Piper: Get out. Get out now.

Cole: But when you’ve made a decision, you call me, okay. Paige, Phoebe, Phoebe, Paige. Call me.

(He disappears.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Piper is sitting on the couch. Leo comes down the stairs.]

Leo: There’s nothing in the book that’ll help or from the Elders.

(Leo sits down beside Piper.)

Piper: I can’t do this, Leo.

Leo: We can’t let them both die either.

Piper: I know that. How can I be so powerful and so helpless at the same time?

Leo: Piper, your strength isn’t in your invincibility, it’s within you. And believe it or not, you are strong enough to do this.

Piper: To do what? Kill one of my sisters?

Leo: Or not. Maybe there’s another way. I don’t know what it is but whatever it is the solution is within you. Look, I know this isn’t fair but like it or not this is the way that it is. Look, you are going to have to call Cole back soon, if you hope to save even one of your sisters.

(Piper starts to cry.)

Piper: How am I supposed to decide?

Leo: Listen to you heart, honey. What does it tell you?

Piper: It’s telling me that I have to choose.

[Scene: Egypt. Pyramid. Jeric is at Paige/Isis’ side, stroking her hair.]

Jeric: He’ll be back with the witch soon.

Paige/Isis: What if he’s late?

Jeric: He won’t be.

(Cole appears with Piper. She pulls away her hand.)

Cole: You’re welcome. Apparently she has made up her mind so drum roll please.

Piper: Let’s just get this over with.

(She walks over to the tables.)

Jeric: Who are you gonna save?

Piper: Phoebe.

Cole: The suspense was killing me.

Piper: You do realise once this is over, I will find a way to vanquish you.

Cole: You do realise when this is over I might vanquish you.

Jeric: Enough. Isis is running out of time. The spell.

(He holds out a piece of paper.)

Piper: I’ve got one of my own, thanks.

Cole: Ahh, got something up your sleeve, do you Piper?

Piper: I wish. Paige, I know you can hear me and I know you understand, but I can’t lose Phoebe.

Paige: Just do it.

Piper: “Two worn souls now burn inside where only once can reside, I call upon the Power of Three to save the body and set Paige free.”

(Paige’s spirit rises out of her body and vanishes. Paige sits up.)

Jeric: Isis. (He rushes over to her and helps her off the table.) Did it work?

Paige: Yes, it did. And I know just how to celebrate.

(She knees him in the groin and he doubles over in pain.)

Cole: Ooh.

(Piper tries to blow Cole up and he flies across the room. Paige goes over to the mummy and recites a spell. The mummy wrappings glow and vanish. Phoebe gasps and sits up.)

Jeric: Isis?

Paige: You really can’t mess with sisters.

(Piper blows Jeric up.)

Piper: Well, at least they’re together now.

(Cole gets up off the floor and claps his hands.)

Cole: Bravo, bravo. Congratulations, well done. You know, I gotta admit, I thought I had you there for a moment but you never really did choose, did you?

Piper: I didn’t have to. I figured if Isis knew the spell to free Phoebe than Paige would know it as well.

Cole: Hmm, oh well, next time.

Phoebe: Next time? What happened to you, Cole?

Cole: Me? I’ve gone mad.

(Cole disappears.)

Piper: No offence but we really need to find a way to kill him.

Paige: I’d say that’s an understatement.

Phoebe: I wish it was that easy.

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe and Paige are there with moisturising masks on their face and their hair done up in curlers. Piper walks in carrying shopping bags. She gasps when she sees Phoebe and Paige.]

Phoebe: What?

Piper: Oh my god, you two could scare the hair off a cat, no demon dare drop by here.

Paige: We’re just playing hooky.

Piper: Uh-huh. Well, Paige, you can’t play hooky ’cause see, you’re unemployed.

Paige: I resent that. I consider my witchly duties to be a full time job, thank you very much.

Phoebe: We’re having a day of beauty. I’m showing Paige how to pamper herself.]

Piper: You’re beauteous.

Paige: I’m getting quite good at it. I like it, it’s free.

Piper: Mm-hmm. Well, I’m glad, it’s about time.

Paige: It is, isn’t it? I’ve been so long overdue, I’m so put upon. Really.

Piper: Wow, turn a girl into an Egyptian princess for a day and look what happens. By the way, Lieutenant Morris called to say thank you.

Paige: Oh, he got his promotion, that’s so great.

Phoebe: Yay.

Piper: Yeah, apparently he got credit for the arrest despite Leo’s little jailbreak.

Paige: Whatcha got there?

Piper: Maternity clothes, as if you didn’t know already.

Paige: You caved.

Piper: Yes, the time has come. But I’ve come to the conclusion that if you’ve got it, then you must flaunt it.

(She lifts the bottom of her top to show her round stomach.)

Phoebe: That’s my niece in that belly!

Paige: She’s my niece too.

Phoebe: Hi, niece! (Piper strikes a pose.) It’s your favourite Aunt Phoebe!